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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my screaming baby off someone

27 replies

bambinoblue3 · 09/07/2011 20:49

We were just at a family party with my 5week old baby who gets very cranky at this time of night and was being held by distant family member. He started to cry but I just left him till he got hysterical and I took him off the family member.

AIBU to expect someone to give baby back to the parent if they are that upset and they can't calm him down.

OP posts:
EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 09/07/2011 20:53

I'd expect the parent to take the baby back sooner. The relative wouldn't necessarily get that it was the start of a full on wailing session, but te parent would know that it wasn't just grizzling.

Wheeelybug · 09/07/2011 20:54

YABU to not have take him back straightway :)

chunkyjojo · 09/07/2011 20:54

I dont understand, was the person refusing to givbe the baby back?

Sirzy · 09/07/2011 20:54

I would have took him back straight away

Besom · 09/07/2011 20:55

Not too sure what the issue is here. Were they refusing to give baby back to you?

squeakytoy · 09/07/2011 20:55

Sorry but unless you offered to take him when you could see he was getting upset, then you are being unreasonable.

At 5 weeks the baby doesnt know if it is a distant relative or their granny, and probably only know you.

DogsBestFriend · 09/07/2011 20:55

A tip from a mother of 2 who are now waaaay past the baby stage:

Don't become too exacting. It's early days yet.

And there are times when you'll want someone to take your screaming baby away from you, not give him back to you.

Trust me. Wink

hellospoon · 09/07/2011 20:56

if i was holding a baby that was getting teary i would try to soothe him/her unless the parent took the baby off me straight away. YABU to expect people to read your mind

Original poster
bambinoblue3 · 09/07/2011 20:57

Yes they were expecting me to just give them his dummy and I had to say twice then in the end I just took him off her.

OP posts:
activate · 09/07/2011 20:58

oh bless

remember this feeling of outrage when your child is older and you can't wait for said relative to swoop in and take him/her away so you can neck wine and talk in peace Grin

razzlebathbone · 09/07/2011 21:01

YABU It sounds like they were just trying to help.

2rebecca · 09/07/2011 21:01

When my oldest was 6 weeks old he had "colic" and cried for hours every night regardless of who held him. If a relative was happy to have him yell in their ear for a while and give his dad and I a break we were delighted.
Different if the sprog needs feeding or you know he'll quieten if put to bed but 6-12 weeks were a nightmare for our eldest. Thankfully he's been great since then.

Original poster
bambinoblue3 · 09/07/2011 21:02

I'm not a first time mum. He is my third but my DP family seem to think I'm not able to look after him and constantly roll eyes, give advice that I don't need etc an I usually just smile politely but I think its wrong to refuse to give me my child who is clearly upset and they can't calm him. I'm not a first time mum. He is my third but my DP family seem to think I'm not able to look after him and constantly roll eyes, give advice that I don't need etc an I usually just smile politely but I think its wrong to refuse to give me my child who is clearly upset and they can't calm him.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 09/07/2011 21:04

Don't think you were being especially unreasonable, especially if you made your expectation clear.

Quite surprised at the relative actually - I can't get rid of other people's screaming babies quickly enough! First whimper and it's straight back to mummy! Grin

Wheeelybug · 09/07/2011 21:04

Then of course YANBU.

Besom · 09/07/2011 21:04

It's so stressful when they're crying at that age - I remeber that primal impulse to want to soothe them. And yes, the outrage when some well meaning soul is musling in and getting in between you and the baby.

Original poster
bambinoblue3 · 09/07/2011 21:05

Yes I understand what everyone is saying but if I was holding a baby and the parent asked for it back I'd give it to them and don't understand why anyone would refuse.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 09/07/2011 21:06

no yanbu

if you're holding someone's baby, esp a tiny one, and it starts getting upset then you give it back to its mum. end of

mum shouldn't have to go and ask for baby back, or have to take baby away...

squeakytoy · 09/07/2011 21:07

Perhaps they thought you were just asking for him back out of politeness because most people dont like holding crying babies.. and they didnt mind the crying (at first).

PetronusOfSteel · 09/07/2011 21:10

Sounds like there's a bit of a backstory here with the family, YANBU anyway.

razzlebathbone · 09/07/2011 21:12

Ok yes I agree if you asking for the baby back then YANBU. That really annoys me too, even if people are trying to be helpful.

Original poster
bambinoblue3 · 09/07/2011 21:20

Thank you for understanding what I meant in the end :) hard to get it all out at first.

I'm just gettin a bit tired of being the bad guy with the family and just want to scream 'he's our baby we know what's best for him not you' but I will carry on with the sweet smiles :o

OP posts:
Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 09/07/2011 21:28

I was going to say what Squeaky said. I think it was just a misguided way of trying to help. They probably thought you were doing it to be polite as the baby had started crying and they thought you deserved the chance to relax and enjoy the party for a while so thought they would have a go at settling them for you.

MilkMonitor · 09/07/2011 23:20

The number of times my firstborn screamed and the person holding him said, "Oh no he's fine," and moved away from me when I tried to take him back.. .. ..I was staggered.

With my other dcs, I've simply said, "No, he's not," and, feeling more assertive by that stage, was able to take them off the person who is trying to stop me from comforting my child.

Kind of primal instinct to want to comfort your own baby and very weird to try and stop the mother from trying to do that imo.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 09/07/2011 23:22

If you asked for him back of course YANBU. Refusing to hand a baby back when a parent asks you to is bizarre.