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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that mum is planning a week away after offering to babysit for DH's 30th?

24 replies

DarlingDuck · 19/07/2011 19:05

DH is turning 30, a month or so ago my mum offered to look after our DC's so we could go out for a meal or to a spa for a few hours.

His birthday is in a month's time so I double checked with her yesterday and she says she won't be here as going for a week away with her friends.

We are having real finincial problems so not sure if we can afford a babysitter, plus our youngest is 6 months so need a familiar face, she often cries when she's picked up by strangers.

I asked if she could possibly watch them the week before instead but she says she is busy.

She has had our eldest to stay a few times and babysat once for all three a few months ago when we went out for our anniversary, it's not a regular thing.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed?

OP posts:
Original poster
DarlingDuck · 19/07/2011 19:19

Anyone?

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 19/07/2011 19:22

On the one hand its annoying she said she would but now can't, but I feel that free babysitting by grandparents is not a right.

Ask her when she can manage and have your DH's birthday treat then.

So YANBU to be a little annoyed but try and get over it....

Goodynuff · 19/07/2011 19:22

could you go out after she comes back? or maybe start introducing your little one to someone now, so that there is a month of 'getting to know you' time?

exoticfruits · 19/07/2011 19:22

YANBU but you can't force her. Can't you find a friend and offer to babysit in return?

pointydog · 19/07/2011 19:23

What if you say 'oh, remember dh is turning 30 next month and I was planning a meal out to celebrate? I was thinking of booking something this week and wondered if you were still able to babysit. Are you? What dates would suit you?'

That sort of thing

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 19/07/2011 19:23

No. It is annoying because she had made a committment and now she's going back on it.

You have no right to expect or demand childcare, but when it's offered, you have the right to expect that it will be honoured!

I think that you just have to count your mum out. Of this and of babysitting in the future. Make other plans. Expect nothing. (even if it's offered, it seems!)

Just assume you're on your own and anything else will just be a happy bonus. I find that's the way to avoid disappointments in life.

Do you have a friend that you could ask, perhaps a reciprocal arrangement?

Failing that, you'll just have to have a nice time at home, after the children are in bed Wink and make the best of it.

noblegiraffe · 19/07/2011 19:25

Go out when she gets back and isn't busy.

Original poster
DarlingDuck · 19/07/2011 19:26

I just feel quite let down, I wanted to make the day really special for him as he's had a very difficult 3 months and my mum knows this. I do have some friends I could ask but they all have DC'S of their own so could be difficult, will ask though!

OP posts:
pointydog · 19/07/2011 19:27

But has your mum definitely said no? Does she remember offering to babysit?

Lou222 · 19/07/2011 19:27

I don't have any parents/relations that can babysit but I make damn sure I offer my services for all my friends and I now have lots of people that I babysit for and vice versa.

You need to stop relying on your Mum and sort something else out.
My ds is 3 , I go out quite regularly, sometimes overnight and I've never paid for a sitter.

Oh and I'm a single mum.

ENormaSnob · 19/07/2011 19:28

Yanbu

Original poster
DarlingDuck · 19/07/2011 19:31

She has said along the lines of "Oh ooops, sorry have a week away planned with the girls, pretty sure its that week, so sorry darling!"

OP posts:
Original poster
DarlingDuck · 19/07/2011 19:32

I know I shouldn't rely on her, this kind of thing is pretty typical of her.

OP posts:
Zimm · 19/07/2011 19:32

EEk! Why you lot having a pop at OP for using her mum to babysit? Most ppl do......she isn't demanding free childcare, her mum and has not let her down. So Op YANBU and mum sounds like she is being a bit mean just saying she is busy...

pointydog · 19/07/2011 19:34

I do think you should have said 'oh that's great you're having a holiday. Is there another day you could babysit because I don't mind if it's not on dh's birthday'

If she's unreliable, though, you need to start widening your babysitting circle.

Original poster
DarlingDuck · 19/07/2011 19:49

She's just very selfish. As an example she lives 10 mins away, doesn't work (she's 58 and well off) and would see DC's once every three weeks, she now sees them once a week as we invite her round for a Sunday roast every week. Last Sunday I suggested we come to her house, she said ok as long as we bring the food - and cook it!

OP posts:
alemci · 19/07/2011 19:59

No it is annoying. My mum could be a bit like this too when mine were younger. She suggested it by the sounds of things and should honour it but the thing about lunch sounds awful.

Has your DH got parents who are supportive. My in laws were very helpful even when my mother wasn't at times.

mamalovesmojitos · 19/07/2011 20:02

YANBU. She told you she would and now she's letting you down. I'm not surprised you feel a bit upset.

Original poster
DarlingDuck · 19/07/2011 20:04

My dad lives close but sees the DC's about once a month, he is incredibly self absorbed. DH's mum lives about 4 hours away and is great, his Dad lives an hour away and we see him once a year if that.

OP posts:
mycatoscar · 19/07/2011 20:12

yanbu she offered something and is now not doing it. doesn't sound like she's even apologised either, my mum and my mil do things like this. it is very annoying and makes the offerer seem quite selfish.

bubblesincoffee · 19/07/2011 20:24

YANBU. Because she offered and then retracted it without trying to do it for you another time.

I could understand that she is going away with a group, so probably can't change her holiday, but there is no reason that she couldn't do it another time.

I would stop inviting her over for Sunday dinner and just pop into see her when it suits you. Why should you make the effort do do nice things for her if she won't do them for you?

Cocoflower · 19/07/2011 20:51

She has made a commitment already and is now backing out of it, so on those grounds alone YANBU

heleninahandcart · 19/07/2011 21:17

YANBU to be annoyed at her letting you down. You mention she is unreliable and it does sound as if she is determined to live her life putting herself first. Yes she is your Mum, but not on call. Has she had years of cooking Sunday roasts, looking after children and general domesticity? If so, maybe now is 'her' time to be free of all that i.e. she is happy to help out but not put herself out?

saladsandwich · 19/07/2011 21:29

yanbu to be upset i would be - tbh its not about me not getting out that upsets me its the fact no one wants ds. my mum is dead, my dad won't, ds dad doesnt see him, his grandparents on his dads side won't even consider it. i have begged them to watch him for the night when i needed hospital treatment and they refused.

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