To want to rip DH heart out like he has done to me?

[smellimelli]

Sorry- not sure why that didn't post....

I've lust been on the laptop to open a file I thought I'd left open, I hadn't so I went to recent documents and guess what? I found a stash of porn downloads that DH must have been looking at last night.

I am sitting here in tears and my reaction has surprised me. I feel totally betrayed by DH, as though he has cheated on me and broken a special bond between us.

In the past porn hasn't been a "bad" thing to me, DH and I have used it together (and don't flame me for this, porn is not the issue here) but I feel that he has done something devious and underhand. It's made me think if he can do this is the next step an affair?

To put this in context, we have a 7month DD and our relationship has drastically changed. I'm on maternity leave but am having to go back to work ft which is making me stressed and snappy to DH. DD wakes 2-4 times nightly, I'm so tired. I feel fat and unattractive. Some days it's all I can do to get out of bed and go through the day. DH works his socks off so we only see each other evenings and 1.5 days a week. Our sex life has drastically dropped off as often I'm just too tired and would rather sleep (it's still good when it happens). We just don't have fun anymore and have arguments over the stupid things.

PIL are coming over this afternoon for dinner and all I want to do is play the porn in front of them and ask DH WTF this is all about.


BTW I've lurked on MN for ages but only joined the other day, so please don't think that this isn't a genuine post. I really need some advice quickly.

Sorry it's so long.

[MoonGirl1981]

Having a baby will make your sex life drop. You're tired. It's understandable. It doesn't last though, and things will pick up.

Does he know you feel fat and unattractive? I bet he thinks you're both beautiful and incredible. Even more so now you've had his child. Tell him that's how you feel. I'll bet he'll reassure you in seconds.

I expect he just wanted a quick wank. Heavy balls, distraction from a rough day at work, who knows!

The girls in porn aren't pretty. They're sweaty and skanky. Ideal to wank over but hardly someone you'd choose as a future partner (and no offence made to any reading porn stars - you do an awkward job and I imagine you do it well).

The next step is NOT an affair! The next step is you telling him how you feel and how discovering porn makes you feel worse.

Suggest that next time he wants to watch porn and jerk off you get to join in!

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Please don't get upset that he's jerking off while you get some much needed zzzzzz's as there's plenty more where they came from, and all you have to do is ask.

PS there may come a time when your libido is up while his is down - what goes around, comes around so make some tapes

[OldRedEyes]

if women are holier than thou and never wank, why are rabbits so popular

[AnyFucker]

ha !

a pleasant spot of mutual masturbation makes the world go round ! Euro, you should give it a whirl...

sometimes it's private, sometimes it's something you can enjoy together

if you always need porn to do it though, there is something wrong with you

[JamieAgain]

"Yes, he does know that this would be a no-no. It's the deception I think that bothers me the most. If he'd have said to me "Mrs SM, I feel really horny, fancy a shag?" and I said "no I'm too tired" and he'd said "I'll just watch some porn and get my rocks off..." I don't think I'd have minded. Hell, I'd probably have found the energy. It's the fact he's taken something special between us and made it all sordid".


So tell him that. He may not know that that would be OK with you.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

O dear, you have got your knickers in a twist

How can your dh make porn more sordid than it already is less special between you just because he watched alone while no doubt thinking of you beside him enjoying the action?

Think of all the fun you'll have catching up with his solitary viewing, and think how knackered he's going to be keeping up

[Bumpsadaisie]

I think you are very tired from all the sleepless nights. And you are about to go back to work, full time, presumably you are putting your DD into childcare etc. Going back to work 40 hours a week after being with your child 24/7 is a big step and a big emotional wrench - well it was for me at least. You are probably very worried about this and in addition to the tiredness and the general stresses of adjusting to life with a child, you are losing a bit of perspective. Which is understandable!

It is a hard time but it will all work out, your family will adjust to the new regime and life will go on.