To think I should be "allowed" out with my male friend?

[ComedyandTragedy]

I have a work friend who is a gay male. He's also a social butterfly so tends to arrange loads of nights/days outs with an array of different people. He's one of these people that texts and calls quite a lot but to me this is no different than a female friend calling/texting however DP HATES him (although they've never met) and swears he's just pretending to be gay to get closer to women!! Everytime he texts me DP says "oh for fucks sake, what does that tosser want now? you don't need to have anything to do with him anymore now that he's moved to a different department so why do you entertain him??" but he's just a friend and I don't see why I shouldn't have anything to do with him. He's funny, sweet, helpful and yeah - a bit of a drama queen but couldn't I be talking about any one of my female friends here??

So anyway he invited me to a BBQ at his house along with 20 other people. DP was not pleased and went out of his way to make sure I couldn't go (he booked us tickets for a show that night knowing I wouldn't waste the money/tickets). Then we went out for a leaving do and this bloke happened to be there, DP was furious and tried to make out that he had "Mussled in" on plans to get near the women. I enjoyed that night out anyway but DP tried to make me promise I wouldn't go out with him again.

Anyway I have just been invited to another BBQ at his house, again along with loads of other people (so its hardly one on one!!). I told DP I'm going so he said "great, the sooner he fucks off back to Manchester the better".

Now the one that has really caused problems is that I got an invite to Gay Pride in the local park from this bloke. It would basically be a case of sitting in the sun for a few hours, watching the festivities, few drinks and then home before 6pm. I really wanted to go and DP said "You better not go to gay pride with him, you shouldn't be going ANYWHERE with him. what a fucking tosser, I detest him!" he then suggested that he and his mate meet up with my friend which was basically a threat of violence since his mate is pretty homophobic and always up for a fight.

AIBU to think that although he's male, I should be able to go out and have fun with him as a friend like I would any other female friend??

No - homophobia is never acceptable - and I'm sure the op's DP isn't really homophobic - I would say he's more scared and angry so he's coming out with lazy comments.

Aaw, poor insecure DP.

Yes indeed....poor insecure soul.

Forgo your friendship with this chap OP....apparently it is better to keep the peace and let your DP have his way, than make your own decisions as an adult.

Ok fine - I'd like to see you lot ironing your husbands shirt so he can look nice for his new 'friend' - who just happens to be a tall, beautiful, 25 yr old former model who he just loves spending time with. But hey, he's entitled to be friends with whoever he likes right?

Right.

And I certainly wouldn't be ironing my husband's shirt for him either.

He's not homophobic, he's just lazy!

Well whatever. Dump him.

Yes my DH is allowed to be friends who whoever he wants. One of his best friends is an absolutely gorgeous woman. Some of my guy friends are pretty damn cute too.

Oh FFS is nobody allowed to put across a different opinion? Just fecking ridiculous.

Not when it's drivel, no.

I'd be furious with the DP, my friends are my business and no-one else has the right to tell me who I can and can't see.

My DP has plenty of female friends and sees them regularly on his own. There is one that I don't like but that's because I think she is a shit stirring bitch not because she is female. The rest are all lovely.

OP why are you invited and not your partner too?

Pot, kettle.

Yawn.

"Some of my guy friends are pretty damn cute too."

If was me I might get a crush on them.

What a lame comeback. it's nothing to do with 'pot and kettle'.
You're wrong.

Your partner sounds like a dick! I've got loads of gay mates and my bloke doesn't bat an eyelid, he knows they're mates, and I also have lots of straight male friends who I am 'allowed' to socialise with! He wouldn't dream of telling me who I can and can't see and visa versa.

Also, one of my partner's best friends is a lesbian and she's very beautiful. They've been friends since they were kids, I'm not remotely jealous because a) I trust him AND her, b) she doesn't like cock..

You need to have serious words with him. I wouldn't be able to go out with a homophobe or someone so controlling.

I think there's something very odd about someone who thinks a gay man is actually attracted to woman, is "faking" his gayness, is trying to sneak his way into woman's pants by pretending to be something he's not.

And he thought all of these things about someone that he'd never even met before.

I really don't know how any of you can defend this man, just look at the horrible (and quite frankly disgusting) things he's said. Trying to prevent your partner from going places where a friend of theirs is, making sure you can't go, trying to extract promises that you won't see them again...it's all pretty troubling. And the threat of physical violence is appalling. This is about homophobia and a a man who's riculously insecure because his partner meets up occasionally with a GAY male friend.

Animation they are pretty crush-worthy

DH's friend is honestly one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. I think I have more of a crush on her!

But by the logic of some on here, I guess we should only be hanging out with ugly boring people, so we don't bother our poor insecure partners...

Maybe her DH isn't invited along because he's a homophobic twunt who has made his dislike of this man absolutely obvious.

Vile vile vile, I couldn't be with someone so venomous toward anyone.

Not really, just can't be bothered trying with the post anymore. I gave my honest opinion, tried to see it from the other side, bearing in mind we only have one side of tbe story and that had been shouted down.

He has literally been dumped, divorced kicked into touch by you lot and the OP portrayed as the victim. But then that is the justice that us frequently doled out here without thinking outside the box occasionally and pettiness I have come to expect on my short time in MN.

I'll leave you to it and am going to enjoy a day out with my family. Good luck to the OP and her DP and I hope it all gets sorted out for the best WHATEVER the outcome

OP, do have a think about what a horrible-sounding man your partner seems to be. Homophobic - and to the point of threatening violence (you do know that is, rightly, illegal, don't you?) sexually possessive to the point of obsession and generally Not Much Fun.

Incidentally, I (a) never iron anything of my partner's - why on earth would I? (b) do not think any woman in the vicinity is 'competition' for my partner's affections. Especially not lesbians.

Are you allowed to see other male friends?

YANBU. Your DP sounds like a controlling, aggressive, homophobic twat.

YANBU OP

Your P's behaviour is exceptionally unpleasant. I have some very good male friends (not gay). At least one of them is definitely 'my' friend (although him and DH get on well). He spends time at our house (with just me and DS), we have been for days out, cinema trips and are off the theatre this week (DH chose to look after DS rather than us having to get a babysitter). If DH took the line that your's has I would be having serious words.