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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD - money and in-laws

20 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 12/07/2011 10:52

My inlaws very kindly offered to buy baby a cot. They didn?t give us a budget but they?d pointed out cotbeds to us at around £150.

I found the cot we loved half price and they were happy with the price (£85)

The cotbed they pointed out had a mattress in ? this one didn?t. DH said he?d speak to them and find out if they were planning to get the mattress too but he hasn?t yet.

Nothing has been said since and I need to budget for a mattress (and other things!) as I only have one more payday before I?m on SMP and it?s going to hit us hard.

They have asked what kind of mattress we?re thinking of getting ? but didn?t offer to pay.

I?ve asked DH a few times if he?s asked them yet (as it?s not my place!) but he hasn?t. Should I just write it off and put aside the money or push DH to follow it up?

OP posts:
M0naLisa · 12/07/2011 10:55

No when he gets home MAKE him phone them. Your dh is putting it off not his parents so speak to him to get his arse in gear.

M0naLisa · 12/07/2011 10:55

No when he gets home MAKE him phone them. Your dh is putting it off not his parents so speak to him to get his arse in gear.

itisnearlysummer · 12/07/2011 10:57

I think I'd probably ask them directly.

Why is it not your place?

You need to know and you're not demanding, just clarifying.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 12/07/2011 11:02

I just don't feel it's my place to ask my inlaws for money.

If the situation was with my parents - I'd take the lead and wouldn't expect him to.

You're right in that I'm not demanding - I do really need to know as I need to buy others things but don't want to commit the money yet in case I need to find another £50+ for a mattress

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 12/07/2011 11:06

I would just buy the mattress myself. I wouldn't ask my own parents for money, so wouldn't expect my DH to ask his. The chances are they'll offer to give you the money, but I think it would be a bit rude to say 'So the mattress is £50, and the cot you looked at had the mattress included...'

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 11:07

What SB said. I wouldn't dream of asking, either as offspring or as DIL.

itisnearlysummer · 12/07/2011 11:09

But you're not asking them for money. They've offered to buy you a gift of a cot. The one you have chosen doesn't come with a mattress, the ones they were looking at were.

I really don't think there is anything wrong in just clarifying that with them. You're really not asking them for money, which would be awkward!

I do really need to know as I need to buy others things but don't want to commit the money yet in case I need to find another £50+ for a mattress

I'd thank them for the kind and generous offer and then just check with them whether they were planning on getting the mattress to or whether you need to budget for that.

As long as your polite about it, I can't see why they'd find a problem in that.

But then I am thinking about me and my ILs.

Good luck.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 12/07/2011 11:10

ShatnersBassoon - that's why I don't want to ask but he assures me they would want to as we got such a bargain on the cot but now I'm feeling they want to go back on it.

I'm not asking for money from either set of parents - but it's so hard when people offer to buy you items without giving you a budget!

Do you go for what you would buy yourself and risk upsetting someone? Or even worse be called cheeky for not going for the cheapest option available?

OP posts:
itisnearlysummer · 12/07/2011 11:10

But the parents have offered.

OP isn't asking for money, just clarifying exactly what the offer was.

Just a one off so either cotbed with / cot without

Or a complete cot which would require a frame and a mattress.

Tbh, if I was giving someone a cot, I wouldn't hesitate to include a mattress. Cot's no good without it!

itisnearlysummer · 12/07/2011 11:11

You could tell them that you hadn't realised how many options there were before you started looking and ask what their budget was.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 12/07/2011 11:12

Thanks itisnearlysummer - I'm truly not asking for the money - just clarity!

I don't mind buying one - just need to know either way!

I'll nugde DH again at the weekend

OP posts:
itisnearlysummer · 12/07/2011 11:14

Well that came across clearly in your OP. Didn't sound like you were asking/expecting to me, so I'm sure it won't to them, given that they made the offer.

Good luck with the baby.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 12/07/2011 11:15

Thanks itisnearlysummer! :)

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 12/07/2011 12:07

How about saying
'I was about to order a mattress to go the lovely cot you bought us, but DH thought you might be ordering one yourselves -- just thought I'd better check so we don't end up with two!'

redexpat · 12/07/2011 16:24

You know ikea has mattresses in the 20-30 range? Just in case you do end up buying one.

bubblesincoffee · 12/07/2011 16:28

I'd buy the matress yourself and just be grateful that they bought the cot. I'm sure you are already though, I didn't mean that you wouldn't be. They might have chosen to but something else with any money they had left over in their budget though, people love choosing baby presents!

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/07/2011 17:28

I would buy the mattress...

If they then offer to pay for it, then you can accept and thank them for their kindness...

mollymole · 12/07/2011 17:32

just buy the mattress - if they then want to contribute they will

FlubbaBubba · 12/07/2011 17:43

Are they physically buying the cot (as opposed to giving you the money for a cot you're buying)? If they are getting it, just ask them whether you need to get a mattress or will they be getting one with the cot? If they sound hesitant, jump in and say you'll get it, no problem, just didn't want to duplicate...

No biggy.

FlubbaBubba · 12/07/2011 17:44

or what lancelottie said - much more succinct than my rambling Blush :o

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