Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little miffed at MIL's attitude towards ds's reluctance to sleep at her house on Friday night?

103 replies

DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 21:59

Ds is 9 and a bit of a home boy. Dh and I go out together rarely, if we do he prefers a sitter to come to our house. He is not a kid who enjoys sleeping over at other peoples houses. On Fri dh and I are off to the theatre and I called MIL to ask if she would babysit. She said yes, but she prefers him to go to hers so he can sleep there and she can go to bed at her usual time of 9.30pm.

Anyway, MIl had him for 1 hour today whilst I went to running club and when I got back she told me he had agreed to sleep at hers. Ds piped up 'Wel I think I will, I might change my mind, I'm not sure' MIL sent him out of the room and told me that I should not allow him to change his mind and this reluctance is ridiculous and that I should put my foot down. She said 'I am his Grandmother not some random stranger'

Now I know she is right, she is not a stranger, but, it doesn't sit right with me forcing him to sleep somewhere if he doesn't want/need to.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
mumblechum2 · 12/07/2011 22:12

Fabby, are you in one of your weird moods tonight?

Is it a full moon or summat, you've been laying into people left right and centre.

PumpkinBones · 12/07/2011 22:13

She probably felt a bit hurt and expressed it in a bad way!

FabbyChic, I am Shock Shock Shock at your attitude! Talk about martyr!!

reelingintheyears · 12/07/2011 22:14

Fabby...STFU now please.

LaurieFairyCake · 12/07/2011 22:14

Fabby - you're mad, the OP has said she hardly ever goes out.

You are so ridiculously critical.

AuntiePickleBottom · 12/07/2011 22:14

so if he can stay in a hotel/caravan ect why is it such a problem to sleep over his nan home

nicknamechanged · 12/07/2011 22:14

yanbu i hate sleeping at other peoples houses, i want my own bed and y own things

and 9 year old boys are tactless, ive got one myself!

LaurieFairyCake · 12/07/2011 22:14

Ah, have just realised Fabby always does this.

She'd be a troll if she was bright enough.

squeakytoy · 12/07/2011 22:15

I think your sons answer was quite cheeky. At 9 he should be sleeping where he is told he is sleeping, not being given options that affect his parents social life.

AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 22:15

Nice comeback for fabby there DrN, touche Grin

TheSecondComing · 12/07/2011 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:16

Auntie I think his issue is he misses us.......it all came about after my Dad died in 2009 this reluctance thing.

nicknamechanged - yes, tact is the last thing on his mind God love him!

OP posts:
DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 22:17

Yes she's doing you a favour and to an extent I'd say that DS is a child and should do as he is told by you. Grandma is presumably not a monster and so if you decree that he's to stay with her and she's in agreement so be it, no arguments...

... but I'd be bloody pissed off if my mother sent my child out of the room because he politely said that he was unsure about the plan! It's not her place to do that. Fair enough if he'd been rude or stropped but even then it would be my job to tell him to leave the room (and I would!) but that isn't the case here.

I think both need speaking to, Mum to be reminded whose child this is and son to be reminded that he's not a baby and if you say he's going to Grandmas so I can go to a rare theatre trip he's going, unless he has a far better reason than just "I don't want to".

mumblechum2 · 12/07/2011 22:17

I think perhaps he does need some gentle guidance about not hurting his grandma's feelings.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:18

My Mum lives 80 miles away so this would never arise.

Part of the reason is (I think) he does not have his own room at MIL's so he has to sleep on a camp bed in her room. The spare room belongs to her live in 'friend'.

OP posts:
nicknamechanged · 12/07/2011 22:20

he maybe a child but he still has thoughts of his own, if he doesnt like sleeping out then forcing him seems cruel?

AuntiePickleBottom · 12/07/2011 22:20

cold you then make him a promise, like he takes his swimming things over to his nan's house and then when you pick him up you will go swimming.

LittleMissFlustered · 12/07/2011 22:22

I note your mother in law doesn't like sleeping at yours, but is reluctant to accept that character trait in her grandson. She's just a big fat hypocrite Grin

AuntiePickleBottom · 12/07/2011 22:22

or would mil be prepared to move the camp bed to the living room and she sleep on there while ds has her bed

AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 22:22

If he has to sleep in her room and she goes to bed early, could that be the reason why he doesn't want to stop?

Has to go to bed and sleep according to a set plan.

Most children don't fit into a plan and want to slowly switch off in bed reading or whatever, I don't think I'd like it.

More importantly, does she snore??

A 'friend' eh? Tell us more... Grin

AgentZigzag · 12/07/2011 22:23

Mmmm good point LMF.

PumpkinBones · 12/07/2011 22:23

There aren't many children who have their own bedroom at their grandparents house though are there? I used to stay at my nan and grandad's a lot (so my young mum could have a social life Smile) and didn't have my own room - I loved sleeping in the camp bed. In fact, I have so many happy memories of staying there as a child. Sometimes I phone my nan just to talk about the night I got my leg stuck down the back of the sofa bed and thought it had disappeared...!

reelingintheyears · 12/07/2011 22:23

I never minded my Mum telling DC off or telling them what to do.

It was usually reasonable and never nasty and i always thought that she was the adult and should have the upper hand.

And she never overrode me/DP so there was never a problem.

WinkyWinkola · 12/07/2011 22:24

I'd get a baby sitter. Problem solved.

Who is the live in friend?

ihatecbeebies · 12/07/2011 22:24

I kind of agree with Mil tbh, I think your DS was quite rude in what he said and perhaps you should have discussed his tactlessness with him, I can see how she might have been hurt by what he said especially if they'd previously talked about it together and he had agreed.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 12/07/2011 22:25

The 'friend' is a 40 year old Fillipino waiter she met on a cruise. She took a shine to him and moved him into her apartment. She is sponsoring his time in the UK, putting him up for free and paid for his flights/visa etc. In return he does all her household chores and gives her regular back massages as she suffers from a bad back alot ever since he arrivedHmm

OP posts: