to want MN to just tell me whether we should have a third child or not...

[cherryburton]

...because I've been mulling it backwards and forwards for over a year and we can't make up our minds about it.

We have two boys who are nearly 3 and nearly 5.
I'm nearly 35 and DH is nearly 39.
We are skint and live in rented accommodation after selling our house two years ago and making a big move to somewhere we wanted to be. DH had to take a huge drop in salary so that we could move away from where we were but it looks like a better job is on the horizon.

I've been a SAHM (on and off) since DS1 was born nearly five years ago, but I went back to work full time a few months back and am really enjoying not being a SAHM anymore. We're not really very much financially better off for me working as childcare eats up most of my money but I'm happier. It is only maternity cover though, and I may be unemployed again come January.

Common sense would say not to have any more - DS2 will start school next year and that's when I could start making money and keeping some of it, which would help us to buy a house. DS2 was a nightmare in terms of sleep for the first year and I had PND due to not getting longer than an hour uninterrupted for 11 months. (I exaggerate not.) The thought of going back to that scares me. And now the boys are a bit older life seems a bit easier.

But the thought of accepting that's that and we're done makes me feel sad and almost anxious. I've always subscribed to the "it's better to regret something you've done than something you haven't" school of thought, but I'm not sure that should apply to the creation of people when it will set us back financially by about four years. We're both thinking we're knocking on a bit in terms of wanting to start again and it feels a bit now or never - isn't it at 35 that it starts to get more difficult to conceive?

Sorry, it's a bit of a lengthy self indulgent ponder, but I literally spend every day obsessing about it and feeling under pressure to just decide one way or the other so we can just decide and get on with life.

How do you know when you're done? Should hormones take precedence over logic and common sense?

No prizes for guessing where I stand on this with my username! I desperately want another; DS is nearly 8 and DD 3.5. But DH isn't keen. We could afford it, although not with loads of spare cash or anything, but I have just accepted a new job (kind of my ultimate career goal) which will be full time, so cannot even consider getting pregnant for at least another year or so until I'm properly established in the new job. I am 38. DH is 45.

I feel I will always regret not having another, but my coldly logical head tells me it isn't sensible. We want to move to a bigger house in a nicer location, we want to send our children to independent schools from the age of 9 or so, and all of that would be much harder with another baby, another lot of maternity leave, reducing my income again because I would want to be part-time again for a while with another small child...

I'm hoping that one day I'll wake up and find I'm over it, and can happily accept never having another, but in the meantime, fortunate as I know I am to have 2 such wonderful children and a pretty happy life, I feel something very important is missing. I just don't want to always be feeling that way.

Maryz - go on, tell me good points!

I've managed to come full circle and back to dithering: on Saturday, we were all "cool, lets do it", and then after some trying behaviour from DS2 all weekend we're back to "really? More of these?"

I drive myself mad.

Really appreciating all the posts - got DH to read the whole thread and we're having a lot of discussion about it...