This is a WWYD not AIBU. I have had very little sleep over the weekend throgh worrying.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

DS1 is coming up 13, obviously he wants freedom etc he has AS.

However on Friday he was once again excluded from school - this is the 5th time since he started in 2009. This time the head of learning had to beg the head of the school not to permanantly exclude DS1.

He was recently diagnoses with aspergers and the school were meant to put some measures in place to help him - as of yet they haven't.

However I really fear he has signed his own fate with the latest incident.

On Wednesday he made some comments to another boy. I am unsure as to what instigated it - if anything tbh. I am so ashamed of him for what he has said as it has not come from home and I am concerned as to where he has got the attitude from.

Anyway as a result of the exclusion I have banned all trips for the next 2 weeks, taken his mobile away and also his PS2. He has had a total tantrum today screaming at me that he is bored and really just going into one, calling me names etc resulting in him losing his tv for 2 days.


I am not sure if I have done the right thing tbh but I don't know what else to do, I am at the end of my tether. I have an appt tomorrow with the dr who diagnosed AS, and hopefully she can give me ideas of strategies to put in place.

I have been so worn out with it all today that I have spent an hour crying. I just feel like I am failing as a mum to DS1.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

JS, thankyou!!

I got a copy of the SEN code of practise and am going to take a day out in the park when it is warm (minus the kids) to read as much as possible of it.

[JsOtherHalf]

Some light (!) reading over the summer holidays for you. I know there's a lot of stuff, but I wanted it in one post so you can refer to it again if you need to:

2001 SEN code of practice
www.child-disability.co.uk/pdf/SEN%20Code%20of%20Practice%20DfES-0581-2001_main.pdf

May 2011 SEN Code of Practice:
www.education.gov.uk/childrenandyoungpeople/sen/sen/guidance/a0013160/the-sen-code-of-practice


Informal exclusions and unfair discipline in school
www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/discussion-forums/autism/education/6426

www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/community/live-qa-events/150611-steve-broach
We were delighted to welcome Steve Broach to Talk about Autism for a Live Q&A on Wednesday 15 June. Steve is a barrister at Doughty Street Chambers specialising in public law and human rights.

Also see his professional opinion of what statutory bodies must provide:
www.ncb.org.uk/cdc/Cemented_to_the_floor_by_law.pdf

www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/education/primary-and-secondary-school.aspx
Support for primary and secondary school children with autism

New act of parliament regarding excluded children: Children, Schools and Families Act 2010 Chapter 26
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/26/pdfs/ukpga_20100026_en.pdf Exceptional provision for ill or excluded children etc (3) For subsection (3A) there is substituted??(3A) In relation to England, the education to be provided for a child inpursuance of arrangements made by a local authority under subsection(1) shall be?(a) full-time education, or(b) in the case of a child within subsection (3AA), education onsuch part-time basis as the authority consider to be in the child?sbest interests.3AA) A child is within this subsection if the local authority consider that, forreasons which relate to the physical or mental health of the child, itwould not be in the child?s best interests for full-time education to beprovided for the child.?

DDA stuff re school www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/EducationAndTraining/DG_4001076 ?Discrimination arising from a disabilityAn education provider must not discriminate against a student because of something that is a consequence of their disability.For example, they can?t stop a disabled pupil going outside at break time because it takes them too long to get there. ?



Help and advice from the Equality and Human Rights CommissionThe Equality and Human Rights Commission is a good source of advice if you feel you may have been discriminated against in education or elsewhere. The commission's helpline provides advice and information about the disability discrimination legislation to disabled people, their friends and families, employers, service providers, schools and colleges.Telephone: 08457 622 633Textphone: 08457 622 644Fax: 08457 778 878Lines are open Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday 9.00 am to 5.00 pm; Wednesday 8.00 am to 8.00 pm.

HTH

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Thanks Klad

[Kladdkaka]

They also have lots of info for teachers.

[Kladdkaka]

Here's all the autistic societies info on educational issues:

www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/education/primary-and-secondary-school.aspx

[Kladdkaka]

Then he's getting into trouble for having a disability and that is not only unfair, it's also illegal. It's like shouting at crying child to get them to stop crying.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Hair, I am eternally gratefiul to the ladies of MN who have over the years got me to understand more and more about DS. Prior to his dx this year they were patient with me (if frustrated) but they always gave sound advice.

[hairfullofsnakes]

It's nice to see how much 'aibu' can help people - good luck op!

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Klad, 'Thanks for that. DS is high functioning as well and always been gifted but atm it is not showing in his work as he is getting into trouble for fiddling and such.

[Kladdkaka]

And just so you know, this plan is for a high functioning girl with asperger's who is academically gifted.

[Kladdkaka]

OK, I'll run through what's in her plan, but keep in mind that all aspies are different and this is tailored specifically to her.

• 1 hr a week on a Monday with a special needs teacher (H)/counsellor to prepare for the week a head and deal with any issues that came up the week before.
  

• all teachers supply H with their lesson plans in advance
  

• how she's doing in each subject is evaluated twice a term and the report passed to H. Any needs identified to be addressed.
  

• how she's doing in maths and Swedish, the ones she struggles with, evaluated once a month, the report passed to H and any needs address.
  

• 1 hrs extra Swedish tuition a week (this is the equivalent of English here, she won't get any sort of job or place at uni if she doesn't pass)
  

• individual teachers to provide extra support with prioritising and focus.
  

• all instructions to be provided in writing, either paper or on the board for copying.
  

• all instructions, assignment questions to be clear and unambiguous
  

• any work outside class, projects etc, have to be broken down into chunks and must have regular and structured feedback.
  

• 24 hour notice for tests. No surprises. If less than 24 hours it is up to her whether she does it.
  

• She gets to choose her seat in class and then that is where she always sits.
  

• She can leave class at any time if she is becoming overloaded to go and sit in the 'quiet room'
  

• She may work alone in the library rather than in the class if necessary.
  

• She is allowed some sort of fidget to keep her hands busy.
  

• She can wear earplugs or use her ipod in class as she chooses (aspies cannot cope with too much or too little noise so she has to regulate it herself)
  

• Her handifone, provided by the hospital, can be switched on during lessons and she can use it as necessary. (Not calls)
  

• for exams (including external exams) she gets, extra reading time, extra writing time, rest periods, simplified language papers, ipod, handifone.
  

• excused from normal pe lessons, instead 1/2 hour a week 1to1 with the PE teacher
  

• Oral assessments are done privately with just the teacher. No having to give a talk or read anything out in front of class.
  

• participation in any activities outside of normal lessons eg trips, sports days etc to be discussed with H and she will be excused if necessary.
  

• all teachers to receive asperger's awareness training.
  

• if she says she's anxious, worried, upset deal with it immediately.
  

• special needs plan reviewed once a term.
  

I think that's it. I hope it helps.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Brian,

I have made it a point to learn the lingo, although I am still not sure what it means when someone is "getting Gassed"

[BrianAndHisBalls]

Thanks TLES, I'm not down with the lingo

Totally forgot about drugs lessons at school, didn't realise they'd start at that age.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Klad, yes it would give me an idea of what I could suggest to them as they are still looking at me for the answers.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Brian,

"WUU2" = what you up to

"NM" = not much

I can only assume he got it from the lesson they had on drugs and their damage.

He isn't actually smoking anything at all.


Klad, thanks for those links. I have saved them to my favourites.

[Kladdkaka]

As for the problem with the French teacher, again they don't have a clue. AS is a communication disability. The signals, and senses and messages all get mixed up in the brain. Some people with AS never speak, they can, but they don't. I can't talk to people on the phone because I hear what they say but I can't process what they say into a response that comes out of my mouth. All of my communication is done in writing or face to face. (Lots of aspies can't do face to face)

This is something that the school should be addressing. They should be coming up with ways of addressing. They are obliged to do so.

Would it be helpful for you if I run through the 'adjustments' my daughter's school make for her so you can get an idea of the kinds of things schools can do?

[BrianAndHisBalls]

what does wuu2 mean? and 'nm'? and am I being hopelessly naive in not expecting my dc to know what weed is when they are 13? Where's he got that from?

[Kladdkaka]

ORE, I don't think the OP is looking for sympathy. I think she is looking for helpful, constructive advice on how to deal with the issue so that everyone is fairly treated and it doesn't happen again. Your comment was mean spirited and uncalled for.

[Kladdkaka]

The fiddling in this way is called stimming and it's very, very common in AS. It's a sort of self medication stress relief thing. Trying to prevent it is like trying to push water up hill with a fork. The more you try, the more stressful it becomes, the worse the stimming gets. If he's getting in trouble for this in class, then they really don't have a clue.

Different aspies have different ways of stimming so they have to learn different ways of managing it to be un-disruptive as possible. You can buy things called fidgets which are designed to keep autistic fingers busy. eg www.nationalautismresources.com/fidget-toys.html

And fidgets for kids who need to chew eg www.nationalautismresources.com/chewy-tube-necklace.html

(Sorry it's an American website, but at least it gives you idea of what's available).

Would you believe that my daughter is allowed to knit in class while the teacher is teaching?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

also ORE, in the past when DS has been bullied in this school they have done nothing to exclude the bully. So I do understand how you feel.


I just feel that excluding him was the wrong thing to do.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

ORE, There were 3 children involved in making comments to eachother. Apparently it was a joke until DS made his comment.

Now while I don't agree with what he said and he has been in trouble for it the other child had called me a "Slag" and apparently that is acceptable.

As I said DS was wrong for what he said but he thought he was joking around like the others were.

[OldRedEyes]

my little nephew is having his life made a misery through some little shit at school who keeps intimidating him. of course the school do sod all to exclude the boy, regardless of how the victim is suffering, so sorry i cant feel much sympathy for yours

[TheLadyEvenstar]

DMC63 as of yet there is no IEP in place for him, by the schools admission they have tried to get him to follow the rules in place for all pupils.

One of their major issues is his fiddling/chewing. When he gets stressed he will fiddle with pens/lids/laces/buttons or chew pens/knuckles. They try to get him to stop by removing pens from his reach when he is not in need of using one, lids are not allowed to be on his desk and he has been sent out for fiddling with his laces.

Another issue is within french where the teacher expects the pupils to repeat word for word what she says when put on the spot. DS explained to me he hears her but he cannot repeat it as quick as she wants but he can read it and repeat it. I am looking at ways to assist him with this but am coming up stumped.

My problem is he has very few peers who talk to him, and if I was to get him an ipad for eg which he could use in the lessons he is struggling in then this would make him stand out more and have less people talk to him.

[drivemecrazy63]

Hi glad you posted, ive been in a similar position a few times with ds.
No1 i would insist that you come in for a serious chat about implimenting the stratagies and IEP (you have had a new IEP ?) withh senco if you have found they are not very helpful get someone to arrange it for you so they take it seriously someone like Parent Partnership/ snap whatever mediators you have in your area, when you have the meeting take notes so they know you mean buisness and also you will have notes on what they have said when they said it ect ect.
If ds is so unhappy are there other options, some part time HE or part school part SS or PRU part time there are other options so its worth chatting about.#
Next they should impliment some stratagies for when ds is upset ie whatsuits him best a walk in playground and fresh air, or a comfy quiet space. an that all teachers know that he may need to leave the room when stressed... perhaps this environment is not for him or its a simple class change that would help (is there particular character in the class whos upsetting him)
Lastly I think for your ds you may be handling his (true appauling at times behaviour) but maybe behaviours he cant help.
repeating words and phrases is quite common for AS/ASD dcs andso are meltdowns and stress.
Yes you do have to let him know certain behaviours are not tollerated but keep school and home separate if they or you punish him make it short sharp thrift thats over never to be mentioned again as soon as it occurs and NEVER should it run into the next day, this is tried and tested way SS deal with dc and it really works we let them dicipline him at school once home its over and we did the same when he was at MS .. maybe your ds needs more assistance than he used to or maybe the teen hormones are running amuck, this must be hard time for any ds let alone someone whos AS or ASD so take a deep breath and take each incident as a seperate entity, maybe see CAMHS if you are not under them already as their maybe underlying issues he needs help with

[Kladdkaka]

I think one of the big stumbling blocks for people trying to understand a child with AS is that the child can appear far more 'able' than they actually are. I was forever saying to my daughter, how can someone so clever be so stupid at the same time. I've since learnt that they can be very advance in intellectual intelligence but way behind their peers in emotional intelligence. My daughter's occupational therapist told me that generally AS kids are emotionally/socially around 2/3rds of their actual age. When you look at behaviours in this context they can be more understandable.

And don't feel guilty for not understanding AS fully. Nobody does. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Experts can give you pointers and a general understanding but they will never understand your son and his AS as much as you will.