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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite my friend to stay

26 replies

Holidaychick · 19/07/2011 13:14

I've invited my friend to stay for a week in August. Without telling me dh took time off work to spend that week with me.

We're not going away, can't afford it this year, and I can't get time off. He's sulking and wants me to cancel my friend coming as he doesn't want to entertain him while I am at work.

Dh can't change his time off. He says he doesn't want anyone else in his house in his down time and it's not because my friend is also my ex. My friend will not need looking after and will only be there in the evenings and has recently helped us with a car sale so I feel indebted to him.

Am I being unreasonable? Or should I postpone his visit and spend that time with dh?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2011 13:16

Well TBH if I was having a week off I wouldn't really want someone else around that I hadn't invited. That said, he is not going to be there during the day.

Paschaelina · 19/07/2011 13:16

Did you invite him without mentioning it to your DH then?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/07/2011 13:16

YABU - can your friend not change his week -it wont make any difference to him if you are gonna be at work anyway.

I would be really cheesed off if I had a week off and DH had a friend staying - I would want to be able to relax in my own house.

Spend the time with DH!

cornflakegirl · 19/07/2011 13:16

It's annoying that DH took the time off without discussing it with you - but I guess you're guilty of the same thing if you invited your friend without telling DH.

Just tell your friend that you've suffered a communication failure and postpone the visit.

Original poster
Holidaychick · 19/07/2011 13:21

I did tell dh as soon as my friend said he wanted to come. He's known for a couple of weeks. It's the only week my friend is free.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 19/07/2011 13:33

So you asked your ex to come for a week and your husband doesn't want him around when he's on his own holiday.

And you're surprised by this?

cornflakegirl · 19/07/2011 13:34

Did your DH just forget that it was the week your friend was coming? Or did he book the time off knowingly?

dexter73 · 19/07/2011 13:35

I would postpone your friend's trip and spend the time with your dh,

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 19/07/2011 13:36

What's the timeline on this?

You invited your friend and then your husband took the week off work and is now saying he wants to spend it with you and wants you to cancel your friend?

Or your husband booked a week off work and didn't tell you, by coincidence, you then invited your friend, at which point your husband told you that he had already booked that week off for you to spend together?

If the latter, then I'd probably rearrange the friend.

If the former, then I'd be asking my husband why he didn't want my friend to stay.

mayorquimby · 19/07/2011 13:59

So how did this come about?
did you both independantly arrange these things and then discover each others plans later? Or did your dh know about the visit and assume you'd taken time off for the visit and decide to synchronise his holiday with you?

purplepidjincantatem · 19/07/2011 14:15

DP would think I was BU for inviting an ex boyfriend to stay in our house...

Original poster
Holidaychick · 19/07/2011 15:58

We'd arranged to spend that week together but I forgot to tell dh I couldn't get the time off. My friend was invited later by coincidence on the same week.

OP posts:
cornflakegirl · 19/07/2011 16:42

So you made plans with DH, didn't tell him you couldn't get the time off, then invited your friend to stay, and you think he's being unreasonable? If I were your DH I'd be massively annoyed!

WhoAteMySnickers · 19/07/2011 16:46

If I had a week off work and my DH had invited his ex to stay I wouldn't be thrilled either.

YABU. Tell your friend the friend the visit is postponed.

dexter73 · 19/07/2011 16:49

I'm getting the impression that you would rather spend the week with your ex rather than your dh.

activate · 19/07/2011 16:52

you should postpone his visit

mayorquimby · 19/07/2011 17:18

In that case you're completely in the wrong here and should postpone. You made plans with your dh, forgot, he organised his holiday and now along with not spending the time with you as planned he may have his holiday time ruined by havbing someone else in his house who he'd be forced to inteact with and entertain when all he wants to do is chill out.

Ormirian · 19/07/2011 17:20

Sorry but I'm with your DH. Could your friend come another week?

MrSpoc · 19/07/2011 17:23

Sorry but this is a wind up. If its true may be your husbnad isnt comfortable with someone staying who has shagged his wife.

MrSpoc · 19/07/2011 17:25

Also you arranged with husband first to have a week together. Failed to tell him you could not get the time off then invited an EX. You are in the wrong.

BlueFergie · 19/07/2011 17:53

God there is no way my DH would have someone he even knows and likes stay in our house during his week off. Never mind and ex. If he booked time off on the understanding he was spending it with me and then I couldn't do it and instead invited an ex to come say he would be furious.

Did you tell your DH before you invited this guy or just after the invite was accepted? I would never invite someone to our house without clearing it with DH first and vice versa.

BlueFergie · 19/07/2011 17:54

So YABU. IMO you are in the wrong here

ENormaSnob · 19/07/2011 18:00

Yabvu

diddl · 19/07/2011 18:01

Why did you invite someone to stay when you can´t get the time off?Confused

euphrosyne · 19/07/2011 18:28

You feel indebted to your ex, invite him over for a week; the same week that you'd agreed to spend with your husband but forgot to tell him that you did not manage to get time off, while he has and cannot be changed. Hmm

YABVU