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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my parents to come on holiday with us

18 replies

clpsmum · 11/07/2011 22:22

ive booked a holiday abroad for myself, my hubby and children for next summer. It was to be a surprise for my husband but have now had to tell him as my parents came to stay and announced "we've got a surprise for you we are coming on holiday with you next year"
AIBU that I don't actually want my parents to hijack our holiday? I really don't want them to come but don't know how to tell them without it causing world war 3. Any advice/suggestions greatly appreciated

OP posts:

chicletteeth · 11/07/2011 22:23

Have they booked it?
How did they know where you were going?
If they have booked it, are they staying in the exact same place as you?

Original poster

clpsmum · 11/07/2011 22:28

No not booked it yet but keep pestering me for info so they can book so I'm going to have to do something soon either give them info or tell them I don't want them to come

OP posts:

chicletteeth · 11/07/2011 22:30

Tell 'em no!

There is no way not to upset them, my mum once got upset with me when I said that we didn't want her coming.

She got over it.

Pavlovthecat · 11/07/2011 22:31

ok so

why don't you want them to come?
why would it cause ww3 to tell them you have made plans as a family and would prefer to be just you guys?
what does your husband think of having a holiday with them? ie is it your call alone or does he have a say?
what do the kids think? are they old enough to care/have a say?
how long is it for? can you grin and bear it?

Goodynuff · 11/07/2011 22:32

Have they gone on holiday with you before? Is there a reason you couldn't have sepperate rooms, but meet up during the day? Perhaps they want to spend time with the kids too.
I'm not saying you should holiday with them, just wondering why not, iyswim?

Original poster

clpsmum · 11/07/2011 22:38

I don't want them to come with us because they generally have no patience with my children which really upsets me. They will spend all day by the pool and all night drinking which is not the sort of holiday we want. We have never had a holiday just us before always been with other family members so was looking forward to a 'family' holiday iyswim
It would cause ww3 because they are very selfish and childish and it would offend them.
My dh doesn't want them to come either. Kids too young eldest only 4 and haven't even told him we are going on holiday yet!
It's only for a week so I probably could grin and bear it but I really don't want to come back from holiday more stressed than when I went!

OP posts:

PaperBank · 11/07/2011 22:39

Tell them you've got a surprise for them - they're not coming on holiday with you :o

But if they'd like to arrange a separate meet-up home or away that's fine.

Pavlovthecat · 11/07/2011 22:40

ok, so the fact that you have not had a 'family' holiday before is enough imo. I have had family hols, so I am happy to share mine with the extended family, pain the arse or not, as children are growing older, they need time with the gramps.

But you can easily state this is the first chance for family time, it is important, and you will go on hols next time with them.

(unless they offer to pay, the do two hols one with and one without! )

EdnaKrabappel · 11/07/2011 22:41

I don't get why your parents want to go on holiday with you & dc if they have no patience with the dc, and if they want to do different things. How odd.

Just say, we've made other plans, we thought we'd have a family holiday just the 4 of us. (you will have to spoil the surprise for your dh though).

chicletteeth · 11/07/2011 22:42

Just tell them that it's your first family holiday together and that you'll be going alone.

Try again next year.

Also, do they know you think they're impatient with your DC's?

Pavlovthecat · 11/07/2011 22:43

in fact, you should pose it as

' we would so love to go on holiday with you next year, but unfotrunately we can only stretch to one holiday which is already booked for just us, we won't be able to do two hols...maybe the year after?'

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2011 22:43

Oh come on, why the hell should she go on holiday with her mum and dad if she doesn't want to!

Remind them you've never gone on your own and you are going to do that. For god's sake, why should they feel they can tag along?

Original poster

clpsmum · 11/07/2011 22:45

No they don't know that I think they're impatient but that is a topic I HAVE to broach with them as it's really upsetting me. They want to come with us so they can tell people iyswim " oh yes we were abroad with the three grandchildren" very keeping up with the joneses type people

OP posts:

chicletteeth · 11/07/2011 22:47

Hmm, well best not to say you ain't coming and, oh yeah, you're shit with the grandkids too.
Next time they are impatient, call them on it, so they know you're aware and that you don't like it.

squeakytoy · 11/07/2011 22:47

My answer would be a simple "oh no you are not, we want a break with just the two of us and the kids this time"... no negotiation, no alternatives...

EdnaKrabappel · 11/07/2011 22:47

oh I see. poor you, nowt worse than grandparents who like the title but don't put in any effort. do try and stand up to them though, even if it does cause a fall out. otherwise where and when do you draw the line? start being firm, be united with your dh and think about your own family unit first rather than pleasing people who don't want to be on holiday with you for the right reasons.

Dozer · 11/07/2011 22:48

Don't let'em come!

LRDTheFeministNutcase · 11/07/2011 23:20

God, yes, don't let them come! How rude to put it to you like that, too.

Not that I would ever have the guts to do this myself ... but can you not somehow imply to them that you and your DH will be having wild crazy bunny rabbit sex all hours that your DC are not demanding your immediate attention and therefore their presence would only be welcome as alternative childcare so you can get in more nookie?

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