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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD? Think dsis might be pregnant

84 replies

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 11:55

Just moved home 3 months ago after not seeing my sister for a couple years. Saw her in a biking right after we got here looked totally normal (she's normal weight but not super skinny).

Now, first thing. She is normally clothes obsessed, last 3 times I have seen her she has been in same comfy jersey dress (maybe clothes aren't fitting too well). Last month I thought I saw a bump and thought it must be in my head (due to just finding out I was pg) mentioned it to DH who said "no, I noticed it too".

Saw her yesterday for a family thing and "bump" was definitly bigger, dh said "bigger rounder and firmer". If I were to guess I'd say 4- 5 months.

Now if my sister was pregnant, I can guarentee she doesn't know it, as spent yesterday drinking and chain smoking, (since coming back I've noticed she drinks quite a lot actually). This is one of the problems I have, the "baby" could be a beer belly, she is only gaining weight in her stomach.

Also my sister loves attention if she were pregnant she would definitly tell people, I think she would prefer to be married first as well.

My sister is only 24 and only been with her bf for 2 years so I wouldn't think she would be doing IVF (which I know could also give you a belly like you're pregnant).

I'm really not sure what to do, we aren't actually that close now.. and she's the kind of person to be really offended and is quite looks concious. I couldn't mention it to someone else to mention because my family is quite bitchy and I don't want a nasty gossipy thing happening. But if she were to go in to labour in 4 months time with out having a clue of it I would feel pretty shit especially about the smoking and drinking.

Also we have a history of fertility issues in my family (irregular periods etc) and my sis when she was a teenager told me she didn't think she could get pregnant after having a few accidents and nothign happening. So the signs of pregnancy might not be apparent.

I have decided if in a month's time she is obviously bigger I will have to bite the bullet and have a word. Just not sure if I should do it earlier.

OP posts:

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:19

You asked for opinions

I gave you my opinion, based on the information you gave, but more specifically on the tone in which you gave it

Read your Op again, it is full of subtle and not-so-subtle digs at your sister

5inthebed · 05/07/2011 12:19

Maybe she is and just doesn;t want to tell anyone? Maybe she had a miscarriage earlier on and wants to wait until she has had her 20m week scan before telling anyone?

Or maybe she is just putting on a bit of weight.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:21

it is true that very slim women tend to feel the baby moving earlier than a woman with more "padding"

dunno about the sickness thing...that is just a case of very bad luck, i think

Original poster

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:22

I suppose its a possibilty 5inthebed, they don't often do a scan before 20 weeks here anyway.

OP posts:

Nixea · 05/07/2011 12:22

TBH if you can't work out how to handle your own sister then why the hell should we?! You've been snappy at everyone who dares to express an opinion that you don't approve of and generally come of as being a bit of a drama queen who would love nothing more than a good old barney with your sister.

Why not just accept the fact that either she knows and thinks it's bugger all to do with you or she's not pregnant in which case you're being hugely insulting. Either way just ask and stop shilly-shallying on here expecting us all to agree with every word you say.

AlpinePony · 05/07/2011 12:24

farside How is that? I was always under the impression that the fat layers were deposited between the muscle & skin, and yet what you're suggesting is that fat deposits are made between uterus and muscle? Or do fat women lay down their fatty deposits in a different way to slim women?

catinthehat2 · 05/07/2011 12:26

I see I 'm not the only one thinking 'ovarian cyst'.
Just for that you have to say something tbh.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:27

It is what I was told, AP

I am very slim and felt baby moving from 15 weeks even with my first (usual time scale with your first is 16-20 weeks)

A few family members took the piss and said it was "wind" so I asked was it possible and my consultant said yes, and this is why

KatieWatie · 05/07/2011 12:29

I was pg and didn't know it and I WISH someone who realised had mentioned it to me. I was still having periods and had never had so much as a scare before, so it was total news to me when I MC'ed :(

Looking back all the signs were there (sore boobs I couldn't explain, but didn't even know it was a symptom, and my normally clockwork periods went a bit off kilter). A male friend joked about me being pregnant as I was complaining about not shifting weight and having a belly, even though I was doing more running than normal. He said his wife had been the same when pg, I took no notice of him but he was right.

If I'd had a girly mate (or a sister) to speak to about it things might have been so different now, so I vote for you saying something but then I am a bit biassed. I think you can be tactful and ask her if a little neice or nephew might be on the cards, and she might open up a bit "funny you should say that, I haven't had a period for a while", or she might say "haha I hope not, I'm so busy drinking all this beer and eating so much cake I can't imagine having time for children!". At least then you've tried.

AlpinePony · 05/07/2011 12:29

I'm huge and felt the baby at 17 weeks, so perhaps you're fatter than you think you are if you were only 2 weeks before me.

I am delighted though to be here today, at the cutting edge of technological research where you have been able to reveal that there are actually massive physiological and neurological nerve differences between women with a lower BMI compared to those with a higher BMI. I feel honoured. Do you think your research is likely to reveal that these changes happen post weightgain or is it all part of the chromosomal make-up? Can't wait for your updates!!1!

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:30

OP, there is a worrying possibility (very outside chance, of course) that no-one has yet mentioned

ovarian cancer (in its advanced stages) can show as abdominal distension, having previously been asymptomatic

mummytime · 05/07/2011 12:30

"Just moved home 3 months ago after not seeing my sister for a couple years. " Then you go on to say you know how she normally dresses. Maybe she's just put on weight being in a happy relationship? Maybe she has changed how she dresses over the last 10 years, since she was 14. Maybe she dresses differently for "going out" than normally. Maybe now she has got a steady boyfriend she has new interests and dresses differently.

There are cases where people haven't known they were pregnant, normally because they thought it was the menopause (which I can understand as your body does strange things then). I have also known at least one 19 year old not realise, and in her case I don't think she was repressing it. I also had a skinny cousin who never looked pregnant ( ).

But you and your sister aren't close. So it is none of your business!

AuntiePickleBottom · 05/07/2011 12:31

you said you don't know your sister well, perhaps she is attention seeking, but perhaps this is on part of her life she want to keep private.

the jersery dress are in fashion atm, so if your sister likes her clothes i bet she is keeping up with current fashion

Conflugenglugen · 05/07/2011 12:32

I think you should bite the bullet and ask, straight out - the reason being, as has been mentioned here, that there are other things that might be causing her swollen belly that are best picked up early.

If you're wrong, and she's just picked up some weight, no big deal. Really. What's the worst that can happen to you?

Original poster

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:32

catinthehat2

I hadn't thought it could be somethign medical until it had been mentioned up thread tbh, but we have got a lots wrong in the dept in my family. I have severe PCOS so infrequent periods (which is one reason I thought she might not know if she were), my mom has endometriosis actually I come from a big family of women and they all have something "wrong" with them.

I might use that as a way broaching that her stomach is looking "round" (I wont say big) and that I know it can be from cycsts.

OP posts:

5inthebed · 05/07/2011 12:32

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:32

perhaps I'm fatter than I think I am ?

what a strange over-reaction to a simple statement

it's not a competition, you know

I think you need to have a lie down, AP

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:34

am not talking shit here

AlpinePony · 05/07/2011 12:35

Yes, You are. :) HTH.x Any further updates on why fat women will continue to have periods during their pregnancy? I'm taking notes y'see as I feel you have much to offer us all .

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/07/2011 12:35

I would ask her. Agree that if you can't have this conversation with your sister, even if you aren't close, then who can you have it with. Tbh, if she doesn't know, then it's more important than anything that she does. Whether she is offended or not is sort of immaterial in the grand scheme of things.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:36

how strange

Original poster

LolaRennt · 05/07/2011 12:36

TheFarSideOfFuck

Yes, I will have to bite the bullet and mention it, I won't bring it up with family though. Luckily I am much much fatter than she is, so hopefully she can console herself with that and if she gets too upset about I can admit I am pregnant and just say I have it on the brain. But hopefully it might leave a little seed of doubt to go get a check up.

OP posts:

buttonmoon78 · 05/07/2011 12:36

I've always felt my babies move early and have never been slim. I've also had plenty of slim friends who did not show til really late on. Generalisations are a wonderful thing.

I think a lot is being read into the OP which is not there. So I don't really blame the OP for being 'a bit snippy' towards some of the responses here (though again, I see no unreasonable snippiness). And to say that the only options are that she is pg and knows or is not pg is wrong. It is perfectly possible for her to be in ignorance - whether or not her subconscious knows is a different matter.

I understand your reticence OP. If you are not that close with someone it can be difficult to raise touchy subjects like this, and in her case (previous weight concerns etc) it is going to be touchy.

If I were you, I'd start a conversation about pg and planning kids. Or how you get v bloated at certain times of the month, does she ever and if she does how does she deal with it?

Good luck. I think you need to address this. She could well be unaware in which case might want to stop her alcohol and nicotine consumption (or not but then that would be her choice). Or she could well be suffering with a cyst of some sort. Or she could just have a beer belly. Just be gentle and tactful.

TheFarSideOfFuck · 05/07/2011 12:38

you don't have to take my word for it

AlpinePony · 05/07/2011 12:38

Oh believe me, I'm not taking your word for it! Have you seen the size of your arse in the mirror lately?

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