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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think some parents just love to find fault in schools?

93 replies

CheeryCherry · 08/07/2011 16:43

My first AIBU ...but I am just so fed up with parents forever finding fault with the schools/Heads/teachers/lessons. It gets rediculous when a family write to complain to the Head that they take their PFB (year 2) to a local castle so why should their PFB go on a school trip there? They kept him off school! [hshock] What's that all about?!

OP posts:

cricketballs · 09/07/2011 16:08

PonceyMcPonce they know your child better than you do sometimes we do! my own DS has behaved at school in a manner which I really didn't believe was possible (if he hadn't admitted it to me then I wouldn't have believed it!)

Too often i have had to speak to a parent about behaviour/concerns over a child's learning and the parent in complete denial that this is their child

IslaValargeone · 09/07/2011 16:14

I forgot about the tiny chair at parents evening and I agree with the comment earlier regarding the way children are sometimes treated by teachers, no respect whatsoever. It drives me potty when I see a teacher speak to a child in a way that if it were an adult would earn them a slap in the chops to be frank. There are some great teachers out there but Dear God, I have been appalled at some exchanges I have witnessed.

LineRunner · 09/07/2011 16:32

I have found my DD's school very poor at picking up on complaints that could be dealt with very early on. Everything ends up escalating in a stupid, totally preventable way.

Who needs the stress?

TheFlyingOnion · 09/07/2011 16:59

Isla, as a teacher I respect my children, and expect them to respect me.

But I certainly speak to them in a way I wouldn't with another adult - because they are children, and I am In Charge...

Original poster

CheeryCherry · 09/07/2011 17:18

Goblinchild you seem to have all your plans backed up, good on you. cricketballs yes there seem to be plenty of parents in denial over their precious offspring's behaviour in school, but willing to kick up a fuss at the drop of a hat.
I am less irritable than yesterday, though I keep thinking about the major furore that has been caused by the school trip 'We have taken our child there before so why should he go there again with school?' They have apparently taken it above the Head to the governers as they were not happy with her response!!! Honestly. Some people need a huge dose of perspective!

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IslaValargeone · 09/07/2011 17:22

Oh Flying onion you know full well that's not what I meant.

LineRunner · 09/07/2011 17:26

OP And the thought that you can just have one trip to castle and it's 'done' is risible. These are complex ancient monuments with richly-layered historical contexts

and some people spend their whole lives studying them.

I've been to plenty of historic monuments in my time that I would love to return to.

I remember going to HMS Victory with my family when I was little. I would love to go back now, and actually (re)learn something about it!

LineRunner · 09/07/2011 17:28

My daughter (15) says that a teacher 'swore' at her yesterday ('Where the hell have you been?) but I don't blame the teacher. Good on her, I say.

Starchart · 09/07/2011 17:32

'My SIL is a teacher and she calls it the 'bored housewife syndrome' - apparently the worst offenders are women who pre- children held down good jobs and seem to think they know more than the head teacher.'

So, playing devils advocate for a sec, what happens when a woman DOES know more than the head teacher. Is that EVER acknowledged, responded to, or even listened to?

Original poster

CheeryCherry · 09/07/2011 17:42

I don't believe that Headteachers or any teacher can be put on a pedestal as being 'perfect', and I am sure most would agree- but some parents seem to assume that they are always 'right' and that they 'always' know best. I think that if in general, the pupils are learning, happy, positive, challenged, supported, respectful and respected, then the school is doing a good job. No school is perfect, why can't some parents just leave them to it! (rant over!)

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TheFlyingOnion · 09/07/2011 17:44

ooh I would feel bad if I said "hell" in front of the kids!!

I nearly said "pissing about" last week but managed to stop myself

changeforthebetter · 09/07/2011 17:44

I tend to assume that parents project their feelings about their own schooling on to the school quite a lot of the time. My own schooling was rather mediocre but I know quite a lot of teachers now and I think they work very hard. DD's teacher has inspired a real love of learning in her this year and I never envy her a classful of over-excited (farting!) six year olds of a morning. The school have done a couple of things which pissed me off, but in the main, I think they do a great job. Some of the parents at the gates are just bored and a bit dull really. I was invited on a night out once (so they could suss me out and decide I wasn't their type ) and they talked about school all night . It was 99% negative.

LineRunner · 09/07/2011 17:47

CheeryCherry What do think about so many Heads and teachers getting the bullet when (some) schools become academies?

It bothers me.

If they were no good in the first place, why were they there? If they are perfectly competent, why are they being got rid of?

Oooh I could rant for hours on academies.

TheFlyingOnion · 09/07/2011 17:47

people just like to whinge, change

thats why I ignore it 99% of the time. Or rather... look as if I'm agreeing, and carry on...

Original poster

CheeryCherry · 09/07/2011 18:03

people just like to whinge absolutely! I need to close my ears to it all, then it won't bother me!
Academies?? Mmmm, I think its a slippery slope. A few of our local schools have already gone that way, I think 'watch this space' - I really haven't heard enough positive reasons for converting yet...I think the lack of debate says it all.
That has made me think though - there will be even more moaning and whinging!!! (heads for the hills!) [hgrin]

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cory · 09/07/2011 18:04

Agree with you, Cheery, when pupils are all the things you list- and in particular, when your own dcs is all those things.

But have a very bad conscience myself because of the things dd had to put up with- and is still having counselling for several years later- because I was too afraid of rocking the boat, of being a moany parent, of being the only one to kick up a fuss. I had no idea of her legal rights, I had no idea of the damage that would be done and I was so frightened of sticking out from the other parents who weren't complaining. And it never occurred to me that the headteacher might not know and might not care whether what he told us was actually legal.

The ones I feel sorry for are the secondary school who have had to pick up the pieces (self-harming, school refusing, terrified of asking teachers for help to the extent where she would rather deliberately injure herself than go to school if she thinks she might need help).

No doubt the majority of pupils at her previous school were learning, happy, positive etc. But about dd's needs I knew best and it was my duty to stand up for her (not that a school that wouldn't listen to the consultant paediatrician would have been more likely to listen to a parent). I let her down.

Original poster

CheeryCherry · 09/07/2011 18:15

cory that is really sad, and I hope you will be able to forgive yourself some day. Hope the counselling works for your DD. But I would never disagree with complaints such as yours, if there are major issues, they need addressing. Hope things work out for you all.

OP posts:

Goldberry · 09/07/2011 18:35

'So, playing devils advocate for a sec, what happens when a woman DOES know more than the head teacher. Is that EVER acknowledged, responded to, or even listened to?'

Does know more about what exactly though? Unless said woman has been a Head Teacher herself, she's unlikely to know more about being one. And she certainly won't know more about the ins and outs of what goes on in that particular school than the Head does.

bubaluchy · 09/07/2011 18:40

I think if parents don't like it they should home school

LineRunner · 09/07/2011 18:40

But some mothers ARE going to be professionals in education, aren't they? I mean, Head Teachers and Ofsted Inspectors and Portfolio Holders for Education all have to sent their children to school somewhere.

Not that this has anything to do with visits to a castle.

Starchart · 09/07/2011 18:51

Some parents know more about their children's needs i.e. Cory, than the Headteacher, possibly any teacher.

My experience is that when teachers don't know what they are doing, they'd rather pretend they do than take on board suggestions from a parent.

My ds has made NO progress this year and he could have made excellent progress. He has a very high IQ. His teacher, generally, was an excellent teacher, in an excellent and well-resourced school. There was a minor adjustment that they needed to make so that ds could go from no progress to lots of progress, but they refused to make it insisiting that the no progress was down to my ds' incapability. They also reported the no progress as 'good progress' because of their incredibly low expectations of him.

My 'advice' had it been listened to was based on an enormous wealth of research, support and professional advice, not to mention my own mother and father who were both primary school teachers.

This school were rated outstanding by OFSTED with 40% of children with SEN and yet they couldn't grasp the basic principles of a SMART target and felt oblidged to 'train' me very badly when in my work my specialism was SMART targets, in particular wrt the ECM agenda and outcomes for children.

cory · 09/07/2011 20:54

bubaluchy Sat 09-Jul-11 18:40:04
"I think if parents don't like it they should home school"

And live on what precisely? The tax payers?

The way I now draw the line is:

I will not say anything if a teacher is only deficient in subject knowledge (dd has had one French teacher with a very poor accent who clearly struggled with the grammar, also one history teacher with very poor grasp of the period studied- and for the record, I am a professional medievalist). In such a case I will warn dcs to be polite but always to double check what that particular teacher says.

But I will contact the school if there is a problem that significantly affects my dcs wellbeing and if I get no joy there I will then take it further.

simonedeboudoir · 09/07/2011 21:13

YANBU op I've been thinking the same thing myself a lot this year (DD1 coming to the end of reception)

Our school gate mafia is something to behold

Agree it's about knowing where to draw the line

PonceyMcPonce · 09/07/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

CheeryCherry · 09/07/2011 21:30

Poncey.... true, of course, but parents also need to leave the trivia out of it, keep perspective.

OP posts:

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