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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dd teacher to keep her away from a boy with suspected ADHD because she is easily distracted

80 replies

pingu2209 · 20/07/2011 17:40

My dd has not yet started school. She will start in September. I have been told by the preschool teachers that my dd is very easily distracted and we have concerns that she may have a language disorder, like her eldest brother has. It is really important that she concentrates on what is being said to her or she will be totally disengaged with the class activities.

There is a little boy in her preschool who I would bet money has a behavioural issue. I mean this factually rather than as a 'put down'. I have a neice with ADHD and his actions are very similar to hers.

I am very concerned my dd has a language disorder like her brother. This is a big concern for me. This compounds my view that I really want her to be sat away from the little boy as he has a tendancy to get her in a head lock and pull her to the ground or to grab her by her clothing and swing her round. My dd doesn't like it. I spoke to the preschool and they said that the boy doesn't mean to be horrible, he is just over enthusiastic. In other words, just put up with it.

It will probably be taken negatively by the teachers in Reception - she hasn't even started proper school yet! However, she has had a year in preschool with him.

The preschool is part of the school and there are strong connections between the 2 years - they even swap TAs every now and then to ensure a smooth transition. This won't be news regarding my opinion on the boy, but I think it may well be taken badly because I'm already dictating what I want for my dd before she has even started.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 20/07/2011 18:18

I was only saying Shock

Grin
LadyThumb · 20/07/2011 18:19

If she's that easily distracted then she needs to be in a class of her own. I don't think the boy with ADHD has actually got anything to do with it - she'll encounter rough and tumble all her school life.

2shoes · 20/07/2011 18:19

he might not have ADHD the op has just decided he has

BoysAreLikeDogs · 20/07/2011 18:20

YABU

has this kicked off yet?

valiumredhead · 20/07/2011 18:20

The teacher won't take kindly at being told how to run his/her classroom I'm sure! All kids are easily distracted and teachers are quite capable of sitting their pupils where they are likely to get the most work out of them.

akaemmafrost · 20/07/2011 18:21

OP why would you post this in AIBU. If you really wanted genuine info surely you would have posted in Special Needs?

I suspect this is yet another dreary SN bashing by stealth thread, how tiresome.

I am afraid I am in broad agreement with AgentZigzag and apply to both ManicMiner and the OP.

AgentZigzag · 20/07/2011 18:21

It will do if worra catches anyone else calling her a twat BALD Grin

bigbuttons · 20/07/2011 18:23

marking my place.......

saladsandwich · 20/07/2011 18:23

YABU - how would you feel if parents where going up to the teachers saying they didn't want their children sitting next to your daughter? hes a little boy and just because he MIGHT have ADHD doesnt necessarily mean he will be disruptive in class.

my ds has been under nhs SALT from before he was 2 and i have nothing but praise for them since they started proper therapy with him, does your dd still have therapy? ds initial assessment just said speech and language delay, of no help what so ever but the therapy as improved him no end.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 20/07/2011 18:24

heh heh ZZ

HalfTermHero · 20/07/2011 18:25

YABU. No parent will want their child to sit next to the disruptive boy but someone has to. Your kid will have to put up with it just like everyone else in the class will.

worraliberty · 20/07/2011 18:26

Shock My twat's not bald...it's just tidy like

BeerTricksPotter · 20/07/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yousankmybattleship · 20/07/2011 18:29

Why not construct some kind of sound-proof box in which your precious one can learn without any distractions? I'm sure the teachers won't mind or find it odd at all.

GypsyMoth · 20/07/2011 18:30

they dont actually do much in reception....you know that dont you op??

there are no chemistry lessons or learning of long division at this age......they dont hardly sit down at desks!!!

they play.

BeerTricksPotter · 20/07/2011 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScaredOfCows · 20/07/2011 18:31

OP - words fail me. How absolutely outrageous of you to even consider speaking to next years teacher about this. I hope your daughter manages to grow up being more accepting of the people around her than her mother is.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 20/07/2011 18:32

YABU, but it is to be hoped that you will look back in a year's time and see this and laugh....

Happymum22 · 20/07/2011 18:32

As a primary teacher i can say A LOT of little boys, and girls, at that age can appear to have ADHD- especially at preschool when it is an exciting environment with freedom in many ways compared to school to play and less structure as in a recpetion class.
In an average class of 30 i can guarentee there will be a few children with SEN of some sort, to ask your DD to be sat away from this boy, I am assuming you don't want her near any other child with ADHD or behavioural problems. your daughter needs to learn to concentrate and will have distraction wherever she sits- from experience she is less likely to be distracted by a boy with potential distracting behaviour than sitting amongst a group of girls who are nattering away. As a teacher, and most teachers also do this, I tend to match children up using my experience. I can tell which children work best together and which need to be apart to get the optimum class room environment considering all children's needs.
The teacher can't keep them apart all day, at playtime he will be in the playground and in PE he may ask her to be his partner- would you want her to come out with 'no my mummy said i shouldnt be with you because you have ADHD'.
To be honest it sounds like your DD is just as distracting to others if she 'struggles to concentrate' and so I expect the teacher will find a good place in the classroom quickly and learn how to manage and help her behaviour and possible SEN.
I think it is very unfair of you to blow this up so much into it being the boys fault, yes his behaviour may be poor but this is not through his fault and he should not be punished by having parents actively ask for thei child to be kept away from him as if it ADHD contagious!

alowVera · 20/07/2011 18:32

YABVU. Your best chance would be to get her into a school that doesn't accept children on the grounds of a suspected behavioural problem based on the diagnosis of parents. Oh wait, if a school was to do that they'd have to not accept language delay children, or in fact ANY children just in case your DD gets distracted.

TheCrunchyside · 20/07/2011 18:33

Yabvvu to post this in aibu if you wanted advice on how to make the start in reception positive for your dd.

My ds has global developmental delay and the lovely and v bright lad with adhd in his class is one of the few that makes an effort to play with him.
If your dd.has sal delays she may struggle to make friends with the very verbal girls and be glad of a pal even if he is a bit bouncy.

AgentZigzag · 20/07/2011 18:34

Shock I can't believe I just wrote that!

A thousand apologies for casting aspersions on your...y'know...whatsit Grin

MugglesandLuna · 20/07/2011 18:35

I cant believe that the mother of atleast one child with a disability can be so prejudice against another.

My DS is due to start school in september. He has ASD and dyspraxia and can be very hyperactive. It hurts me that there are parents out there like you who dont want their children to mix with him.

akaemmafrost · 20/07/2011 18:35

Actually I think you should speak to her. These teachers work hard they can always do with a snigger worthy "silly parent" anecdote for the staff room.

worraliberty · 20/07/2011 18:36

I can't believe I just passed your apologies on.... Blush