to think some parents just love to find fault in schools?

[CheeryCherry]

My first AIBU ...but I am just so fed up with parents forever finding fault with the schools/Heads/teachers/lessons. It gets rediculous when a family write to complain to the Head that they take their PFB (year 2) to a local castle so why should their PFB go on a school trip there? They kept him off school! [hshock] What's that all about?!

NobbedaBuilder, I totally disagree. My DS goes to a school where all staff are called by their first name, and the staff refuse to shout. My DS loves it there and has a huge respect for most of the staff. (the exception being the one who shouts at them, wears a full suit at all times, and obviously hates being called by his first name)

My husband teaches A levels at a college where the students refer to him by his first name, however he says they find it odd. However, I think it is right that school children dont refer to their teachers by their first names. As an adult I dont refer to my doctor/dentist/bank manager and other people I encounter during the day by their first name so why expect teachers to have to?

I think college is fine but wouldn't like to try and exert control over a group of 30 stroppy early teens all calling me by my first name.
Lynette does your ds call YOU by your first name? The refusing to shout bit I agree with but the fact that teachers have the power to discipline at all means they're not equal to the pupils but in a position of authority.

I expect my DC to respect their teachers. I tell them that teachers automatically get a certain level of respect as they are teachers and they are in charge and are adults eg they will be polite to them etc. However the next level of respect must be earned. I hate to hear parents badmouthing their DCs teachers in front of them even if they are making a valid point.

strange but the ring leaders at my child school are parents who are pt teachers of ex teachers. They often start by small conversations get other parents concerned then step back when it all hits the fan.

hmmm have been shouted at because one parents child is always last out because he couldn't get himself organised. ks1 leader suggested that he get sent early to the cloakroom with a girl a year younger than him to organise him...

have had a complaint because a name was not spelled correctly when using a cursive k instead of a k [hconfused]

My DS' teacher spelt his name wrong on his school report on the sentence about him not always concentrating in Literacy. I just laughed. She is a BRILLIANT teacher in everyway but she's human. Not really worth complaining about IMO. Not compared to the complaint I had to make when DS was refused his allergy meds by secretary when he asked for them and eneded up at DR's that evening. I did complain but also suggest positive ways to deal with it in the future - eg ring me if your not sure.

I'm a parent governor, I've volunteered in DDs' primary too so that I could see first hand what things were like. I do find that there are a small but significant number of parents who treat the teachers appallingly, or complain about the school non-stop but will not lift a finger to do anything to help.

But I also find that there are a significant number of teachers who consider any comment from a parent, even saying things like oh I think my DD didn't get a handout letter yesterday do you happen to have a spare one (for example) is a personal affront, an example of how awful their job is, how they suffer at the hands of parents etc etc. Put the two groups together, you have a resentful suspicious cohort on both sides who drag a school down.

AbigailS Fri 08-Jul-11 16:49:00
"That's because teaching is a doddle and anyone can do it, so of course the parents all know better than the teachers"

I am far too nice to ever point this out to any of dcs' teachers but there is actually nothing in being a parent that means you cannot also have higher qualifications in their particular subject than your child's teachers. There isn't even anything that says you cannot yourself be a teacher. But I smile and grit my teeth when needed.

I've never has an issue with the teaching at our school, but honestly, if the HT organised a party there'd be a lot of thirsty people standing around on the wrong night in a brewing establishment that had stopped brewing. He is also a great one for "I am caeser, I have spoken" when explaining upfront what the school is doing and why which would save time wasted in concilliation afterwards.

Most of us grin and bear it because it is a good school in general, you just learn to expect the unexpected.

had an issue dag nab it. I do have an issue with my school and their inability to teach me to type.

I would not mind if children called me by my first name actually, I don't think it would make any difference to levels of respect.

I have not worked in a school where people shouted, it simply is not tolerated in a good school.

I think the point the OP was making was that many parents do complain violently about minor issues, rather than the separate, but entirely correct point that schools sometimes get things wrong. Negative parents waste a good deal of time and emotional energy for teachers that could be better spent elsewhere.

I have never (yet) complained to my child's school (on the whole, I am very happy with the service provided). But, er, why the hell shouldn't I, if I feel it is warranted? I am a customer of the school and it plays a key role in my child's life... so I don't think it is unreasonable to be able to ask challenging questions if I don't understand or agree with a decision.

And yes, Janey's SIL might catagorise me as a 'bored housewife'. Gender stereotypes don't invalidate my point of view, however.

Agreed there are niggly parents, one that just went on and on and on at the class teachers because her kid hadn't had the "Star Pupil" sticker yet. Amazingly the following month the kid got it.

I am also sure that some of the niggly parents become niggly out of sheer frustration, trying to get a straight answer on some issues for example can feel endless, a lot of the parents don't know how to be assertive rather than aggressive.

we are talking about parents who DON'T have legitimate grounds for complaint (like the OP's trip story, or the people who complained to me that we did PE at the wrong time, or venting their fury on me because X lost his jumper again) etc etc).

Of course if you need to complain then you should do so and this thread does not apply to you.

Fair enough, Humphrey, but surely there is a sliding scale of 'legitimate grounds for complaint', with obviously trivial things at one end and the most serious concerns at the other. In the middle are other concerns which some teachers might think aren't important, but which are important to me. A couple of times, I've thought about approaching the teacher, but she has an air of 'I'm too busy to talk to a housewife about her PFB' that is very off-putting. She comes over very patronising at parents' evenings, too.

That sounds most annoying, I wouldn't like that either NeedaCostume.

I don't actually think the star pupil thing is trivial, if I had missed out a child consistently I would be horrified and do something about it. I would prefer the parent to point it out in a civil manner though, rather than talking to me as if I were shit on their shoe.

To my mind the most successful teachers are the ones who remember what it is like to be a child. They know that their charges' ability to learn is affected by brooding over what might be a "trivial" thing, e.g., they didn't get a star of the week sticker. Just as a parent its your job to help children "not to mind" small slights etc., its the teachers' job to recognise that her remit is much wider than literacy and numeracy. And of course sometimes even these star teachers get huffy over being asked where a jumper is for the 100th time, but they don't dismiss every single question as being a complaint, they know how it feels to be small, whether that be in height or status, and don't make kids or parents feel that way.

BTW OP, I think this is a very good AIBU, its a good subject to debate. And no one has thrown anything hard at you yet. [hwink]

It's a good AIBU, and there are a lot of petty complaints out there as well as some serious ones.
Petty complains, I try to be polite, fair and helpful so that either the problem is fixed or the parent comes to realise how embarrassingly trivial their fussing is, often the other parents' raised eyebrows and sniggers in the playground are useful indicators as to whether you are being a little OTT as a parent.
The other thing I never do, and spend time thinking about, is giving anyone free ammo to shoot me with. So my appearance, spellings, language, FB statuses etc are all thought about.
It's why I keep paper trails, lists and tick records of everything from stickers to reading levels. So if anyone comes gunning for me, I can disarm them.