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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my 3 (very nearly 4 year old) to know at least Some of her numbers and letters after a year of preschool?

69 replies

pingu2209 · 14/07/2011 19:03

I think I have PMT so not really rational. I am really pissed off with my dd. She is very nearly 4 (2 more weeks) and has been at preschool for a year. She starts school in September.

I have been testing her letter and number recognition (only PINSAP and 1-5).

She didn't know any of them, not one of them.

I know that they have been doing LOADS of work in the preschool on the above letters and numbers and I am really pissed off.

I am also very worried. Her eldest brother has a severe language disorder and he really really struggled to learn any numbers or letters at the same age.

I had to walk away as I wanted to shout at her, which I know is unreasonable.

AIBU?

OP posts:

StrandedBear · 14/07/2011 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuePurblybilt · 14/07/2011 19:06

Well YABU to be cross with her but you know that. Maybe the pre-school haven't done as much as you think? If I waited for DD's PS to teach her anything like that, I'd still be waiting. Maybe the way they've been doing things doesn't work for her. Have you thought about asking the staff there - they should have a record of where she's at?

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 19:08

You're pissed off with your DD struggling? Nice :(

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 19:09

If it's a decent preschool BTW, they probably aren't doing that much on it - it should be child led and all learning through play, not sitting on the carpet learning letters.

ilovesprouts · 14/07/2011 19:10

pre school dont they play more than learn

Numberfour · 14/07/2011 19:11

I think that you should arrange to meet with her key worker to see if they have any concerns about your daughter. The EYFS sets out clear expected milestones that most children could expect to reach at certain ages and stages. Of course, all kids are different and one may zoom ahead in one area while appear to be "behind" in another.

Ask to see your child's folder / record of learning / learning journey or what ever they call it, and try to find out how she is progressing generally.

Whatever the situation is, it is not your kid's "fault".

MovingAndScared · 14/07/2011 19:12

my DS didn't know many letters at all after pre-school - wasn't interested - done fine in reception - know them all now - but I guess you are just worried because of your DS

Firawla · 14/07/2011 19:14

i think yabu, being angry is not going to help her learn it. maybe there are some fun ways which would appeal to her and help her to learn? the main reason my ds knows numbers is because of thomas the tank engine, but letters he is not very interested. if you're concerned talk to the preschool, they should be aware if she doesnt know it, and come up with some suggestions what you can all do to help her

atmywitssend · 14/07/2011 19:15

Not sure that they teach them numbers and letters at pre-school but if they know them then they do use them. I'd check with them exactly what they have been doing with her. DS knows them but only because he is interested and we have done lots of "work" at home (eg reading ooks with numbers, counting animals etc)

Glitterknickaz · 14/07/2011 19:16

what the......
is the OP for real?

AngryFeet · 14/07/2011 19:17

Really? You are pissed off? I think you are being way too pushy and are in danger of putting her off learning. I have no idea if DS knows his letters and numbers on sight tbh. I doubt it though and he is 4.5. When he starts reception he will learn this stuff and there is no necessity to do so before. Give the poor kid a break!

libelulle · 14/07/2011 19:19

I'd be worried if they were pushing numbers and letters to any significant degree. We stick kids in formal learning earlier than almost anywhere else in Europe, with very little evidence that it does any good, and some evidence that it is harmful. I started primary at 6, and I assure you i can read and write. I get the background to your worry, but she is 3 - literally years off the point where you need to start worrying.

exoticfruits · 14/07/2011 19:20

No need to do it before she starts school. Did pre school lead you to believe they were going to teach?

Wigeon · 14/07/2011 19:22

I think YABU at being angry at either your DD or at the pre-school. As others have said, pre-school is much more play-based and I don't think anything in the EYFS says "must learn all 26 letters and numbers up to 100" (although am no expert).

I think your OP also suggests that you think pre-school is entirely responsible for her learning - what about your responsibility as a parent to help her learn? Do you talk about letters / numbers with her during your daily life? Do you read car number plates as you walk along the road? Do you point out letters when you read to her (eg her first intitial, the first letter of your surname, your own initials etc etc etc) or talk about numbers (eg on your front door, on signs on the pavement, on fire hydrant signs (ideally placed at pre-schooler height). I think if you are keen for her to learn her letters and numbers at this age then you stop blaming the pre-school and start working with them.

aquashiv · 14/07/2011 19:23

Think she is still young. Its normal to worry though we all do. Maybe its sometimes our own fears rather than what is real. Think Libelulle is right there is no evidence that early reading makes the child any brighter.

yousankmybattleship · 14/07/2011 19:23

My DD didn't know any letters or numbers at the end of pre-school. I'm very happy that she didn't. She loved her pre-school and learned lots about sharing, cooperation and basic things such as holding a paintbrush or using scissors. She was reading fluently by the end of reception. You seriously need to chill out OP or you are in danger of putting your DD off learning altogether.

Original poster

pingu2209 · 14/07/2011 19:24

I am very worried. I had no idea DS1 had a language disorder before school. It came as a huge shock. As such I watch my other children like hawks to pick up on any delay in development.

Preschool are 'outstanding' and they do push the children and learn letters and numbers. Yes this is something they try to teach the children.

I will be devistated if yet another of my children is SEN. It is hard enough with 1 SEN child.

I just don't know whether she should know her SATPIN and 1-5 by now or not? She certainly can't write her name, but can just about recognise it if it is in certain font etc.

OP posts:

Wigeon · 14/07/2011 19:24

Also agree with others about it really not being a problem if she doesn't know all her letters and numbers. And I'd only do all the things I suggest in my post above if it's fun for your DD - not as some sort of serious attempt at getting her reading as soon as possible.

Whogivesa · 14/07/2011 19:24

YABU. Your post made me feel

Lady1nTheRadiator · 14/07/2011 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HumperdinkFangboner · 14/07/2011 19:28

I can understand why you're worried, I'm the same, watching DD like a hawk for signs that she has the same problems as DS.

BUT you need to sort through your own issues before they affect your DD.

As the others have said not being able to read, write, recognise letters at this stage has no bearing on what she'll be like when she starts more formal learning.

pigletmania · 14/07/2011 19:29

Mabey she feels pressured, it certainly comes across in your posts. Have you had a meeting with her teachers at preschool? What do they think? You can teach her in a fun way. My dd is into Dora and Peppa Pig so I try to find educational materials with those themes, so it makes learning fun. Just teach her in short bursts. Mabey use playdoh and put numbers in them and ask her what they are if she gets them wrong, don't put her down or make her feel bad, just tell her the number and move on. I got dd a dvd with Dora counting to 100, in fact most of the Doras are quite educational and do colours and numbers with them.

Sarsaparilllla · 14/07/2011 19:31

If it's important to you teach her yourself, how do you only just know this?

RobynLou · 14/07/2011 19:32

DD1 is 4 in august. she can count to 13 and recognises her name and a few other letters, she makes a good stab at writing her name.
others in her class can do much more, others less.

she learnt to recognise her name because they all have to pick out their name from a table and put it in a pot on their way into preschool - their way of doing a register. anything else is stuff she's picked up from us.

I wouldn't expect preschool to be teaching this stuff - DD1 spends most her time squidging playdough and burying dinos in the sandpit, just as I thought she would.

have you tried doing counting games with your DD? singing counting songs, counting the steps up the stairs etc?

pigletmania · 14/07/2011 19:32

I used to be like you but have learned to relax and take dd pace not mine, if she does not want to do her numbers or letters we leave it, and do something dd does want to do. When we are out an about we count various objects, or i will ask her what colour that leaf is, or what colour is that car. DD does have SN she has social communication difficulties with speech and lang developmental delay, awaiting an ASD dx from Paed.

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