This is a WWYD not AIBU. I have had very little sleep over the weekend throgh worrying.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

DS1 is coming up 13, obviously he wants freedom etc he has AS.

However on Friday he was once again excluded from school - this is the 5th time since he started in 2009. This time the head of learning had to beg the head of the school not to permanantly exclude DS1.

He was recently diagnoses with aspergers and the school were meant to put some measures in place to help him - as of yet they haven't.

However I really fear he has signed his own fate with the latest incident.

On Wednesday he made some comments to another boy. I am unsure as to what instigated it - if anything tbh. I am so ashamed of him for what he has said as it has not come from home and I am concerned as to where he has got the attitude from.

Anyway as a result of the exclusion I have banned all trips for the next 2 weeks, taken his mobile away and also his PS2. He has had a total tantrum today screaming at me that he is bored and really just going into one, calling me names etc resulting in him losing his tv for 2 days.

I am not sure if I have done the right thing tbh but I don't know what else to do, I am at the end of my tether. I have an appt tomorrow with the dr who diagnosed AS, and hopefully she can give me ideas of strategies to put in place.

I have been so worn out with it all today that I have spent an hour crying. I just feel like I am failing as a mum to DS1.

what does wuu2 mean? and 'nm'? and am I being hopelessly naive in not expecting my dc to know what weed is when they are 13? Where's he got that from?

As for the problem with the French teacher, again they don't have a clue. AS is a communication disability. The signals, and senses and messages all get mixed up in the brain. Some people with AS never speak, they can, but they don't. I can't talk to people on the phone because I hear what they say but I can't process what they say into a response that comes out of my mouth. All of my communication is done in writing or face to face. (Lots of aspies can't do face to face)

This is something that the school should be addressing. They should be coming up with ways of addressing. They are obliged to do so.

Would it be helpful for you if I run through the 'adjustments' my daughter's school make for her so you can get an idea of the kinds of things schools can do?

Brian,

"WUU2" = what you up to

"NM" = not much

I can only assume he got it from the lesson they had on drugs and their damage.

He isn't actually smoking anything at all.

Klad, thanks for those links. I have saved them to my favourites.

Klad, yes it would give me an idea of what I could suggest to them as they are still looking at me for the answers.

Thanks TLES, I'm not down with the lingo

Totally forgot about drugs lessons at school, didn't realise they'd start at that age.

Brian,

I have made it a point to learn the lingo, although I am still not sure what it means when someone is "getting Gassed"

OK, I'll run through what's in her plan, but keep in mind that all aspies are different and this is tailored specifically to her.

• 1 hr a week on a Monday with a special needs teacher (H)/counsellor to prepare for the week a head and deal with any issues that came up the week before.

• all teachers supply H with their lesson plans in advance

• how she's doing in each subject is evaluated twice a term and the report passed to H. Any needs identified to be addressed.

• how she's doing in maths and Swedish, the ones she struggles with, evaluated once a month, the report passed to H and any needs address.

• 1 hrs extra Swedish tuition a week (this is the equivalent of English here, she won't get any sort of job or place at uni if she doesn't pass)

• individual teachers to provide extra support with prioritising and focus.

• all instructions to be provided in writing, either paper or on the board for copying.

• all instructions, assignment questions to be clear and unambiguous

• any work outside class, projects etc, have to be broken down into chunks and must have regular and structured feedback.

• 24 hour notice for tests. No surprises. If less than 24 hours it is up to her whether she does it.

• She gets to choose her seat in class and then that is where she always sits.

• She can leave class at any time if she is becoming overloaded to go and sit in the 'quiet room'

• She may work alone in the library rather than in the class if necessary.

• She is allowed some sort of fidget to keep her hands busy.

• She can wear earplugs or use her ipod in class as she chooses (aspies cannot cope with too much or too little noise so she has to regulate it herself)

• Her handifone, provided by the hospital, can be switched on during lessons and she can use it as necessary. (Not calls)

• for exams (including external exams) she gets, extra reading time, extra writing time, rest periods, simplified language papers, ipod, handifone.

• excused from normal pe lessons, instead 1/2 hour a week 1to1 with the PE teacher

• Oral assessments are done privately with just the teacher. No having to give a talk or read anything out in front of class.

• participation in any activities outside of normal lessons eg trips, sports days etc to be discussed with H and she will be excused if necessary.

• all teachers to receive asperger's awareness training.

• if she says she's anxious, worried, upset deal with it immediately.

• special needs plan reviewed once a term.

I think that's it. I hope it helps.

And just so you know, this plan is for a high functioning girl with asperger's who is academically gifted.

Klad, 'Thanks for that. DS is high functioning as well and always been gifted but atm it is not showing in his work as he is getting into trouble for fiddling and such.

It's nice to see how much 'aibu' can help people - good luck op!

Hair, I am eternally gratefiul to the ladies of MN who have over the years got me to understand more and more about DS. Prior to his dx this year they were patient with me (if frustrated) but they always gave sound advice.

Then he's getting into trouble for having a disability and that is not only unfair, it's also illegal. It's like shouting at crying child to get them to stop crying.

Here's all the autistic societies info on educational issues:

www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/education/primary-and-secondary-school.aspx

They also have lots of info for teachers.

Thanks Klad

Some light (!) reading over the summer holidays for you. I know there's a lot of stuff, but I wanted it in one post so you can refer to it again if you need to:

2001 SEN code of practice
www.child-disability.co.uk/pdf/SEN%20Code%20of%20Practice%20DfES-0581-2001_main.pdf

May 2011 SEN Code of Practice:
www.education.gov.uk/childrenandyoungpeople/sen/sen/guidance/a0013160/the-sen-code-of-practice

Informal exclusions and unfair discipline in school
www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/discussion-forums/autism/education/6426

www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/community/live-qa-events/150611-steve-broach
We were delighted to welcome Steve Broach to Talk about Autism for a Live Q&A on Wednesday 15 June. Steve is a barrister at Doughty Street Chambers specialising in public law and human rights.

Also see his professional opinion of what statutory bodies must provide:
www.ncb.org.uk/cdc/Cemented_to_the_floor_by_law.pdf

www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/education/primary-and-secondary-school.aspx
Support for primary and secondary school children with autism

New act of parliament regarding excluded children: Children, Schools and Families Act 2010 Chapter 26
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/26/pdfs/ukpga_20100026_en.pdf Exceptional provision for ill or excluded children etc (3) For subsection (3A) there is substituted??(3A) In relation to England, the education to be provided for a child inpursuance of arrangements made by a local authority under subsection(1) shall be?(a) full-time education, or(b) in the case of a child within subsection (3AA), education onsuch part-time basis as the authority consider to be in the child?sbest interests.3AA) A child is within this subsection if the local authority consider that, forreasons which relate to the physical or mental health of the child, itwould not be in the child?s best interests for full-time education to beprovided for the child.?

DDA stuff re school www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/EducationAndTraining/DG_4001076 ?Discrimination arising from a disabilityAn education provider must not discriminate against a student because of something that is a consequence of their disability.For example, they can?t stop a disabled pupil going outside at break time because it takes them too long to get there. ?

Help and advice from the Equality and Human Rights CommissionThe Equality and Human Rights Commission is a good source of advice if you feel you may have been discriminated against in education or elsewhere. The commission's helpline provides advice and information about the disability discrimination legislation to disabled people, their friends and families, employers, service providers, schools and colleges.Telephone: 08457 622 633Textphone: 08457 622 644Fax: 08457 778 878Lines are open Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday 9.00 am to 5.00 pm; Wednesday 8.00 am to 8.00 pm.

HTH

JS, thankyou!!

I got a copy of the SEN code of practise and am going to take a day out in the park when it is warm (minus the kids) to read as much as possible of it.