WWYD? Think dsis might be pregnant

[LolaRennt]

Just moved home 3 months ago after not seeing my sister for a couple years. Saw her in a biking right after we got here looked totally normal (she's normal weight but not super skinny).

Now, first thing. She is normally clothes obsessed, last 3 times I have seen her she has been in same comfy jersey dress (maybe clothes aren't fitting too well). Last month I thought I saw a bump and thought it must be in my head (due to just finding out I was pg) mentioned it to DH who said "no, I noticed it too".

Saw her yesterday for a family thing and "bump" was definitly bigger, dh said "bigger rounder and firmer". If I were to guess I'd say 4- 5 months.

Now if my sister was pregnant, I can guarentee she doesn't know it, as spent yesterday drinking and chain smoking, (since coming back I've noticed she drinks quite a lot actually). This is one of the problems I have, the "baby" could be a beer belly, she is only gaining weight in her stomach.

Also my sister loves attention if she were pregnant she would definitly tell people, I think she would prefer to be married first as well.

My sister is only 24 and only been with her bf for 2 years so I wouldn't think she would be doing IVF (which I know could also give you a belly like you're pregnant).

I'm really not sure what to do, we aren't actually that close now.. and she's the kind of person to be really offended and is quite looks concious. I couldn't mention it to someone else to mention because my family is quite bitchy and I don't want a nasty gossipy thing happening. But if she were to go in to labour in 4 months time with out having a clue of it I would feel pretty shit especially about the smoking and drinking.

Also we have a history of fertility issues in my family (irregular periods etc) and my sis when she was a teenager told me she didn't think she could get pregnant after having a few accidents and nothign happening. So the signs of pregnancy might not be apparent.

I have decided if in a month's time she is obviously bigger I will have to bite the bullet and have a word. Just not sure if I should do it earlier.

Just as an aside. I am 14 weeks pg and fat (size 22). I felt this baby move about 2 weeks ago. With DD I felt her at about 18 weeks and I was the same size then.

As for the sickness and braxton hicks, I suffered majorly with both last time and have had terrible sickness this time. Have never heard that before but I think we can lay that myth to rest :)

no, don't bring it up with family, OP

just ask her (which is what I said in my first post)

I really only had pregnacy or IVF in my head but didn't think IVF was liekely (for one because we live in a country where you pay for it privately and its bloody expensive) and for reasons mentioned in OP. But I will have a word. Nicely.

AlpinePony, if you were slim and your tummy started getting rounder and firmer you would notice more than a plumper woman.
You also feel the baby kicking earlier as a slimmer woman in my experience because as someone said, there is less 'padding'.

However I wasn't saying that plumper women are less likely to notice pg symptoms, just that some of the symptoms are more noticeable for a slimmer woman.

I still don't see why the OP can't ask her parents or bring it up in an unoffensive way. But obv as is usual with AIBU, none of our suggestions are any good at all and the poster just wants to let off steam.

AP, whatever you say

< backs away from the crazy lady >

gwen I was taking the piss, as I thought farside was with her ludicrous generalisations.

Oh, and I have killer BH. But no sickness. So perhaps I'm slimmer than I thought

rhubarb I refer you back to anatomy 101. Are you, or are you not saying that fatty deposits in women of differeing BMIs are actually in anatomically different places? Is that what you're actually claiming? Because your research is fucking groundbreaking! Hang on, hang on - I've got Steven Hawking on the line for you!

gwen, with respect, although every woman is of course different, I have linked to various reputable sources that state in general that slim women feel a baby move sooner than those with more padding

if you simply google it, it is not touted as some sort of "myth"

why AP is taking that as some sort of insult I have absolutely no idea

Thank you buttonmoon78! I will speak to her, people read much in to what I wrote about my sister, but one of the reasons I think she doesn't know (if she is) is I am pretty sure she would cut down her smoking and drinking (or stop it). She's pretty clued up. The problem is if she has period issues etc like I have she might not have realized if she were only a few months gone. I will try and bring it up as painlessly as possible!

and the size of my arse has no bearing on the situation at all

This thread is doing my head in :o Think I'll start again from the top....

I don't see why it's any of your business really OP. She's 24, not 14! She's an adult woman and I'm sure perfectly capable of making her own decisions and choosing who to tell and when. It seems a bit implausible that she'd be so obviously pregnant that you can tell even under baggy clothes, but not notice anything unusual herself...

i was a size 12-14 with dd and felt her at 13 weeks was a size 20 with this PG and felt ds at 11 weeks. weight has fuck all to do with it IMHO.

HTH.

gwen, it certainly has gone rather weird

I mean, people can see down my internet connection now and comment on the size of my arse

scary stuff

< looks round nervously >

:o

I think it's ok now actually

Op has said she will ask her sis tactfully and put her fears to rest

we can all quit and put the kettle on

Just ask her kindly and quietly outright if she is pregnant. Be ultra supportive.

AP, if you were to read my post without bias you will notice that I was telling the OP that as a slim woman her pg would not have gone unnoticed by herself, particularly if her stomach was noticeably rounder. I was not comparing slim pg women to plumper pg women.

But if you want to get all offended then let me tell you something, I have had more insults thrown at me for being skinny than you could ever imagine. I would never ever use the term 'fat' and would never ever deliberately cause offence. So please do not try to set me up as someone who would because that I do NOT take kindly to. If you have issues about your weight then take them elsewhere.

There are many factors which might mean a woman doesn't notice a pregnancy. I had weirdy periods and could have got to 20+ weeks without noticing (am slim - size 8/10 - if that helps). No morning sickness, no sore boobs, nothing except a bit tired. I was flat-stomached until about 20 weeks as well.

So it's entirely possible the OPs sister is pregnant and doesn't or isn't telling, or has cysts, or is wheat intolerant, or has put on weight. But, OP, I wouldn't say anything unless you conveniently have a 'friend' who discovered an asymptomatic pregnancy late on and just thought she was putting on weight and can work that into the conversation. Asking right out could so easily be misinterpreted.

In this particular case fraktious, the OP's sister has a noticeable bump. So the point I was originally making was that, for a slim woman, a noticeable firm bump would not be missed and that is without all the other pg symptoms that come as a package.

I was not comparing plump women to slim women or making any kind of assumption. Yet now we appear to be having a debate about larger and slimmer women and who feels what.

Once again, I was relating to the OP's sister and not saying that all slim women have a bump or that larger women don't get morning sickness

OP I'd suggest you mention it to her. Did you read this sad story?

I hadn't read that, Balloon slayer, how awful for her family.

< ahem > I mentioned ovarian cancer upthread but it kinda got missed amongst the comments about the size of my arse

Surely you feel the baby move inside, therefore the fat you have on your body is irrelvant. Unless one can have a fat uterus?