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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what you do as a parent if you object to the whole school prom thing?

47 replies

DuelingFanjo · 08/07/2011 12:36

Particularly for people with daughters? I have only a son but my facebook seems to be flooded with pictures of friend's kids (daughters) in their prom gear. These kids are really young (10 maybe?) but dressed up, made up and coiffed.

IF I have a daughter in the future I will feel really negative about putting her through this, even if she wants to do it. What do you do? Do some mums and dads send their daughters in less fancy attire or do you keep your daughters out of school that day/evening? Or just get on with it and accept that this is how it is.

Maybe should have put this in the feminism section?

OP posts:

HelloKlitty · 08/07/2011 12:40

I think that unless you want to make an enemy of your DD then most parents should just put up and shut up...it's only a party and there a loads of suitable dresses available.

I have 2 DDs and I do have to be careful with them...trying to instill confidence and not allowiing them to assume anything about either sex...but I would be happy for them to go to a prom if they wanted to.

I did see a friend of mine's DD on FB in a tight white dress which is awful at this age....looks so weird. But each to their own.Mine certainly wont bein anything like that!

BeauBelles · 08/07/2011 12:42

dd and friends decided not to go to theirs. Thank the lordy lordy.

IMO it is awful. Americanised trash.

Just have a bloody normal party if you want to do anything. All this prom dress, stretch limo crap. Load of nonsense that costs the earth.

upahill · 08/07/2011 12:43

Tbh prom time it is the only time I've wished I've had a daughter!!

BeauBelles · 08/07/2011 12:45

And what about the primary school prom shite. Maybe this is another thread?

Pootles2010 · 08/07/2011 12:45

I think I'd go along with it from dd's pov, but tell the school how thoroughly disgusted I was.

allhailtheaubergine · 08/07/2011 12:51

You do what my parents did 15 years ago - you smile benignly and help with arrangements.

I had a wonderful prom. I had no idea that my parents were not as thrilled about it as I was. I love them for that.

One evening of unflattering hairdos and impractical frocks aged 15 has not impeded my feminist outlook as an adult. In fact, not being allowed to join in the fluff and frippery for reasons of feminism would have put my back up and introduced feminism as a negative thing.

milkybarkidsgirlfriend · 08/07/2011 12:51

re primary school promas .....is this organised by the school or by the PTA? thankfully our primary school and my sons school (Y5) dont do things like this.

i think for comp age its lovely.

Andrewofgg · 08/07/2011 13:21

Just say no.

AuntiePickleBottom · 08/07/2011 13:27

i really hope my daughter wants to go to the prom, but it will be her choice

TrillianAuror · 08/07/2011 13:37

I agree with HelloKlitty. Just get on with it, in the last painful way possible. Party dress yes, make up no.

DrunkenDaisy · 08/07/2011 13:41

I suppose it's a bit better than taking LSD in the park

LittleMissFlustered · 08/07/2011 13:45

I have a daughter, and if she wants to go to a prom she can make arrangements to be adopted by some other sucker as I certainly will not be funding it, either at year six or year eleven.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2011 13:45

I think the trend now seems to be for elaborate proms in Year 6 (dd's year had a pink limo) and by the time they are 16 the proms are far less fussy.

Nobody in Year 11 of DD's school are having limos, helicopters or whatever. Most of the kids think it is an exorbitant waste of money getting all dolled up and just dress smarlty, and have a laid back event where they can let off steam after the exams.

Don't particularly welcome the advent of primary school proms either, tbh, but it is nice. I cried like an idiot when they all let balloons off at the end of the evening at dd's primary prom.

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/07/2011 13:46

I think it is one of those things that, as a parent, you dread, but the actual thing is very nice.

islawhiter · 08/07/2011 13:52

What alarms me is the growing trend for girls to look like Katy Price wannabes at sixteen and also the fact that there are now prizes given at proms for best dressed, prom queen, most popular girl...... ( a prom is one thing but it seems they are like beauty contests now)

MorticiaAddams · 08/07/2011 14:04

Luckily our school doesn't have that sort of prom but the year 6's do have a party and dress up a bit (just normal smart party wear).

I do like the idea of the end of comp prom and can't wait to go shopping with dd for a dress. I think the girls look so lovely in their dresses and the limo looks a blast.

BeauBelles · 08/07/2011 14:20

you are kidding @ prizes for best dressed, prom queen and most popular girl!!
wtf

islawhiter · 08/07/2011 14:27

Exactly! I wouldnt of liked that when i was sixteen i cant think my daughter would like that either when shes sixteen, in my local paper it shows girls who go prom queen title (nice!)

upahill · 08/07/2011 14:34

I would have loved a prom when I was a teenager.
My mum used to buy me a new outfit nearly every Friday when she got paid and we would go to the trendy 'boutique' as they were known.

If it was something like a prom she would have really pushed the boat out for me and my dad would have made such a fuss to get everything good for me!

There are a couple of High Schools near my house and I love watching all the teenagers being dressed up and looking glam.

I work with teenagers and they bring their photos in and we listen to what went on.

I think it is very exciting.

(sure I know everyone doesn't think the same as me!!)

ZXEightyMum · 08/07/2011 14:35

My DD has a Year Six prom coming up and has spent most of her birthday money on a dress. I have bought shoes which will never be worn again and tights and something for her hair.

Just as well she was born in June. I can't bloody fund the silliness given the price of Secondary school uniform for September.

I moaned about it to her friend's Mum saying it was daft not to just have a disco but apparently this woman was instrumental via the Parent Governors in encouraging the limos and £100 dresses, nails done, professional hair and tiaras. This is a state school in a seriously socially and economically deprived area.

I can't afford all that not being on Income Support with a generous child support payment coming in regularly but families like mine are very much in the minority.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 08/07/2011 14:37

Do they have them at the end of year 6? if they do.. My oldest DD had her school ball at the end of Year 11 last summer and DD2 has just had hers (Year 11) - but they called it a Ball and not a Prom (thank fuck) and actually they had a wonderful evening. The girls all looked stunning and the boys fantastically turned out in Black Tie. No limos and all that crap though, personally I think that's a ridiculous waste of money. And certainly no 'Prom Queen' etc either. I think my DDs and their friends would have run a mile if that was the case.

I think it's lovely at the end of their GCSEs to have something to look forward to, having (mostly) worked very hard for a couple of years. DD1's year group will be having a piss up party at the end of Year 13 next summer as well, before they all head off to University/College/work/travelling etc, and why not?

We had school balls I think at the end of Year 11, with the boys boarding school down the road from ours and it was a brilliant evening.

VelveteenRabbit · 08/07/2011 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meditrina · 08/07/2011 14:54

Our school has a leavers' disco - dressy, but not impossibly so.

I'm not a fan of the US trappings, but then again I don't do conspicuous consumption generally. Also, I have fond memories of old-style school discos - in a semi-darkened gym, at lunchtime, in uniform, 10p entry fee to charity. Oh, those were the days!

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 08/07/2011 15:00

The high school prom is a growing industry designed to relieve parents of their hard earned pennies. They tend to be held in hired posh country hotels rather than at the school making it very expensive to travel to.

islawhiter · 08/07/2011 19:11

Yea totally agree and why cant they do leavers discos at the school? is it because kids get all argy bargy now, get tanked up and wanna fight the teachers they never liked? Just answered my own question,haha, anyway proms somehow remind me of 'Carrie' or 'Mean girls'

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