aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

[wfrances]

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

By this time of year I am always telling my children to give teachers some slack. They are tired and crotchety, some of them, after months of teaching. You have to make allowances for the fact that some are rude.

I'm all for making allowances for teachers - but how about it work the other way too. A lad spills his drink in his bag, ruins his dinner, wets his books, gets shouted at. He's not a disruptive lad - genuine accident.

How about the teacher makes some amends - and whilst at it attempts a student/teacher bond?

Animation - how do you know he isn't normally disruptive?????
Maybe not deliberately so, but I have had the kind of kids who constantly chat to you, and they are disruptive. Maybe not throwing books around the class or similar, but in senior school you do not have time .
None of us including the OP were there, we don't know what went on.

spoke to senco at the school rearding the matter of helping him with unexpected situations(again)as he doesnt have a autistic spectrum disorder he doesnt have a statement.
he has traits of a lot of disorders which makes him harder to work with as he is unusual.
senco are contacting the ed/psch again today as they are not happy with events either.
the lady i spoke to said no child should be spoken to like that ,special needs or not.
so im guessing this teacher has not been at this school for long and has come from a school where teachers think its ok to speak to children like shit.
reading a lot of teachers postings on here it seems to be a sit down,put up and shut up attitude,,,and this teaches what exactly ..
so glad you dont teach my children.

I nicked this from some book or other and paraphrased it, but some ace teacher says to a child 'in a few years you will leave school and will have to deal with many different people, many of whom will have neither the time nor the inclination to speak to you with the courtesy you seem to feel is your due in life'.

Leave it.

Is it me or is this OP getting irriating. She seems to think the whole world revolves around her son, his needs, her requirements etc. What about the other children in the class that were disturbed by her son standing up during class.

Sounds like a PFB although it seems he isnt the only child! I wish I had time to spend over analysing situations, demanding apologies for every little slight and making something out of nothing.

haven't read all posts, so sorry if repeating.

OP; YABU to demand an apology. I really don't see there was any need for your ds to have gone without food or drink. He could have and should have asked for help at the office, from friends, his form teacher etc etc.

I can imagine the teacher being abrupt if he has shouted out in the middle of the lesson. He may not be a disruptive child, but even if it is something important, if a child tells it to the teacher at the wrong, or inconvenient time, it is disruptive. Even if he put up his hand and waited to speak! Imagine the teacher is trying to get across an important point. The class have struggled to grasp it. She's been explaining careful and senses the fog is beginning to clear. She asks an important question to gauge if they have understood. A few kids put up their hand. She chooses your ds. Instead of answering her Q, he says his water has spilled. Queue much hilarity from the class.

I have to remind my kids often that there's a time an d a place for what the want to say. Ds wants a skateboard for his birthday. Asking dad, who is 10 minutes late for work, and can't find his car keys and getting more and more irate, this is not a good time in order to get the response you hope for! Most kids, SN or not really knead to learn when to ask. Sounds like your ds chose a bad time.

I think your reaction, heartbroken, demanding apologies, speaking to more than 1 person about it, all totally OTT.

Surely all that's needed is a word to your ds to be careful with his timing and to see help at the appropriate time form the appropriate source.

YABU.
The teacher was probably stressed out and reacted abruptly. It's not really a big deal. People are like that sometimes.

"She seems to think the whole world revolves around her son, his needs, her requirements etc. What about the other children in the class that were disturbed by her son standing up during class. "

And the school is not standing up to her. That is what really pisses teachers off.

I think your reaction, heartbroken, demanding apologies, speaking to more than 1 person about it, all totally OTT.

Very well said. What on earth are you teaching your son by reacting like this!?

irritating??? im a stay at home mother ,my world does revolve around my children,very proud to stand up and say it.

@ Mummytime the OP already stated that she was suprised that her ds spoke up which would indicate that he is generally speaks when spoken to (common in children with communication problems). Also a child with complex needs that is unstatemented are generally the children who are passive. The agressive, disruptive sn children are able to get a statement. Indicating that when their needs affect others (teachers and other children) they get a statement when it affects only them tough, suck it up.

here you are. My very first .

bonkers

tbh Wfrances - you sound a complete nightmare from a teachers point of view.

'the lady i spoke to said no child should be spoken to like that'

Have you or that lady never ever spoken to your child like that? God knows what that lady would have to say about Gordon Brown and some of his alleged interactions with people involving mobile phones etc. These things happen in the real world. Children learn how to deal with different types of people - grumpy, abrupt, short-tempered ones etc.

OMG yes the OP may be overreacting demanding an apology form the teacher, but I totally get why she is upset at they way her ds was spoken to. Surely it would be as easy to say, get some paper towels, I will help at the end of the lesson etc etc.

She has said the incident happened at the beginning of the lesson, disruptive ffs he wasn't exactly standing on his desk, throwing stuff he asked a simple question and SHOULD have been given a simple answer.

At my school in the 80's, if one kid kicked off the whole class did. I dont think the teacher said anything wrong. I wouldnt be bothered if a teacher spoke to my dd's like this in senior school.

I was a bit pissed off at the yr2 teacher who said she just lazy when she is seeing schools SN teacher and awaiting tests though.

so you've already spoken to at least 2 people at the school, and plan to speak to a 3rd?

Geez. Do you not intend to speak to your son to help him learn something from this?

How will you react when something big & serious happens?

Is he aware or embarrassed of the fuss you are making?

Have you called the police yet?

wfrances don't bother posting here, post in the sn section you will find the posters more supportive although not necessarily agreeing with you.

Seriously?

I too,wonder why some people choose the Teaching profession?

What bit of the job are these type of people attracted to?

What happened to talking to people of all ages with respect and kindness?

It is just as easy to let the pupil know you will deal with it later,with firmness and kindness.

It was probably not the best timing,never is in a classroom ...but surely we should (in 2011) be able to expect our children to be treated nicely?

I am sick and tired of the old "oh well, he is going to have to deal with much worse in life -he needs to suck it up"

Why?

Why can't we (as adults) lead by example, and help the next generation learn strength and kindness can go together?

Why can't we, as adults, understand that sometimes other adults don't speak exactly as we'd like them to, and make mistakes - and then why can't we get the hell over it without needing a grovelling apology.

Sorry OP, but you've been overwhelmingly told YABU, now you need to get over it.

I've got 2 dc with sn.

if something like this happened, I would explain to them why the teacher might have reacted in that way, and how to deal with problems or issues in the school. That way the dc learns from this and goes foreword.

By demanding apologies and making complaints it teaches lots of imo the wrong things.

And if I was upset with how a teacher spoke to my ds, I would bloody well speak to the teacher 1st, not goi running to the HOY. I think it's a totally inappropriate way of dealing with the situation tbh.

i havnt demanded an apology?
maybe this should have gone in special needs thread....but it was late.
my thought was that , her i dont give a shit attitude would stop him from approaching a teacher ,(he will not approach anyone ,even if he cant breathe -he does not as a rule speak unless spoken to.so if she says
sorry i was short yesterday,had a really bad day, maybe it wont have put him off(thats what senco are afraid of)

Or maybe it'll stop him banging on about his pack-up while the teacher is trying to teach, another time?

I'm wondering if, if mainstream secondary school wasn't your first choice and you considered home-edding, whether part of you isn't looking for confirmation that this is the wrong environment for your DS?