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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to roll my eyes at my Mum's affair/obsession

59 replies

eyeroll · 19/07/2011 11:50

Namechanged for this as some of it might make me recogniseable in RL.

My parents are separated. My Mum has developed some kind of an obsession with an ex-popstar (1970s ish) who she met somewhere recently, and I'm pretty sure she is now having an affair with him (he's married). She and I don't discusss such things but I know she sees hime quite often.

I just find the while thing faintly ridiculous though. She's constantly glued to her mobile, reading or sending texts; she has a calendar of him on her wall. When I visited just the other day she put on a video of his band performing on TOTP; she didn't tell me it was him, or that it was a video, but I thought I recognised him and looked the band up on Wikipedia. After the song finished she changed the channel back to the TV. It was just very odd, maybe she was hoping I'd comment that it was a good song?? If she hasn't seen or heard from him in a while she gets moody and depressed and acts like a grumpy teenager.

She's on FB and sometimes 'likes' things to do with him or his band and the whole thing just makes me roll my eyes. AIBU?

OP posts:
LadyThumb · 19/07/2011 12:00

She's got it real bad - just eyeroll and let her get on with it. But be prepared to pick up the pieces when it all fizzles out!

Original poster
eyeroll · 19/07/2011 12:03

Exactly. I can't see it ending well. He has a wife FFS! And I assume she has no idea about my Mum.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/07/2011 12:04

YABU. Your mum is an adult and she's having a bit of fun with her crush. Be sympathetic if it goes wrong but otherwise, leave her be.

Original poster
eyeroll · 19/07/2011 12:11

I see your point cogito and would agree if not for the fact that he's married. If he was single it would be a harmless crush, obviously. And I know that technically he's the one cheating, not her, but it still doesn't sit well with me.

Maybe I'm the one acting like a teenager, embarrassed by my mother's behaviour Grin

OP posts:
Mandy2003 · 19/07/2011 12:12

Ooo-er, it's not Jim Kerr is it?? The wrath of Liz Jones will descend upon her like a, a, well I wouldn't like to be there when it happens Grin

RealityAlt0174 · 19/07/2011 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalamityKate · 19/07/2011 12:12

What makes you think they're actually having an affair? She's probably fantasising like crazy.

usualsuspect · 19/07/2011 12:14

Who is it ? thats all I want to know

NarcissaMalfoy · 19/07/2011 12:14

Go on, give us a clue.

Original poster
eyeroll · 19/07/2011 12:14

I know his car has been there overnight. I'm extrapolating from that, although obviously I don't know for sure. But they see quite a bit of eachother.

OP posts:
Original poster
eyeroll · 19/07/2011 12:16

I don't think anyone would recognise his name, although he was in a fairly well-known band for a while.

I really can't say though, the situation might be recogniseable to anyone that knows me or my Mum.

OP posts:
spookshowangel · 19/07/2011 12:17

i would imagine she is not the first or last, but dont we all get a bit teenage at the beginning of something new and want to share our happiness with our nearest and dearest. even if she is being the other woman etc.

CupcakesandTwunting · 19/07/2011 12:24

I can't possibly comment until I am told the name of one of his songs.

usualsuspect · 19/07/2011 12:34

Just one song please , go on [bored]

CupcakesandTwunting · 19/07/2011 12:38

Yeah, just one song or we'll start speculating. Which could be worse than truth.

Is it a Bay City Roller?

TheBigJessie · 19/07/2011 12:41

Suppose the wife is an MNer? Might it not be an awful way for her to find out her husband is having an affair?

And then it might eventually get back to your mother, who could be pretty upset you discussed it here.

MissPenteuth · 19/07/2011 12:42

Exactly, BigJessie. I really can't say. Sorry.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/07/2011 12:43

So what if it's an affair with a married man? She wouldn't be the first to do that or the last. It could end well or it could end badly but at least she's bloody well LIVING while she's got the chance and will have some great memories to look back at when she's in her metaphorical bath chair. It's OK being boring and conventional all your life, but we're a long time dead.

MissPenteuth · 19/07/2011 12:45

Haha, namechange fail. Oh well.

LaWeasel · 19/07/2011 12:45

Watch out.

My mum had an affair/developed a raging obsession with everything to do with this person's background (so in your case would be a raging 70s obsession!).

Anyway, it all went a bit batshit. Although obviously, there was lots of other stuff going on in her head as well, it was became the point where I bowed out of our relationship because I couldn't cope any more.

northerngirl41 · 19/07/2011 14:27

I'm sure your mum put up with lots and lots of uninteresting drivel about your chosen popstar crush when you were a teenager... Or the boring obsessiveness of Thomas the Tank Engine as a toddler... And listening to you drone on and on about how your kids are the most wonderful beings on the planet as a new mum...

I'm not seeing how humouring her a bit is beyond your grasp - after all, she'll have done it for you!

Honestly, smile, nod, grin, ignore what you don't want to hear.

carabos · 19/07/2011 14:30

Is it Alvin Stardust? Please say it is Grin

MissPenteuth · 19/07/2011 14:53

Yes northern, but she isn't a teenager, she's in her fifties! It all just seems a bit adolescent. Of course I'd humour her if she ever actually spoke to me about it though.

northerngirl41 · 19/07/2011 17:23

Just as being a toddler, a teenager or a new mum is a phase, I think women of a certain age go thru phases too.... Why not just let her?

My mum is obsessed with John Lewis, yoga and her pet project charity which is utterly pointless to every man, woman, child and their dog, but is important to her, so I put up with it. As I know she put up with all my boring drivel throughout the years!!!

Minor 70s popstar seems more fun - particularly if she actually knows him.

lawnimp · 19/07/2011 17:25

i hope it isn't david essex as he's mine and i'm actually having an affair with him myself