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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell SIL to stop 'bragging'

101 replies

CoffeeDog · 05/07/2011 13:22

I am SAHM to 3 kids..... 1 at school & twins 2 1/2.... SIL has 7 kids and is 6mths pregnant...plans on having 10 children
MY DH works full time - i dont mainly as if i did work full time after nursery & childminder for the 3 i would only take home around 30 a month... (my choice not to i know)
neither her or her DH works.....
She has just called me to brag that the littlest one has been given a free nursery place (he is 1) to give her a brake - one of her kids has sn .... my twins will be 3 before being offered a place she knows i struggle with the kids but her mum and mil often go down to 'help' out as she has sooo many, my family are unable/don't want to.
I am FED UP of having to listen to her 'brag' about all the things she has (free school dinners, 2 cars, caravan, big pool in the garden, holidays, pedigree pets etc....)

would it BU just to hang up on her next time she call's with 'news' I have asked her nicley to stop as in thats really nice for you but i dont need to know about everything you have etc... but she just dosn't!!!

OP posts:

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 05/07/2011 16:19

Oooh, OK, YANBU to want to put the phone down at all. Bragging is very irritating and must be more so when you aren't getting the support yourself. TBF you probably need 2 cars with 8 dc but it is a little annoying that the tax payer funds this type of lifestyle. I am with those who say that benefits are for those who are in need, especially in the current climate, and popping babies out expecting others to pay for them is very very annoying. But then in cases like this it seems easier to persuade the govt and benefits system than it does for me to persuade dh we might want another one

reelingintheyears · 05/07/2011 16:23

Free school meals are crappy and embarrassing.

The TV is probably on the never never and will eventually cost 10 x's as much as is they had paid outright.

I do agree that it's not right to have DC you cannot afford but it's still not 'a life of luxury' being on benefits.

nokissymum · 05/07/2011 16:26

OP, have you ever heard the saying "empty barrels make the loudest noise" ?

mauricetinkler · 05/07/2011 16:28

Agreed on the free school meals Reelkinginyears. I remember having them - oh, the shame!
Just out of interest, since when did it become 'right-wing' to feel a bit miffed that various sections of society openly take the piss of the benefits system?

Yeni · 05/07/2011 16:29

Can you still buy a CRT TV? People are always on about massive flat screen tellies but I don't think you can buy any other type now.

I'm still interested to hear about the big pool.

MrSpoc · 05/07/2011 16:31

Everyone was on free school meals at my school and i beleive its still the same today, so no embarressment where i lived. I think this is the same in most run down areas.

reelingintheyears · 05/07/2011 16:34

Does the big pool have a wave machine?

MackerelOfFact · 05/07/2011 16:37

Is it bragging, or is it just sharing news? I'm not sure I would interpret someone telling me about a free nursery place as bragging, nor getting free school meals and a caravan!

Nothing you list sounds excessive, the caravan presumably facilitates the holiday, the 2 cars are probably necessary for a family of 10, ditto a 'big' pool. Pedigree pets are neither here nor there really. If family want to help her out with free childcare that's their prerogative.

Of course ideally they should both get jobs but where is the alternative? There aren't enough jobs for people with experience and motivation, let alone those without. If there were alternatives

reelingintheyears · 05/07/2011 16:37

Free school meals are crap quality....

Embarrassed or not about the stigma,i wouldn't want my DC to have had to eat them every day.

And once,when we would have qualified,they still took their lunchboxes with their own lunches.
Lunchboxes don't have to be expensive.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/07/2011 16:41

Neither parent works, they have 8 children, two cars, a caravan, big pool, holidays and pedigree pets? .
I think you're talking crap.

TeaOneSugar · 05/07/2011 16:43

Aren't free school meals exactly the same as the school meal you pay for?

reelingintheyears · 05/07/2011 16:44

LadyBeagleEyes

Is that to moi?

lesley33 · 05/07/2011 16:47

She has probably been offered a free nursery place to "give her a break" aka "Your poor child is neglected and desperately needs some quality parenting so we will give you a free nursery place so your child gets this."

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/07/2011 16:48

To OP, reeling.
I've been on benefits, there's no way anyone could fund a lifestyle like that.
Even a couple on a good wage would struggle.
I don't believe her, sorry

MrSpoc · 05/07/2011 16:52

Lady anyone who is used to a certain lifestyle Circa £25k - £30k, would struggle on benefits but anyone who makes a career out of benefits find it an easy life. I know loads of people like this.

My dad had a caravan in Wales on a static site wheh he was on benefits he only sold it casue he got new owners on his site and they offered to buy it off him. Op has also not said what type of cars they are and how old they are.

Original poster

CoffeeDog · 05/07/2011 17:12

They have a 16 seater minbus and a small car my BIL use to use for work (he stopped working - they say on the advice of cab?) one of their children has sn the council have just refused a grant of 30000 to extend their house on the basis that one walkway is 10cm to narrow.... dn needs to use a wheelchair - their plan is to knock down wall and get council back in.

The 'pool' is a big swimmingpool thingy from argos with lader and filter etc, and erm the pets they tried to re-home but no rescue centre would allow them to rehome as too many kids under 5. So they always get 'pets' from a breader then usually gove them up after 6mth or so to family so the kids can still see them.

They 'own' their own home they moved to a cheaper area to get a bigger house although i believe they have remortgaged alot of it to help 'fund' their lifestyle as a say i don't have a problem - they are legally entitled to recieve what they get.. I just wish she wouldn't tell me and my kids about everything they have first thing off the bat i mean ffs what does a 5yr old need with a mobile.

I was after advice on how to tackle this with her without her going mad at me - she is very use to her own way.

Sorry about the full stops, its a habbit thing - i will try harder!

OP posts:

Dexifehatz · 05/07/2011 17:14

Reel-Free school meals are exactly the same as the paid for onesand nobody knows who gets free/paid.
I don't give a shit if the cars they have are clapped out bangers or Jags-I can't afford one so fuck.
I always thought that as we work we could at least pay a mortgage and give something to our kids when we die,but no,it looks like we will have to sell our house to pay for our old age care.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 05/07/2011 17:19

YANBU - she sounds like a complete TWAT. Next time point out to her that her 10 kids will be teenagers soon and her benefits will stop. It will be quite expensive i imagine with a load of teenagers.

HalfTermHero · 05/07/2011 17:19

Op, do you think that your SIL is irresponsible to continue breeding children when she has no means of supporting them? If the answer is 'no' then just get over it and be happy for all the nice things SIL gets handed. If the answer is 'yes' then you should just tell her what you think of her lifestyle and intention to keep having babies. She will probably stop boasting once she realises that you have no respect for her whatsoever.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 05/07/2011 17:21

Lady. I believe her if she has 7 kids.

takeonboard · 05/07/2011 17:26

This isn't for real is it? Please tell me it isn't.

I am worried about paying my tax bill at the end of this month, I will have to cut back to scrape it together for the dear old Inland Revenue - but good to know its being wisely spent

Fifis25StottieCakes · 05/07/2011 17:30

No it will be real. I am on benefits and things like this make me sick. It gives anyone who needs to claim benefits a bad name.

strandedbear · 05/07/2011 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrSpoc · 05/07/2011 17:48

It may sound like jelousy but why should someone working be worse off than someone who chooses not to work? Where is the logic in that.

hellospoon · 05/07/2011 17:58

Pmsl @ hully you do make me chuckle!

Anyways! Have non of you heard of brighthouse?? No credit checks, not bothered where the money comes from and you pay something like £3 a week! Lots of interest but an easier option to get stuff there and then

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