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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable in regards to 5 yr old dds sleep?

97 replies

Foxy800 · 10/07/2011 01:08

DD is being a nightmare with her sleep at the moment. Its been going on for weeks, several times out of bed almost every night. Any way we have been out off bed 6 times in the space of 10 minutes so far tonight so i have given her 3 warnings which she has ignored telling her if she is out of bed again she isnt going to a party tomorrow (calmly but firmly). Dp who was asleep through it all decided to wake up and tell me I wasnt being fair and its not fair on the birthday child and the one I am given a lift too (can still do this and just not leave dd there).

Am I being unfair? I have tried everything else including a sleep fairy. (Last night (friday) was the first time in weeks she didnt get up!!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxy800 · 10/07/2011 01:40

Sorry thanks to linerunner too. Its not you guys making me feel like a bad mum its me being hard on myself and dp with his judgments!!!

YOu guys are being great.x

OP posts:
SusanneLinder · 10/07/2011 01:43

I have an ASD 12 year old so feel your pain, she only went to bed 20 mins ago, despite prescribed Melatonin.

Have you tried the bath,milky drink,non-stimulation routine? A routine may help,like story etc.If so just take her back without comment.

Actually I would do a punishment for not going to bed,but would give a warning, or rather "if you go to bed like a good girl, you can go to the party tomorrow,if not.......... Maybe I am just a mean mummy. :)

My 12 year old was vile this week,so she was grounded.She got her grounding lifted after a week (heinous crime, so she deserved it) if she tidied (with instruction) and cleaned her room. She did, cos it is summer hols and she is desperate to be out,plus understand and is remorseful for her crimes, so she is out tomorrow.:)

Er,just realised that most of this post is about me and not the OP-sorry :).Was having a rant! :)

LineRunner · 10/07/2011 01:43

You're welcome.

It's got to be my bedtime soon. I hope you will be able to stick with it, and be consistent, and honestly it does get better.

You need to catch up on your sleep, though. I would think about ways you can have a couple of days to yourself and just languish in bed, at some point in the next few weeks.

Happy plotting!

Original poster
Foxy800 · 10/07/2011 01:53

Thanks linerunner, we are going on holiday in 2 weeks so hopefully that will help me. But still tempted to try to get a night away somewhere too!!!

And thanks SusanneLinder we are in the process of dd being assessed although not sure what everyone thinks it is. Going to bed isnt a problem and we do have a routine but thanks for suggestion. When I put her back after time 3 I gave warning, then after time 4 then told her after time 5 she wasnt going. But we have been up 3 times since then too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxy800 · 10/07/2011 01:54

Am off to bed now to try to sleep while all is quiet, will pop on tomorrow, thanks everyone. Will try your suggestion in the morning linerunner.

Night all.x

OP posts:
falasportugues · 10/07/2011 01:55

Hi Foxy, i really sympathise, my 5 yr old is up a lot with her eczema. it helps knowing what her problem is, i can be more understanding and patient with her. I recommend having a chat during the day time to find out why she gets up. if she is forthcoming, you can try and problem solve, if not, you can explain to her that she gets no sympathy, as it's inconsiderate to wake others up for no reason! good luck

Original poster
Foxy800 · 10/07/2011 01:57

Thanks. Have chatted about it before but will give it another go.

Night all.

OP posts:
falasportugues · 10/07/2011 01:58

sleep well!

HowlingBitch · 10/07/2011 01:58

Of course you are a good Mummy! Look at how patient (My Ipad will not let me type properly) You have been with her. Everyone has their breaking point and lack of sleep is horrible.

You have been wonderful! I personally think that you are doing the right thing for now. You are letting know that her behaviour at night is not right.

I suggest a star chart. I know this may seem mundane but keep it in her room.

A star for brushing her teeth
A star for tucking herself in
A star for helping with the bedtime story
and A star for staying in her bed.

(I know this sounds complicated but I also have sad faces. 5 sad faces mean that a star is taken away. This way her rewards are still acknowledged but her bad behaviour is punished.)

If you have already tried this then I give you permission to kick me!

Niecie · 10/07/2011 02:07

Both my two went through something similar at about the same age as your DD so I wonder if it is partly a developmental thing. In the end if they came into our bedroom at night, they got into our bed with DH and I went into theirs. Not every night but in the end I couldn't face being endlessly woken and since DH didn't wake up every time I reckoned he wasn't being disturbed so why should he bother who was sleeping next to him! At least everybody got some sleep. It took a good few months (sorry) but they eventually stopped. DS1 was harder to 'cure' than DS2 but he has AS and takes a while to settle anyway, even several years down the line (he is no bother just stays in his room reading and not sleeping). I am trying to remember but I think it was during that time that we got him some children's relaxation CDs which were supposed to lull him to sleep. They worked quite well. He still listens to them even now if he is taking too long to go to sleep and he is nearly 11. They might be worth a try.

Nellythecat · 10/07/2011 02:50

Hopefully by now she and you are both fast asleep. Anyway, when it happens how firm are you? If she is constantly out of bed, for no reason, then I think I would start to get quite 'cross' in my tone with her. I remember when my nephew and his parents came to stay when he was about 5. All evening for a good few days he was out of bed and downstairs, and thought it was funny and a bit of a game. One night, after already getting up a couple of times, he came down giggling, and my mum saw him from the kitchen before he could get into the living room where his parents were. She put on her strictest teacher voice, low authoritative tone etc, and simply said, "get back to bed right now!" He knew she meant business, turned tail and rushed back into bed. Problem solved. If I were you I'd be very firm with her.

GColdtimer · 10/07/2011 03:03

Agree that a star chart could work. Also, does she have any story CDs she could listen to if she wakes in the night? These or music really help my dd. I also think this is the age they get scared in the night. Dd told me the other day she is sometimes too scares to get out of bed in case there are witches under her bed. We now do a witch sweep before she goes to sleep.

mnistooaddictive · 10/07/2011 05:23

We also use a cd. My 2 have a choice of stories or music. The music is the standard lullaby stuff or stories they like. My 4 year old can do it all herself now bur it distracts them enough to keep them in bed long enough to go back to sleep!

Mare11bp · 10/07/2011 06:24

We had this with DS. Got in bed constantly, after a while so shattered I couldn't be bothered to keep taking him back to bed.

Then we bought the Babyzoo sleep trainer clock from Jojo Maman Bebe and it has been an absolute godsend - he now knows he can't come in until Momo the monkey wakes up at 7am!!

Give it a whirl, the reviews on this clock are really good.

GreenTeapot · 10/07/2011 07:07

Just to add that having been through this with my almost 4 year old, check for physical problems. We eventually discovered that his tonsils and adenoids were huge and were causing snoring and sleep apnoea. He had surgery 6 weeks ago and is much better. The poor lad simply couldn't sleep sometimes.

Original poster
Foxy800 · 10/07/2011 08:50

THanks for the replies. Sticker charts dont work which is why we introduced the sleep fairy.She also has a bunny clock which is one of the sleep trainer clocks so she knows that she cant come in our room till then.

We used to have the radio on with a nightlight but she still got up so we stopped putting the radio on. Still use the nightlight.

Am firm and show her Im cross but still we get out of bed!!!

Have done a deal with her so she can go to the party, like linerunner suggested she has promised to stay in bed all night ( but we will see!!).

Its been going on and off for the last 3 years since we moved but this time 100% worse than the others which she grew out of after a few weeks.!!!!

We are under a paed and are going to see an occupational therapist tomorrow. Maybe it is all connected, not that that helps with keeping her in bed. ( We are great at going to bed, and going to sleep but then we wake anywhere from 10pm onwards).

OP posts:
idontlikemondays · 10/07/2011 09:14

I don't have any advice but feel your pain. Nellythecat made me chuckle, when DS used to call me in the night I used to be 'cross' and short with him with the result that he now calls for daddy instead Wink

hugeleyoutnumbered · 10/07/2011 09:17

YABU

Original poster
Foxy800 · 10/07/2011 09:23

We are the same some nights idontlikemondays, with dd saying she wants dp when she comes in as I have got cross and although I want him to wake and help more I dont wake hime as I feel she is then getting her own way!!!

Thanks for the reply hugeleyoutnumbered but could you go into more details please. Maybe with some suggestions. I have already decided I am being unreasonable which is why I have had a shat with her saying Im sorry I go cross and if she promisess to stay in her bed tonight she can go to the party today.

OP posts:
HelloKlitty · 10/07/2011 09:25

Ha! I did that too hugely otherwise it's always us!

Foxy it's so hard....my youngest is 3 and she does it whilst my oldest never has and she's almost 7.

With the youngest we just let her get in our bed now because I simply can't function if we've been continually woken. Is that something you could live with?

DH didn't much like it at first but he accepted that untl they're 7 or 8, kids are very needy....some need to be close to you more than others.

I

CoteDAzur · 10/07/2011 09:25

YANBU. Stick her back in bed and get angrier every time she gets out of it and/or wakes you up in the night without a valid reason.

HelloKlitty · 10/07/2011 09:25

I pressed enter too soon! I wanted to say, I hope it gets better soon!

HelloKlitty · 10/07/2011 09:27

Jeeze Cote you're harsh! Grin I think there are definitley two schools of though here...those that think it's a punishable offence and those that think 5 is very young and still in need of a lot of reassurance at tmes.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 10/07/2011 09:35

Foxy, you may have thought of this already but - are you 100% sure she is awake? I used to sleepwalk when I was that age and would often get up multiple times in the night and go in to see my parents.

Apparently I had my eyes open and would talk to them if they asked me a question, but I was definitely sleepwalking. Never remembered a thing about it in the morning - in fact for years I thought they were making it up!

Just a thought, might be daft but thought I'd mention it!

amistillsexy · 10/07/2011 09:36

By the way, Foxy, I think you should tell your DP to take his turn in putting DD back to bed.
Either one of you, then the other throughout the evening, or one does one night, then the other does the next.
It will only lead to resentment if he carries on sleeping through while you're dealing with this (particularly if he also criticises!).