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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that my partner mingled with he shes in Bangkok?!

92 replies

lolabanola · 15/07/2011 14:29

My partner of 10 years went to Thailand a few months ago on a 'blokes holiday' to celebrate one of his friends birthdays, I didn't mind him going at all. Yesterday one of the friends put the holiday pictures on facebook. There was my partner grabbing a 'he - she's' boob, there is another one of him touching this persons nipple and another of him with his arm round a female prostitute smiling. He said the whole he - she thing was just a laugh and they were all in fits of laughter at the transexual ( yes they are very childish when together!), he said he was just talking to the female prostitute, I know in my own mind that he would never have sex with a prostitute. So, AIBU so be making his life hell since seeing the pictures? I personally find them sick and seedy, he says it was all done for a laugh ... what do you think?!

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 15/07/2011 14:48

I would be taking all of this with a pinch of salt. One of his group has gone far further than just having a laugh with the friendly Thai prossies.

CrapolaDeVille · 15/07/2011 14:48

I know loooong happy marriages that do not survive a man going to Thailand. Having been there I can see why. You can practically taste the most vileness of misogyny in Bangkok......

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 14:48

HE/SHE's in Bangcock pride themselves on being Ladyboys. Its how they get their money. They even have a well known show called the LADYBOYS of BANGCOCK.
These people are not confuesed transgender people. They are men who choose to have implants for money. Men touching fake mens boobs in not seedy or cheating. I agree that if your husband touched another womens breast then it would be out of order (not really cheating though).

NoMoreWasabi · 15/07/2011 14:49

Would I have a problem with DH talking to transgender people? No

Would I have a problem with DH touching the (female form) breasts of a prostitute and being photographed doing so? Certainly yes.

CrapolaDeVille · 15/07/2011 14:49

And before everyone starts crapping on about trust...forget it. Loooooong happy marriages, where the men are beyond cheating.

brownleatherbrogues · 15/07/2011 14:49

most vileness of misogyny

i think both sexes use each other to be fair

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 14:50

Squeakytoy - What does Kathoey mean?

TheCrackFox · 15/07/2011 14:50

The Ladyboys of Bangcock (I have seen them in Cabaret in Edinburgh) are entirely unconvincing close up. They really look like men with a ton of makeup on close up but from a distance look like beautiful women.

Original poster
lolabanola · 15/07/2011 14:50

My partners friend was actually kissing the person in one of the pictures so i take it that he paid for the extras. I really do know that my partner wouldn't pay for sex, bigjessie, i completely agree with your comments, it was degrading

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 15/07/2011 14:51

Sorry but your DP and his mates sound like those immature and ghastly Brits that most tourist destination countries have to put up with. I would be more worried about that.

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 14:51

However, I would say, that a "blokes" holiday to a place like Thailand is unlikely to be an innocent sightseeing trip..

I know a group of men who go there every year, and I also know that they spend most of their time drinking, and with prostitutes.. that is what most men go to that country for.

I wouldnt be happy with my husband going on that type of holiday, but luckily I know he wouldnt go anyway because that sort of thing is of no interest to him.

TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 14:51

"TheBigJessie - i assume you are a real women???"

Interesting choice of word, there. In this context, I think, yes.

So, why isn't it sexual assault if someone gropes the breasts of someone biologically male? Is it something to do with the strict letter of the law, or different reasoning?

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 14:53

Spock, "kathoey" is the tradition/proper name for the ladyboys.

Crack, my mum went with her friends to watch that show in Manchester and said it was very good. I was a bit Shock when she told me, as she was 75 at the time, and I really wasnt expecting to hear she went to that!

LDNmummy · 15/07/2011 14:53

Just saw Turnipcakes post and that is exactly what I was thinking.

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 14:55

TheBigJessie - from what Op has said the touching was consensual, so NOT a sexual assault.

If i were to touch a womens breast or transgender breast then that is not on (unless given permission). BUT the he/she's are male and not transgender. The see themselves as male and only do this for the money. So the boobs are FAKE. abit like a nice top or necklace.

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 14:56

Squeakytoy. Do you know what it actually means? does it mean Ladyboy?

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 14:57

Spoc... what on earth are you on about? Of course they are trans-gender. The boobs are as real a part of their body as any on Pamela Anderson or Katie Price.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 15/07/2011 14:57

YANBU to feel that your partner behaved in a seedy way. I could not respect someone who was so vile as to think that it was all good fun to mock and manhandle another human being, to use that person as entertainment, to laugh at them, to get their picture taken with them like they were all part of the experience. Photo of the Grand Palace - check. Photo of the Temple of the Reclining Budda - check. Photo of Leam Phromthep - check. Photo of me grabbing a local in an intimate fashion - check.

ohh, hee hee har har, look it's a man with fake breasts hee hee let me get a picture with this 'freak'. ooh look at me, I'm touching 'it'

I'd have fuck all respect for someone after that, tbh.

squeakytoy · 15/07/2011 14:59

just for you spoc..

to save you using google yourself

springboksaplenty · 15/07/2011 15:01

They are not necessarily transgender. If they still view themselves as male but have breasts as a form of body modification I wouldn't put them in the same category as someone who has breast implants as a way to align their exterior body image with their interior body image.

TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 15:01

Ye-es, but I think it would (if non-consensual) qualify as sexual-assault, because it would be sexually- motivated assault, against an area commonly thought of (in the West) as a sexual region of the body.

If I was a pre-operative female-male transsexual, groping of my breasts would still be sexual assault. See what I mean?

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 15:03

yeah it means what i thought. So they are not trans-gender in the normal sense. Kathoey means male - female but focuses on it meaning male.

So i stand by what i said.

TurnipCake · 15/07/2011 15:03

TheMagnificent - nail on head

MrSpoc · 15/07/2011 15:04

Thankyou springboksaplenty. thats put it better than i could

Malificence · 15/07/2011 15:04

I think that you have a vile man for a partner and that he has vile mates too.

Groups of men usually go to Thailand for one thing only , and it aint the diving.