Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell SIL to stop 'bragging'

101 replies

CoffeeDog · 05/07/2011 13:22

I am SAHM to 3 kids..... 1 at school & twins 2 1/2.... SIL has 7 kids and is 6mths pregnant...plans on having 10 children
MY DH works full time - i dont mainly as if i did work full time after nursery & childminder for the 3 i would only take home around 30 a month... (my choice not to i know)
neither her or her DH works.....
She has just called me to brag that the littlest one has been given a free nursery place (he is 1) to give her a brake - one of her kids has sn .... my twins will be 3 before being offered a place she knows i struggle with the kids but her mum and mil often go down to 'help' out as she has sooo many, my family are unable/don't want to.
I am FED UP of having to listen to her 'brag' about all the things she has (free school dinners, 2 cars, caravan, big pool in the garden, holidays, pedigree pets etc....)

would it BU just to hang up on her next time she call's with 'news' I have asked her nicley to stop as in thats really nice for you but i dont need to know about everything you have etc... but she just dosn't!!!

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 05/07/2011 18:06

This is so blatantly a wind up Biscuit

Next thing you will be saying your SIL is Nigerian.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 05/07/2011 18:10

I have had a think and i think that some of you are right - her telling me thease things is just her 'news' they dont really go out or socailise and dn can be very poorly so she wouldnt have anything else to say to me.

She can be a bit of a cow but i know if i phoned her tomorrow and asked her to have the kids for a few days - she would, and she would be the only person in the world who would say yes.

So i guess you have answered my question IABU - i should just make mmming noises and do a crossword for the first 5 minutes of her call - i feel a propper numpty and quite bitchy about even starting this now.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 05/07/2011 18:11

What a load of bollocks

next......

BalloonSlayer · 05/07/2011 18:16

Don't understand the bit about the pets. Confused

muminthecity · 05/07/2011 22:18

People on benefits get free school meals because if they had to pay for them they would barely have enough money to live on! It's not a luxury, it's a necessity.

BoojaBooja · 05/07/2011 22:29

YANBU. She's completely unreasonable to have eight DC and live on benefits.

If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em! Grin

seeker · 05/07/2011 22:37

Free school meals are exaclty the same as the ones better off people pay for. As they should be.

Nobody on benefirs has a pool, holidays and all the rest - it's a big fat lie.

reelingintheyears · 05/07/2011 22:43

Does the quality of free school meals improve at secondary school when the children can choose from a canteen?

When mine were at primary the free meals were atrocious,hence they always had a home made lunchbox even when we could have qualified for free ones.

Admittedly this was a while back so they might have improved.

superjobeespecs · 05/07/2011 22:56

my best friend is on benefits atm, her OH does a few hours work for an extra bump in his benefit pay they have a 1 yr old DD (planned and concieved whilst her OH was working) and are permanently skint they never have two pennys to rub together once they have bought gas electric nappies and food shopping they constantly borrow off their mums and my friend used to be so proud of her OH working hard towards a family but he just cant find work. anything nice in their house is long before benefits came along :(

if i had someone bragging in my ear like my sister and her OH who are happy claiming disability the feckwits i'd cut them out full stop like i did to aforementioned sister but for many other reasons than this its just not fair having to listen to them saying ive bought this/booked that/went there when my OH works bloody hard miles from home just to cover our monthly bills and put towards the kids it makes my blood boil.

thirdfromleft · 01/03/2012 21:29

Hully - your talents are wasted here. Much better to be somewhere else making fun of mental illness.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 01/03/2012 22:09

CoffeeDog was it you who had to go on holiday with them last year and look after all her children while sharing a caravan with about a hundred people?

mancbird · 01/03/2012 23:50

I was just about to ask the same question Endo! The 'holiday' sounded like a nightmare and a half :(

LeBOF · 01/03/2012 23:55

Zombie thread. Not sure why it has been resurrected.

Annpan88 · 02/03/2012 14:20

I don't understand what it is with mumsnet and some people refusal to believe that some people just take the puss wrt benefits. A lot of people really need them and its great for them (I've relied on them before) but you'd have to be pretty ignorant to think that everyones deserving. Its not benefit bashing, its lazy sods with no intention of work bashing

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 02/03/2012 14:36

you can't have bingo until somebody mentions the goat... that would be me I guess Grin

Hammy02 · 02/03/2012 15:20

Annpan exactly. There is a pub near where I work that has about a dozen regulars that are in there from 11am and stay there all day. I know for a fact that they are on disability and they brazenly say how they fooled their doctor into signing them off. I know there are plenty of people genuinely on disability but there are also a huge number playing the system.

imnotmymum · 02/03/2012 15:22

Do you know a dear friend has becomr bankrupt during this recession and having to claim dole and fre school meals they were horrified and embarressed told them that is what state system for how come some are so shameless

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 02/03/2012 15:30

Dear god i was a bit bitey in June.... Did have a nice holiday not very relaxing as there was ALOT of kids / adults /dogs in a small space and our DC's loved spending time with their family, 4 generations.

I don't have any problems with them claiming or not working it is their choice to live that way. I was just fed up of having to hear about all the additional things they had we didn't. We had a chat and we dont discuss 'money matters' anymore makes things much nicer for us all.

OP posts:
bochead · 02/03/2012 16:35

I wouldn't swap places with her for all the tea in China

1/ The stigma of being a large family with neither parent in work means you are known as "that" family to all and sundry.

2/ If she has a disabled child then with 7 others she's not gonna have nearly enough time to devote to hassling "the system" re statements etc to ensure that child receives anything like an adequate education.

3/ The benefits cuts coming down the road over the next 5 years mean that is she is in a VERY precarious position in terms of her basic security. Things like shelter, food and heating may shortly become impossible for her to provide.

Anyone who saw that Panorama programme on America's poor would really feel for those mothers dependent on the goodwill of charities to feed their kids. Is she employable in the real world? I'd be terrified of the future in her shoes as the welfare state is being dismantled.

(Even professions like childminding may be beyond her scope due to the legal adult:child ratios)

4/ You only get a pre- standard entry nursery place for 2 reasons the first being that your child has a genuine disability (usually speech delay of some sort) and would benefit from the nursery environment. The second is potentially more sinister - that your parenting is considered substandard and the early nursery place is an attempt to make up the deficit. If the reason is the latter, then again I wouldn't want to be raising my kids in a social services goldfish bowl.

Her future from where I'm standing looks decidely less than golden.

nkf · 02/03/2012 16:42

Why is she bragging? Her life sounds awful.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 02/03/2012 16:47

There's a difference between generic Benefits Bashing and actually being seriously pissed off that some people specifically take on more than they can afford and then have to be supported by the State. Should said SIL and her DH be able to financially support all of their children, I imagine the OP would be more inclined to look on them more positively.

As it is, SIL and her DH have created for themselves a lifestyle of which they are unable to pay for themselves. Why, as someone who has made the sensible decision to live within their means, should the OP have to endure listening to someone who constantly twitters on about a lifestyle she has squandered from others?

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 02/03/2012 16:48

Oops, didn't realise the thread was this old until after posting.

blushingcrow · 02/03/2012 16:54

Not happy with starting new bashing threads , now posters are resurrecting old threads to froth on.
.
FFS

Anniegetyourgun · 02/03/2012 17:20

Well I'm going to post on it, so there! Because I am intrigued to know how the SIL managed to remortgage their house without either of them having paid employment. You can't take out a mortgage on benefits unless someone was telling whopping porkies to the lender.

Dawndonna · 02/03/2012 17:47

Oh ffs.