to tell my parents that they are a disgrace

[popele]

My brother is graduating from university next week and he is the first in my family to ever do so. The ceremonys next week but now my parents have booked a late availability holiday to Spain and so aren't going anymore. My mum says the deal was too good to miss and so they are going to Spain instead.

Yep. They're a disgrace.

No wonder the countrys so fucked up if we have people who tell their children that a job in an office is not a proper job.

YANBU by the way

I guess that going away at the crucial time is their way of not facing up to what they know to be the truth, which is that your brother is a winner and they are sad losers.

I also suspect that your df, in particular, is secretly green with envy and wishes that he'd had the ability, the foresight, and/or the drive to get himself a degree or further his education in some way.

No harm in pointing out to them that by failing to attend his graduation they have spectacularly let your db down, but it's not likely to make a visible dent or bring about any change in their attitude.

It's probable that your db is in for years of snide comments about his poncey non-job, but he shouldn't let this get to him because he's on a fast track to material success and, in all the richness and fullness of his future life, your dps will be a very minor cross to bear.

I hope you'll move heaven and earth to be with your db on his big day - tell him that anyone with any sense will recognise his superb achievement in getting a first, and those that can't see what he has already achieved in his young life are to be pitied.

NBU to think they're awful, they sound just like my in-laws, they think education is a waste from start to finish.

Wouldn't bother telling them though, you'll just get into a fight which will put a cloud over the whole day.

Seconds EvenLessNarkyPuffin's

Wow -a First. He's done really well, and it's sad that they are not bursting with pride, or not showing it by being there, anyway.

Is HE upset wth them?

Blu- He probably will be disappointed but he won't say or do anything as he avoids conflict at all costs.

it's my daughters graduation tomorrow and wild horses wouldn't keep me away. She's also got a job sitting at a computer in an office. I couldn't be prouder.

Tbh, if they've been spectacularly unsupportive of him for the last 3 years at uni, turning up at the grad ceremony and basking in his success would be pretty awful too.

More important to make sure he knows that you are proud of him than to waste your time on your parents I would think.

Will it have occurred to your brother that your dad is jealous? That thought may help him! And the best revenge is a life well lived ...

Huge congratulations to your brother. I'm a university lecturer and one of the things we note at graduation is that although our students come from varied backgrounds (not varied enough but that's another thread) most of the students who do really well have parents who clearly care really deeply about their education. They may not have been to university themselves but they think it matters and they've provided moral support every step of the way.

To get a first without that kind of parental support is truly exceptional. And if he is able to motivate himself to get through university without backing like that then his employers will be getting a bloody bargain!

Sorry about vague reading of OP, OP, .
I'd still say, though, even though it's a shame that they've had this negative attitude, conflict is surely unlikely to alter their POV, so probably best just to enjoy positives, and enjoy being the joyous, supporting relative on the day?

My foster parents did exactly the same to me. I was also being hassled by a pyscho ex at the time. Not sure I've forgiven them.

With those attitudes, who'd want them at a graduation? Probably better they are in Spain because that way, they can't undermine your brother's achievements.

YANBU to tell them that, or to remind them that they shouldn't expect to see any material benefit from his future success either.

Weird, I didn't even know I had a brother!

Of course YANBU.

Same here Georgimama. My husbands parents happy to brag about his DPHIL but took themselves off for a celebration after his graduation ceremony and left him to go back to his flat on his own. Been much the same ever since.
Your brother's lucky to have you Popele. Make sure you help him celebrate his hard work.

Pandemoniaa- You could be right

my mums gone and booked a holiday for the week before i give birth with my sister and her family knowing full well that i might need her as my OH may not be here and MIL is down south and i'll have nobody to babysit DD for me.. mums can be right selfish bitches at times i really feel for your brother give him the best day you can and well bloody done to him your parents can suck eggs whilst he earns a wee fortune in his 'non job' in an office with his 1st :)

Do they actually grasp what he has done? I find their actions absolutely staggering

Good on your brother. With an attitude like your dad's he must have had to push hard to get where he has. Inwish him every sucess.

Ah your poor bro. Hopefully you can go and see him graduate eh? It's a very family orientated type event a graduation. Take him out for a nice lunch or something to celebrate with him. Tell your parents you are very dissapointed in them!

YANBU your parents are morons of the highest order, the idea that any job in an office isn't a proper job is probably most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If it were my parents I wouldn't hesitate to tell them exactly what I think of them.

YANBU I can't believe would take this stance, I went to my brothers graduation with my mum and dad and all 3 of us wept like babies when he walked onto the stage. Deciding to go on a late availability cheap package holiday to Spain isn't in the same universe.

YABU listening to their views about it, I think its better that they aren't going if I'm honest. I wonder if fueled by jealousy that he has done what they're not capable of.