to think we in the UK have a bloody good life and we should stop bloody whinging?

[WriterofDreams]

This is a rant. Feel free to tell me IABU, as I am not going to be moderate in my views.

I know "what about the starving children in [insert poor country here]" is an endlessly annoying response to any complaint but it's been ringing in my head of late. I know people are struggling financially and being uncertain about the future is very worrying. But I do feel at times it would do us all good to stop and appreciate the huge privilege and good luck we have in living in this part of the world.

Something that will always stay with me is something my sister told me when she was working in Namibia. She had a spare notebook and pen so she gave it to a man who was about to study to be a teacher. He broke down in tears and she got a shock until she realised that this man could never have afforded to buy his own notebook and pen. He considered the gift hugely generous and had to be persuaded to accept it. A nun friend of mine also told me about children in Ethiopia who used to have their pens blessed by the priest in the hopes it would make them keep working. They had one pen to last the whole year and if it stopped working they might not be able to do their exams. Contrast this to my kids at school who would lose expensive handwriting pens left right and centre and expect a new one every time. We had to introduce a reward system to get them to look after them.

I wake up every day in a peaceful country in a dry warm house. I have running water, electricity, gas and a council that looks after the roads and collects the bins (as well as a lot of other things). If I need anything there are any number of shops I can go to where the shelves are constantly well stocked. My son will go to a clean well equipped school with highly trained teachers, for free, and get heaps of bloody handwriting pens, books, and photocopied worksheets. If I'm ill I can go to the doctor, for free, and be seen right away, given the correct medicine or sent to a state of the art hospital where I'll get great care, again for free. I don't have to worry that malaria or yellow fever will kill my family, or that war will tear my country apart.

On the whole I am one of the very very lucky ones.

But its a bit much to say "I have no clean running water" over a burst pipe!

I had no electricity the other day as I live semi-rural and there is always power cuts.

Ihave thank you.

I am sure Dh will take any days offered to him, although our real fear is not now but in a year when we lose his student income- Dh's business is doing better in fact than before, just could do with growing more quickly if it will fill the gap IYSWIM? Well aware that it's a bit of a perfect storm- graduation + changes to benefit system + DS1's DLA renewal due..... we could come out flying, really making use of our new wqualifications and with a whole new start. Or we could fall by the wayside rapidly as we compete against so many others in an area where employment is incredibly low. We will see I guess.

DH's business BTW sells lighting design equipment- controllers, leads, gels etc. Online store so he can watch kids / manage appts whilst I try and get some PT work, at which point if business not flying he will do some temping as well (FT not an option for me as I do all night care)

Mostly people in the UK are lucky. But some people do slip through the safety net - often due to abuse/disability etc. Thinking of Winterbourne View, poor Baby Peter etc.

We frequently have power cuts

however I suspect living without power or water is one thing but if you have poo smeared over your walls becuase of an SN child it is magified vastly.

here, s hortish term cut means camoing lanterns, camping stoce and snuggling around in duvets; not shit smeared across my home.

Oh.... Coco thanks!
You think it's that easy and you've offered to come down and help out.
Thank you. I'm so grateful. What time will you be here?

I am sympathetic to your plight, however you are talking about personal issues though not issues that by living in the UK have caused this.

This is not what the op is talking about. She is not saying no-one suffers, she is saying in some countries we would all suffer far more than we do in the UK.

Again, it's a mistake to compare developed nations with third world

You are being ridiculous.

Fine I will help if you help me with my abusive and violent ex, my severe family issues and help me when Im too sick to take dc to school yet again.

We all have problems Glitter you do not have the monopoly.

Yet some of us choose to count our blessings also.

YANBU, but Goth etc are right, the only reason it's not that hideous here is because these things were fought for. The problems faced by people with inadequate services and disabled children are not personal, they are the result of political decisions, many being made by the current govt.

Coco I have I hope helped with many people's vioent ex's, botht hrough my apst employment and paying taxes as long as I could happily and without regret.

Likewise if you were my neighbour and too sick to get to school I'd never consier not helping.. You ight actually turn your nose up at my help becuase of my boy's ASD as many do, but i;d offer, I always offer.

And that's the only way it works; we pull together and pick up where we can with other people's problems.

but soem cannot be solved like that and given that even the Toroies suggest some 40000 people ar elikely to be homless- well it's a bit rich to say to someone ah but count your blessings even though your children will have no home.

In certain ciircumstances it is normal to worry and not count blessings.

We HAVE to whinge!

Why?

Well because in third world countries not everyone is poor. SOME people are doing extremely well out of living in those countries. The very rich and those in government.

SOME people do very well out of the poverty of others, out of removing provision for the weak and vulnerable, inflation, higher crime rates, dependency, disability.

Some people prefer to set policies that the very rich and government officials and do so despite those policies being unpopular with the general public.

I forgot......am I talking about the 3rd world or this country. Hmm

ohhh starchart... I like

'inadequate services and disabled children are not personal, they are the result of political decisions, many being made by the current govt.

So very true.

And they are not eprsonal either becuase some of the cuts will make larger costs to wider society.

I read an intersting piece today about how cuts to early input services will cost the taxpayer far more in whole life terms; I know within my own field, SN, that early input is the best way to maximise a child's long term inependence. heck if ds3 had been given his SNU early on then he woudln't have fallen at school, sustained sc\rring to his mouth and had permanent phonological speech issues above his ASD related ones.

BUt no Government ever seems to be able to work out that it is possible to save by investing; neitehr Labour not Tory can mange that logic.

We all know that though don't we? We know that if we service the car then our garage costs may well plummet? That if we maintain the roof we spare ourselves major output?

Thats very kind Peachy. No I wouldnt turn my nose up because somone had ASD I have spent 15 years up until recently working with children from all walks of life.

I dont see how a burst pipe means no home?!

There is never anything wrong with counting your blessings no matter what.

I was faced becoming homeless with dc when she was just one years old but what else could I do but remain positive in the prospect of all hopelessness. I had my lovely dc still after all.

I think if you are in the pit of fear it becomes physically impossible to constantly count your blessings. yes we do on a daily basis, I do anyway and I know glitta off board and that she does.

But equally tehre are times when getting it out is a must; I guess my issue with the OP was that I don;t think a whine when needed ahrms anyone, better to face something, whine, get ideas, and move on if it keeps you coping.

And on the vague chance you're in SE Wales 9nobody ever is LMAO) just message me and I would of course help. As a carer I know I am a bit of a drain but I do try and use the fact I am in the hosue to ehlp with emergency chidlcare etc where I can- we none of us have control over everything that happens to us but many can find ways to give a little more back. That's my take, anyway.

There is nothing wrong with expressing your worries and fears. Everyone needs support. I think its putting things into perpective though when the time comes.

I think one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is try and be positive. Yes it is healthy to go through the grief and sadness. But at some point we have to look forward with hope.

I will not go into details but I was going through hell a couple of years back and literally the only thing that saved me was positive thinking. Nothing else could. It is still a very painful memory but keeping hope alive was what kept me alive.

Thats why I urge people to always look on the brightside no matter how small it could save you.

No. The BIGGEST problem with this country is people trying to be positive.

The 'stiff upper lip' is getting in the way of progress and community and general advances.

The 'take it on the chin' attitude and the expectations to do so when your child is being failed miserably to the extent that he is a high risk for crime stats or a prison sentence, is what is the problem.

Complacency is how evil thrives.

Coco, you sound very much like me in that my glass is always half full, even though I've had my fair share of problems like everyone else.

Positive thinking is what makes life bearable imo.

Blimey Starchart, that's the exact opposite of how I see things! If my dc was at a high risk of crime/prison I'd feel it was my responsibility and no one elses to turn him around.

No.Thats not what positive thinking is at all.

Stiff upper lip means something very different.

I think many people would be dead if it wasnt for positive thinking.

Its about action, planning and fighting for. Its about hope.

Its everything opposite to what you say.

It's also about not expecting anyone else to solve your problems for you. Advise, guide, help to an extent, yes, but ultimately it's our responsibility to solve our problems with determination, hard work and intelligent planning.

Exactly mumblechum.

Positive thinking would be not accepting your child will be doomed to a life of crime in your example, but thinking "we can do better than this" and turning it around no matter what it takes and accepting personal responsibilty.

There are so many studies on the huge benefits of positive thinking Im surprised people wouldnt be aware this.

Yes mumblechum. I have hope. I have sold my house to pay for my second tribunal to get ds the provision he requires to reduce his risk of turning to crime.

But we lost the last tribunal due to a corrupt system and I don't have infinate houses.

Well, good luck Starchart, I hope you get the provision.

Thank you. But am I allowed to whinge that I have to sell my house whilst a Local Authority is spending more on legal fees to deny my child the provision he needs than the cost of the provision which will ultimately save the tax payer hundreds of thousands of pounds over his lifetime.

He might be my responsibility now, but he won't be when he's 18 and a burden on the tax payer, nor if he has to be put into a full-time residential school as a consequence of his difficulties not being addressed when he was young enough to make a difference.

Mispent money is what I winge about, and I refuse to be positive in the face of that.