to roll my eyes at my Mum's affair/obsession

[eyeroll]

Namechanged for this as some of it might make me recogniseable in RL.

My parents are separated. My Mum has developed some kind of an obsession with an ex-popstar (1970s ish) who she met somewhere recently, and I'm pretty sure she is now having an affair with him (he's married). She and I don't discusss such things but I know she sees hime quite often.

I just find the while thing faintly ridiculous though. She's constantly glued to her mobile, reading or sending texts; she has a calendar of him on her wall. When I visited just the other day she put on a video of his band performing on TOTP; she didn't tell me it was him, or that it was a video, but I thought I recognised him and looked the band up on Wikipedia. After the song finished she changed the channel back to the TV. It was just very odd, maybe she was hoping I'd comment that it was a good song?? If she hasn't seen or heard from him in a while she gets moody and depressed and acts like a grumpy teenager.

She's on FB and sometimes 'likes' things to do with him or his band and the whole thing just makes me roll my eyes. AIBU?

I've been imagining my 70s crushes and thinking none of them have aged well. David Cassidy, Woody from the BCR. Then I remembered The God that is David Essex.

Oh how easy it would be to develop a middle age crush on him.

op he's the married one not your mum. Just be there for her when it all ends.

David Essex

how lovely, cogito, that you would in fact actively encourage someone to have an affair with a married man

you're a long time dead ?

of course, but before that happens you can help cause a great deal of hurt and devastation for an innocent family

let's hope there isn't some woman rah-rahing some daft bint to hook up with your husband, eh ?

because he's a long time dead, isn't he, so why not ?

I touched David Essex once, in 1989

I did too many moons ago................... sigh..............

Agree with Anyfucker. don't encourage her to destroy a marriage. WTF??

This may come as a shock to people but it's quite possible to have affairs without it inevitably leading to 'hurt and devastation' - in the real world rather than romantic fiction, that is. The OP's mother is a single woman and, in an ideal world, the married man would say 'begone woman, tempt me no more'... but he hasn't. As long as she enjoys it for what it is and doesn't expect him to leave his wife or anything silly, why not?

Sorry Cogito but I can't agree. I know how I'd feel if it was my DH that someone was having a 'harmless' affair with. I'd be devastated.

Besides - it's clearly not 'just sex' to OPs mum.

Would you really be utterly obsessed with someone you were happy to be having a purely casual relationship with?

@MissPenteth. You only be devastated if you knew about it. Of course it's devastating if someone finds out their patner is unfaithful but if everyone's discreet and knows the rules then affairs can go on for years and no-one suffers. And who knows? Rick Wakeman or whoever it is could be the love of OP mum's life and vice versa.... they may have been unhappy for years.

A calendar of him on her wall - he can't be that minor! I'm guessing they haven't made a 2011 Mungo Jerry Calendar.

If it's Bryan Ferry...

Sorry, I still can't agree. It's a whole other argument of course, but imo if you want to have a relationship with someone new you need to end your current relationship, not sneak around behind your partner's back. You obviously feel differently, but if it was all so harmless, why is there the need for deception? If you're lying to someone about your behaviour (assuming the man in question is lying to his wife) you obviously know that what your doing is wrong.

Oh yes, on paper it's all horribly deceptive and immoral and whole load of other words you could throw at it. But it's also a lot of fun to play the femme fatale and, if the OPs mum is getting on a bit, she may see it as her last chance to be naughty. Don't knock it until you've tried it.

Firstly, I am the OP. I accidentally posted under my usual name halfway down the thread. My Mum is in her 50s, I'm not sure if that counts as 'getting on a bit'.

And I don't think I'll be 'trying' infidelity any time soon, since the reason my parents are separated is that my Mum had affairs and broke my Dad's heart. So don't assume that my only experience is 'on paper'.

FFS.

P.S. LemonDifficult it's not an official calendar.

She's had a calendar made up? With pictures of him on?

No, a friend of hers, who is also a fan, made it.

Oh no. A friend fan who is fanning it!

If you can maintain any sense of humour, you must write it all down in script form and pitch it to the next passing TV exec.

How old is your mum?
My mum went through a 'difficult age' and was obsessed with Patrick Swayze and Mel Gibson.
Disconcerting.
I am carefully watching myself for similar tendencies since I am now approaching that age myself.

Look on the bright side then OP... Mum broke your Dad's heart. Brian May will probably break her heart. Balance of universe restored.

at Brian May.

(It's not him, btw).

Brian May, isn't he shacked up with Anita whatsername who used to be in EE. She strikes me as someone who could kick ass. Ops mum needs to watch it

Oh ok. Go on op please give us a clue.

Please PM me the philaderer. I am 70s obsessed.

Oh someone PM me too when they find out please

I doubt anyone would recognise the name, honestly. Except for his friends, relatives, wife etc., which is why I really can't say.