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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that my partner mingled with he shes in Bangkok?!

92 replies

lolabanola · 15/07/2011 14:29

My partner of 10 years went to Thailand a few months ago on a 'blokes holiday' to celebrate one of his friends birthdays, I didn't mind him going at all. Yesterday one of the friends put the holiday pictures on facebook. There was my partner grabbing a 'he - she's' boob, there is another one of him touching this persons nipple and another of him with his arm round a female prostitute smiling. He said the whole he - she thing was just a laugh and they were all in fits of laughter at the transexual ( yes they are very childish when together!), he said he was just talking to the female prostitute, I know in my own mind that he would never have sex with a prostitute. So, AIBU so be making his life hell since seeing the pictures? I personally find them sick and seedy, he says it was all done for a laugh ... what do you think?!

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 15/07/2011 15:04

For goodness sakes spoc. It matters not if a person is male or female - you cannot grope them!

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 15:05

No TheBigJessie because i agree with what you mean but not in the terms of a Ladyboy. Because they are MEN and see them selves as MEN and they are NOT confused about there gender. So there breasts are just for show.

garlicbutter · 15/07/2011 15:06

You're making a lot of weird assumptions there, Spoc. Wikipedia: Kathoey.

I used to know several people like this - born male, medically enhanced to display both genders - in Brazil, where they're also fairly common and socially accepted. Too many of them end up in the sex trades, partly due to inadequate handling of their innate identity confusion. I don't know if that's also the case in Thailand, the cultural pressures might be different.

lolabanola, YANBU. He behaved very disrespectfully, treating sex workers as if they're not fully human.

I have to say that lads' holidays in Thailand are one of my dealbreakers. I made my mind up after travelling in the country and seeing how all these 'normal guys' behave there. Sorry you've got to deal with this in your own relationship :(

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 15:07

Pootles2010b yes you can if you have permission. This is not the argument. The argument is if the Ladyboy'S BOOBS are considered to be in the same legue as a female / transgenders boobs would be. I dont think they are.

Motherofalllizards · 15/07/2011 15:08

Live and let live....he did come back home to you after all.

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 15:09

No assumptions here. this is what it says "kathoey" suggests that the person self-identifies as a type of male, unlike the term sao praphet song, which (like "trans woman

We are not on about Brazil and i no nothing about it there.

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 15:16

Depends what he may have brought back with him as a "present".

He may say he hasnt got up to anything out there.. I would honestly find that very hard to believe. Did he go and sit in his room watching telly while his other mates were out... I very much doubt it.

I know you think he would "never do this" OP, but why did he go on the holiday, surely he isnt naive enough to think it would be to look at the temples and the other beautiful scenery that the country has to offer, and those photos would be the tip of the iceberg I imagine.

TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 15:16

Well, the standard-issue berk poking a "lady-boy"s breasts obviously doesn't regard the breasts in the same way as he does his best friend's hairy male chest, does he?

I am uncomfortable with the idea of treating assault of similar/same body areas differently, based on how traumatic or non-traumatic the victim found it, if you see what I mean. I don't like the precedent it sets.

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 15:17

If the person whose breast was being groped wasnt offended, bothered, or upset by it, then it isnt assault.

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 15:19

I see what you mean. But this was not a sexual attack. it was consensual. Also its hard to see it as being wrong when you thing the ladyboys recognise themselfs as male but have had breast implants for money. To me it is similar to drag queens

Original poster
lolabanola · 15/07/2011 15:22

I don't see them as being drag queens, they have breast implants, breasts are breasts, drag queens don't have breasts, my partner wouldn't want to touch a drag queens chest, he obviously wanted to touch this persons breasts because they looked real

OP posts:
Original poster
lolabanola · 15/07/2011 15:24

and yes, he is vile for doing this and so are his friends, they are childish fools

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 15:26

Weeeeel, it depends how you define consensual, and the murkiness of defining exploitation. But maybe that's a side-point. As I wasn't there, and having never spoken to the person who maybe was a victim, and maybe wasn't.

However, the second bit of your post: don't you think that's a bit like saying "you can't rape a prostitute"?

Original poster
lolabanola · 15/07/2011 15:29

it was consensual, well, i assume it was by the look on the persons face, they were also pulling their own top and bra down.

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 15:34

Incidentally, as well as feeling disgusted in general by your partner, if you are also feeling betrayed, it would be quite reasonable enough.

I'd count it as infidelity and so would my husband.

TheCrackFox · 15/07/2011 15:37

I don't think that they would allow the men to cop a feel without money changing hands.

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 15:38

I wouldnt count that on its own as infidelity. Inappropriate, and disrespectful to me perhaps, but thats it. However, I really would not believe that this was all that went on, I just wouldnt.

Thailand is notorious for its sex trade and there really is no other reason why groups of men go there other than to sample it.

It is much like a gambler going to Vegas and saying they didnt go in a casino really. Would anyone be gullible enough to believe that.

TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 15:42

Quick clarification: please don't read my post as saying that you should feel he's been unfaithful.

There's no should/shouldn't. Whatever you feel is probably fair, because it would be your feeling about your relationship.

pink4ever · 15/07/2011 15:47

He only had his photos taken with the prostitutes? really?Hmm. I heard the same story from my bil when he worked in romania. All his friends were going with prostitutes but he only had a handjob because he was too scared of sti's!.
Please go and get yourself checked out. I find it hard to believe that your dp didnt get up too far more than he is letting on.

badmummy101 · 15/07/2011 15:49

i would be furious.
how would you react if he had a female prostitutes tit in his hand? cause for me what was going on south of the border doesnt matter.

ENormaSnob · 15/07/2011 15:54

Get thee to the clap clinic.

CrapolaDeVille · 15/07/2011 16:02

To be fair OP, he wouldn't have to pay to have sex in Bangkok. There are enough desperate women there that would sleep with a WEsterner to escape a life of abject poverty......I have seen it. It really is one place that I wouldn't want my DH to go.

Catslikehats · 15/07/2011 16:19

Regardless of the gender definition of the person involved and whether the grope was consensual are not you are basically talking about a western mad degrading a sex worker.

grim.

TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 16:22

Regardless of the gender definition of the person involved and whether the grope was consensual are not you are basically talking about a western mad degrading a sex worker.

This.

DaisyDaresYOU · 15/07/2011 16:27

My dp wanted us to take our kids there Hmm after hearing his m8s stories(they go out there to shag)It's really not the sort of place I want my Lo's exposed to.It's quite sad really that western men use them.Someone came back with the clap.Serves them right!