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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mother in law should not be interrupted by 'long lost friend' when waving goodbye to her son going back to Oz

14 replies

madmn52 · 05/07/2011 13:37

I am just so bloody angry and pissed off at the moment with peoples breathtaking lack of space awareness and intrusiveness. Had a couple of incidents recently on holiday that have I grant you already reduced my tolerance of this sort of behaviour - but I think this takes the biscuit.

My lovely m-i-l was standing outside her home today with myself and other assorted inlaws etc. waving off her son and d-i-l after a three week stay. She had not seen them prior to this visit for ten years. We were all stood hugging and most of us red eyed and/or crying - so obviously not an everyday 'bye - see you tomorrow'. Amyway along comes this battleaxe middle aged woman who stops in the middle of us all on the pavement and persistently tries to get m-i-ls attention. She finally does , stands in front of her thus obscuring possibly the last sighting of her son on this earth - he eventually drove away - and starts to chat away to her about when they worked together etc etc. I mean wtf ???
Well - am I then or not - and if \i see her again am I BU to give her a piece of my mind.?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 05/07/2011 13:47

It's possible she didn't read what was going on.

Did your MIL say what she was doing and that she'd catch up with her another time?

I think YWBU to have a go at her as it's not really your business.

Is the 'middle aged' bit relevant or just a stab at her?

Original poster
madmn52 · 05/07/2011 14:11

Hi AgentZZ, I dont think she was ignorant of situation as there were about eight red eyed relatives on pavement waving off and all focused on this one car. Also she had to make about four attempts to get m-i-ls attention as she was understandably so fixated on her departing sons car. Then my m-i-l said a very dismissive 'Oh hello' then turned straight back to her sons direction - to which the woman said ' but dont you remember me - I used to work with you at such a place '. Then my m-i-l did say to her - ' I'm just saying goodbye to my son - first visit in ten years'. Still didnt deter her.
The middle aged bit wasnt a dig I just wanted to pre-empty any elderly/confused answers or a young person not mature enough to know better ones really.

Also I do really know I would BU to have a go at her later on but it just upset my m-i-l so much as if she wasnt upset enough and she said later this woman wasnt even a particular friend and always was self important when she worked with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
madmn52 · 05/07/2011 14:11

Hi AgentZZ, I dont think she was ignorant of situation as there were about eight red eyed relatives on pavement waving off and all focused on this one car. Also she had to make about four attempts to get m-i-ls attention as she was understandably so fixated on her departing sons car. Then my m-i-l said a very dismissive 'Oh hello' then turned straight back to her sons direction - to which the woman said ' but dont you remember me - I used to work with you at such a place '. Then my m-i-l did say to her - ' I'm just saying goodbye to my son - first visit in ten years'. Still didnt deter her.
The middle aged bit wasnt a dig I just wanted to pre-empty any elderly/confused answers or a young person not mature enough to know better ones really.

Also I do really know I would BU to have a go at her later on but it just upset my m-i-l so much as if she wasnt upset enough and she said later this woman wasnt even a particular friend and always was self important when she worked with her.

OP posts:
M0rgana · 05/07/2011 14:14

It sounds a bit like the Battleaxe was very persistent - she obviously had to work at getting MILs attention so I wouldn't blame MIL.

Sounds like MIL just didn't want to be rude and ignore B-axe's relentless efforts!

Some people are so bloody insensitive though - they just don't read situations/body language/realise when to bugger off!

UGH!

thisisyesterday · 05/07/2011 14:17

yanbu, the woman was very rude

but... but.... but why on earth did your MIL or one of you not say "excuse me battleaxe, we're saying goodbye to X, will talk to you in a bit"?????

thisisyesterday · 05/07/2011 14:17

yanbu, the woman was very rude

but... but.... but why on earth did your MIL or one of you not say "excuse me battleaxe, we're saying goodbye to X, will talk to you in a bit"?????

Bandwithering · 05/07/2011 14:18

You're angry at a bystander for not knwoing what was going on!? she doesn't know when the son will reappear again.

Bystander sounds a bit thick-skinned and a bit talkative, but nothing worse than that really.

thisisyesterday · 05/07/2011 14:19

sorry, just saw that she did say that.

Original poster
madmn52 · 05/07/2011 14:28

I actually thought of telling her to do one politely to possibly save this for another time but didnt mainly because I didnt know this woman and how relevant she was to my m-i-l - who is quite strong minded but very polite and mindful of others feelings. So I thought as Agent ZZ said in some ways it wasnt my place or business but my m-i-ls.

Yes Morgana agree some people are just like that. On holiday recently we had a family set up on an empty beach right at the side of us and there was absolutely no difference in there or 200 yds either way. We werent for example near to the only bit of available shade or in the best bit for the sun or the sea wasnt any less shingly etc etc. Just does my head in.

OP posts:
Original poster
madmn52 · 05/07/2011 14:35

Bandwithering - my m-i-l did tell her she was saying goodbye to son after first visit in ten years. I am also sure she said where he was visiting from. So it actually is quite obvious she is not going to see him again next week for example.

OP posts:
frazzle26 · 05/07/2011 14:58

She sounds exactly like my grandma (who I dislike intensely BTW). I think you have every right to be annoyed at this woman but it probably won't do any good having a go at her because if she's anything like my grandma she'll be too thick-skinned and self centred to even realise that she's done anything wrong. Just be supportive towards your MIL as she's obviously upset and if she mentions that the woman upset her then don't make a big deal of it and try to get her to focus on the three weeks that she enjoyed with her son.

Lucyinthepie · 05/07/2011 15:00

You could see what is happening. You should have taken the woman by the arm and led her away to the side, explaining that she could speak with your mil after she had finished saying goodbye to her son. I think YABU because there's no point being angry after the event when you could have dealt with it at the time.

Original poster
madmn52 · 05/07/2011 17:32

Had she been speaking to me Lucy when I was saying goodbye to my son or ilk - rest assured I would have dealt with it. But my m-i-l is not some helpless little old lady and for all I knew this woman could have been her lifelong best friend or whatever and m-i-l may not have wanted me to. In any case it all happened in a couple of minutes max and it was one of those situations where you couldnt believe what was happening really. My m-i-l was firstly oblivious, then dismissive of her, then advised her of the situation. So by the time it was obvious assistance was needed to get this woman out of m-i-ls face she was stood between the car and my m-i-l and her final wave.

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 05/07/2011 18:08

i hate it when people dont read obvious situations like this.

She sounds like my exMil who i honestly once saw go up to someone quite clearly in the middle of a family meal, in a restaurant and say 'hello, you don't remember me do you? we used to stand at the same bus stop when we worked at x 38 years ago' Then pull up a chair and blather on to them while they looked uncomfortable.

it is just so odd. i know i am naturally empathetic and observant but somethings are just obvious.

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