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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little miffed at MIL's attitude towards ds's reluctance to sleep at her house on Friday night?

103 replies

DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 21:59

Ds is 9 and a bit of a home boy. Dh and I go out together rarely, if we do he prefers a sitter to come to our house. He is not a kid who enjoys sleeping over at other peoples houses. On Fri dh and I are off to the theatre and I called MIL to ask if she would babysit. She said yes, but she prefers him to go to hers so he can sleep there and she can go to bed at her usual time of 9.30pm.

Anyway, MIl had him for 1 hour today whilst I went to running club and when I got back she told me he had agreed to sleep at hers. Ds piped up 'Wel I think I will, I might change my mind, I'm not sure' MIL sent him out of the room and told me that I should not allow him to change his mind and this reluctance is ridiculous and that I should put my foot down. She said 'I am his Grandmother not some random stranger'

Now I know she is right, she is not a stranger, but, it doesn't sit right with me forcing him to sleep somewhere if he doesn't want/need to.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 12/07/2011 22:26

DS1 slept in with my Mum when she had taken them to see Jurassic park and DS1 kept her up all night talking about the diamondsaws..Grin

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 22:27

Ohhh! Weekend stayovers at Nanny and Grandad's, sleeping on the camp bed in their room... those were the days, Pumpkin.

Very sadly my Nanny and Grandad aren't here to share those memories with. :( How I miss them.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 12/07/2011 22:27

The only thing I would be cautious of (and cautious is maybe too strong) is if the 'maybe I'll change my mind' attitude from your DS is because he felt somewhat pressured to agree with his Grandma in the first place? I could see a 9 yo not wanting to out-and-out disagree/say no to an adult, and maybe he agreed thinking that he could back out before the actual day. I'd be miffed she used the hour she was sitting with him to talk him into it tbh.

Obviously I could be reading the situation completely wrong. It's hard not to bring your own biases into these things! Smile

CurrySpice · 12/07/2011 22:27

I think your MiL couldn't win with the sending him out thing.

If she'd said what she said in front of him, that wouldn't have been great either

I think it would probably do your DS good to be encouraged to go and sleep at his nan's. If he never wants to go away from home he might miss out on some great fun on school trips / sleep overs / scout camps and the like. And Granny's is a nice gentle place to start plus you might never get rid of him and you'll find he's still living at home when he's 43 :o

WinkyWinkola · 12/07/2011 22:27

I'd talk to your DS about the conversation your mil and your DS had. Is he normally rude? Is he piping up like that for a reason? I'd listen to him.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:27

Anyway, I digress. Dh will collect him early on Sat am to take him to football training so he has that to look forward to, and I will promise him fish and chips on the way to his Memere's house for a treat.

OP posts:
nicknamechanged · 12/07/2011 22:28

maybe im wrong but i got the feeling the lad was railroaded into agreeing by his grandma and backtraked when his mum was there because he didnt really want to.just said it so his grandma would leave him alone.... i can see my 9 yr old doing that!

AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 22:30

Well good on yer MIL DrN Grin

No housework and back massages into the bargain, I hope I have the balls to be so outrageous when I get a bit older Grin

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:30

Not normally rude no, but I think I know where that comes from. Dh was sent to boarding school between the ages of 9 and 11 and hated every moment of it, and would cry and beg his parents to take him home. Dh has always maintained, if ds is ever anywhere he doesn't want to be he will collect him at anytime of the night.

OP posts:
PaisleyLeaf · 12/07/2011 22:31

Cor. You offer to help someone out (for the 2nd time this week).... and this is the thanks you get?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:32

nicknamechanged I am pretty sure she railroaded him into it!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 22:33

Your poor DH.

Why did they keep him there if he was so unhappy?

reelingintheyears · 12/07/2011 22:33

If he's in a safe place then what's the problem...

Pick him up and take him out for breakfast in the morning.

In fact...pick him and his Granny up and you all go for breakfast.

Make it fun and a treat.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:33

I am thankful she is willing to look after her grandson actually. I will thank her and take her some flowers to show my appreciation. Never said I wasn't grateful.

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 12/07/2011 22:34

Maybe he needs a little gentle railroading though. And I hope you know what I mean like that

And I think being packed off to boarding school and hating it is a bit different from spending one night at granny's when dad's coming early next morning to pick you up! I hope your DH isn't projecting his feelings onto your DS

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:35

Agent they were going through a messy divorce and dh was seen as the troublesome child who needed 'stability'. His brother who is 18 months older got to stay home and go to the local school.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 12/07/2011 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellavita · 12/07/2011 22:36

I can kind of see his reluctance to stay at his grandmas tbh... 9 years old and ne has to sleep on a campbed in her room... She probably s'mores and keeps him awake!

bellavita · 12/07/2011 22:36

Snores

LittleMissFlustered · 12/07/2011 22:38

I'd not be happy with the camp bed in the same room thing. Does he like his own space? I hated sharing a room at that age, and still do to be fair. If she goes to bed at nine thirty could he perhaps have the sofa?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:38

No I would not suggest she sleeps on a camp bed instead of him (she has a bad back remember Wink

I know he is my child not hers and I am lucky she will have him (for the 2nd time this week, thankyou)

I know I can pay for a babysitter if I don't like it

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 22:39

Sad that really is so sad they decided to define stability as sending him away from his home DrN, I'm not surprised he doesn't want to push your DS.

AuntiePickleBottom · 12/07/2011 22:39

a bad suggestion, perhaps ds sleep in the living room on the camp bed

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:41

Camp bed in the front room good idea, but 'friend' will be in there watching TV probably. Will chat to ds in the morning.

OP posts:
bellavita · 12/07/2011 22:43

DrN, I think at 9 he at least has to have a say in whether he wants to go to MIL's and sleep in her room or not.