to be angry with oh and mil

[Neeliethere]

I have for the third year running found out by accident that she has given him a large sum of money and they have agreed that I was not to know. It is for his use only. He cannot afford his golf club fees and so she pays it for him.

Last year we were offered a place in a fab school for our daughter which costs about £2,000 a term. We asked if she could help us out with the fees because we weren't sure if we could manage and she refused saying she didn't agree with us sending our daughter to a private school, (it isn't its a grant maintained at a third of the cost) and if state school was good enough for her son it was good enough for our daughter (we tried to explain it was state school but just a bit different but she was having none of it). Anyway through childcare vouchers and me getting more hours at work, and doing more hours in my own business we have managed with a struggle. Meanwhile she spends time bragging to her neighbours about the wonderful school her daughter is going to and showing off the photos of her in her special parade uniform.

Well just after refusing this assistance she paid for his golf club fees saying he deserved it as he got nothing for himself. He didn't tell me about it I found out by stealth.

This year our house has a major expensive problem and we can't get it fixed. This time again, she has given him a lump sum to pay for the golf, which he has kept secret. I am livid. I have told him I am out and have told him its the last straw.

We have a long history of lying about time off work, money spent, money earnt, time spent on the golf course, etc etc. Claiming to be at work when he is a football matches or playing golf. If and when I ever discover one of these lies and confront him he calls me a control freak.

She lies a lot too, exaggerating everything about her life including the miriad of ailments. I have told him to tell his mother she will never enjoy my hospitality again (she gave this money to him on the way home from a four day visit where I waited on her never once making even a cup of tea).

Am I right to be so blummin angry? I am shaking just typing this three days after the discovery.

'He says this "she's my mother, its her money, its nothing to do with you". Your just jealous because you haven't got a parent giving you any money". etc etc.'

The only person on this thread who sounds 5 years old is your OH. You know what you need to do. Stick to your guns this time and good luck.

He refers to you as a 'leech?'

My ex lied like this - constant lying about where he was, how much money he earned - everything really. I honestly don't think they can change.

Good luck with starting again - it's not as hard as you think.

Neelie - I think that was a strong and decisive post....good for you.
You are absolutely right of course.

I think you need to be wary of leaving the family home for your dd's sake as well as yours.He should go back to his mum.Can't you just change the locks while he is at work and dump his stuff on his mum's doorstep?
You also need to consider what will happen to dd's schooling if you go.How old is she?Your husband sounds awful both weak and a potential bully.

And yes....HE should go.

If he is the sole wage earner currently then he's highly unlikely to go and the OP couldn't pay the mortgage on her own if he did go. I often think people are very naive when they talk of people kicking spouses out, changing locks etc. The law will only back you up in this if the spouse has been violent.
Not liking your husband and him being nasty is not sufficient reason to make him homeless.
It does sound as though this relationship has reached the end of the line. Selling the house, untangling assets etc will take years however.
He's highly unlikely to just leave and continue paying the mortgage.

Neelie good luck. Your last post proves what a strong and determined woman you can be. you have just been a bit battered (mentally) with some of the dreadful things your OH has said about you and to you.Honesty is the cornerstone of all relationships - start a plan now so that you can go and not be left in the brown stuff financially. take photo copies of his bank statements which i know sounds really underhand but you will be thankful you did when it comes to sharing things out, maintenance etc. good luck

Good luck Neelie. He sounds appalling.
Get friends and family to rally round and get some good legal advice and get him out of the house.

The point he seems to be missing is that his mother gives him the money because he is her child and she loves him. By that logic, he should use the money for your DD. But because he can only think of himself, your DD misses out. He is a selfish git and you are doing the right thing. Good luck.

He sounds like a complete mummys boy who put himself before his daughter and DP. He spent the money on golf whilst you were busting your ass to get the best for your daughter?! I'd take the pictures of your DD in her uniform out of MIL's posession and give her one with DD covered in dirt and ripped uniform - she won't be so quick to brag then, old bag. YANBU, I'd be absolutely furious too. IMO once you have children and move in together money should be shared to pay for all shared expenses, he's just selfish and why lie?! he must know you'd find out eventually.

Good luck Neelie.