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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ear Piercing

96 replies

Connemara12 · 18/07/2011 15:42

Our daughter has asked to have hear ears pierced for her 4th birthday, which, based on our social and cultural norms, my husband and I are willing to allow our doctor to do at her next visit. I see this is a much-discussed topic on mumsnet. I am opposed to ear piercing in infants as an inhumane practice, in toddlers as unsafe and in children anywhere but in a doctor's office. Apart from the questions of safety and hygiene, aesthetically I think that small age-appropriate studs are pretty for little girls. Your thoughts?

OP posts:
Kayano · 18/07/2011 16:14

I had mine done at 4, I asked and it was done

No regrets and NO ABUSE.

Child abuse accusations actually make me laugh.

alewVera · 18/07/2011 16:17

I don't think that ear piercings even compare to child abuse. There are much much worse forms of child abuse, and to consider ear piercing as a form of abuse is IMO silly.

MetalSian · 18/07/2011 16:17

I had mine done at 4, no infection, no problems, didn't even cry when they were done, and they are still done now.

I would understand the problem if she wanted a lip piercing at 4, but ears really aren't exactly a big deal.
Its your choice, she is your daughter.

I would just make her understand if she wants it she needs to know that it needs to be cleaned everyday. =]

GwendolineMaryLacey · 18/07/2011 16:17

My 3.5yo wanted 2 big chocolate biscuits and a Cornetto for breakfast this morning. She didn't get it. She would also like to go to bed at midnight and watch Peppa Pig for 20 hours a day. Guess what, she's not in charge, I am. People who do things kjust because their small child asks are more than a little bit bonkers.

onehellofaride · 18/07/2011 16:21

awful

MooMooFarm · 18/07/2011 16:21

Can't believe people are comparing this to child abuse Confused.

Personally I do think it looks a bit tacky, but I don't have any moral issues with children having their ears pierced if they really want to and are old enough to have asked! I had mine done at a young age (about seven, I think...), only because my mum was taking my older sister to have hers done and I threw a paddy and wanted mine done too. Looking back it was maybe a bit young, but I don't think it's caused me any psychological damage. And I've never wished I'd never had them done.

Lets face it, most girls end up having their ears pierced don't they? I wouldn't imagine it ever being something you regret. If you don't want to wear earrings, you take them out. Not exactly a biggie.

Spuddybean · 18/07/2011 16:21

my parents are working class and had mine done when i was a year old (in the late 70's). We then moved to a very middle class area and i was the only one in my class with my ears pierced. The other kids mums would not invite me to their parties/houses after school as i was 'nouveau riche' (something adults actually said to my face!)

Anyway, now i am middle class (due to the area i was brought up/profession/accent etc) i do think it's tacky. My half sister had her twin girls pierced at 2 and my whole family coo over the dangly monstrosities they wear.

I have said i would never have my dc's done and my family think i am mad, a bitch, out of order, slagging them off etc. My mum has also said she would have my dc's done when i'm not there! (i don't have any yet - ttc).

I have told her if she damages my child she needs to replace it with a new one of equal value!

Oh yes and i also said if she pierces my child i will pierce a hole thru her head - so perhaps i'm not that middle class after all....aahhh you can take the girl out of Streatham...

MsChanandlerBong · 18/07/2011 16:23

I'm still a bit gob smacked that a doctor would do this? On the NHS? Really?!

Cultural differences and social norms aside, I don't think it looks very 'nice' when a child gets their ears pierced. I had to wait until I was 11 (summer holidays between junior and secondary school) and I will expect my daughter to wait until a similar age.

Also, if you have them pierced when you are very small, isn't there the potential that your ear lobes may grow/change shape as you get older and the holes end up in the wrong place?? Blush if this is a really stupid question!

giveitago · 18/07/2011 16:24

Oh nothing f'ing changes on this forum. Glad no one is lobbing to the OP to go along with her 4 year old wishes.It's shame, however, those of us who had piercings as children or who have had them done for this children are labelled basically as abusers. Laughable.And, in many cases, racist.

OpinionatedPlusSprogs · 18/07/2011 16:25

I think simple studs look pretty.

My DD (5) wants hers done. I have told her it hurts and that it will be sore afterwards. She understands this so I am fine with it. She is responsible about washing her hands and usually does as she is asked so I know she will co-operate with the aftercare needed. If they understand that it will be sore and why hygiene is important then they are old enough IMO.

gepublic · 18/07/2011 16:25

We're lucky that at the school my girls (ages 5 and 3) go to virtually no one has their ears pierced, so it's never come up. If they did ask, I would say they had to wait until they were at least 11 (but then I'm the cruel Mum who won't buy her five year old those ghastly patent leather Lelli Kelly boots with a cuban heel, that frankly make even the most wholesome little girl look like a street walker.) Like circumcision, ear piercing should be absolutely and solely the parents decision, and that includes whether or not they defer the decision to their children. Four year old's are fickle, but so are teenagers - and I'm not sure I trust either to make a sensible decision. I guess making them wait until they are 18, and their body is legally theirs, would be being unreasonable??

MooMooFarm · 18/07/2011 16:25

They wear danglies? Seriously? Surely that's dangerous, assuming they're still young?

Just out of interest - when you say 'never' surely you don't mean 'never'? What age would you allow it?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 18/07/2011 16:25

I'm opposed to it on safety/hygiene grounds, I also don't think 4 is old enough to make an informed decision (I have a 5 year old who wants hers done and has been told no). I do think little studs look quite pretty on little girls, but so do quite a lot of "grown up" style clothes which make them look like mini grownups when they are far too young. A girl I know (7) is beautiful and because of her ear studs and the way she dresses looks like a small grownup (apart from missing her front teeth at the moment!), it is easy to forget that she is only 7 and it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, let girls be girls.

thursday · 18/07/2011 16:26

how is it racist??

minipie · 18/07/2011 16:27

I don't think it's abuse.

I do think all children look better without bits of their body pierced. Just like I think they look better without tattoos, makeup or high heels.

stickylittlefingers · 18/07/2011 16:27

have you checked the rules at the school you intend to send her to? Our local school says no jewellery. Sure you could argue the toss if it came up, but it might be a consideration.

Cyclebump · 18/07/2011 16:27

Ok, so consensual not the word, but I meant it's nit against her will or being forced on her.

Anyhoo, am hiding the thread now, it's just a bit too mad for me!

MooMooFarm · 18/07/2011 16:28

gepublic you don't feel your DCs bodies are legally theirs until they're 18? I think you may have a problem when they get to 16 and are legally old enough to do much worse than have their ears pierced.

bonkers20 · 18/07/2011 16:31

You asked whether they were pretty in 4YOs. Though I would never get it done to my own DD I do actually think small studs can look pretty in some young girls. You say this is the norm in your culture. Out on a limb I'm guessing you're Asian and your DD has dark skin and thick dark hair with brown eyes? There are certainly a lot of uglier things people do to their little girls in the name of fashion (tracksuits with "I'm cute" written on the bum for example).

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 18/07/2011 16:32

I am with those that are getting uncomfortable with the over-use of the word "abuse".

By over using it for things like ear piercing, the word starts to loose its meaning and gets devalued.

Are we really using the same word for putting ear studs in a little girls ears as for what happended to Baby P?

MooMooFarm · 18/07/2011 16:33

What TheseThings says.

Spuddybean · 18/07/2011 16:34

Sorry Moomoo, not being clear at all - they are 6 now but have worn danglers since about 4. Not chandeliers but hoops....elizabeth duke i think!

Apologies about that racism against people who buy their tom foollery in argos! Wink

Erm if you were asking me what age i would say 13 probably.

I taught at a secondary school once where the 11 year old girls were starting with eyebrow and belly rings. When i asked what their mums thought they said they had had theirs done with them at the same time 2 years earlier.

gepublic · 18/07/2011 16:36

Ok, and my children do, occasionally, get what they ask for. That includes chocolate for breakfast and Peppa Pig at midnight. Getting a sense that they do have some control over their environment is not a bad thing and giving your kid what they ask for for their birthday, for goodness sake, is hardly the same as giving up all parental control. You want a Barbie and earrings for your birthday? Don't be silly. What I want you to have is a library card, Happy Birthday darling.

TeaOneSugar · 18/07/2011 16:36

My dd had hers done a few months ago, aged 7.5, she asked and was old enough to understand it would hurt and she'd have to put up with me turning and cleaning them for a few weeks - and that I wouldn't expect her to complain about it.

She wears small studs for school but will be allowed something a bit fancier in the holidays. I probably wouldn't have let her have them done before 7, but not one of life's big issues IMO.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 18/07/2011 16:40

Well why stop there then? My dd is fascinated by the tattoo on my cousin's shoulder. I'll take her down the tattoo parlour after work tonight. I'd hate her to have no control over her environment.

You let a 4yo have their ears pierced because you want their ears pierced.