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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who would you save first, kids or DH?

122 replies

iMemoo · 02/07/2011 15:28

I was having one of those random hypothetical conversations with my friend and she said if there was a fire she'd save her DH before her DC because she could always have more kids but there would only ever be one of her DH!!

I would, without doubt, save my kids first because I couldn't live without them and as much as I love DH and Id be gutted if he died, I'd get by ok without him.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 02/07/2011 18:19

Custardo - my dh has had the unkindest cut of all - so absolutely no good to me in that department

AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome · 02/07/2011 18:25

Your friend is weird but not alone. My granny has always said that she would have found the death of one of her children far easier to get over than the death of my Grandad!

DC's for me and I wouldn't risk my life to save DH once the kids were safe either. I love my DH and would be devastated if anything happened to him but the welfare of my children is by far the most important consideration for us both. DH would understand as would I if it was the other way round.

Tigerbomb · 02/07/2011 18:25

Nesbo, I think it would boil down to circumstance - Whether you felt that there was a chance you could save the child.

It might also depend on whether it was a straight choice between the strangers childs life or your partners life

LadyFlumpalot · 02/07/2011 18:28

DS first, then DF. I need to get me one of those Evacsack jobbys.

In fact, a little while ago there was a fire at the end of our row of terraced houses. As soon as I realised that the fire engine was in our street I was up, packing a bag for DS and getting him into his carrycot just in case!

DF is a big boy now, he can look after himself!

springbokscantjump · 02/07/2011 18:28

Oh my ds easily and I would kick my dh's arse if he tried to save me first.

We had a similar conversation when I was pregnant (it's very cheery round ours) and I made him promise that if the situation arose he would make the doctors save our child over me. Randomly today I in fact reminded him about it when our ds was being particularly cute to remind him that it would have been the right choice.

TheOriginalFAB · 02/07/2011 18:41

"I'm really not sure if I would help my DW or the child, even knowing that she is the most important thing in my life (we have no kids yet) and how devastated I would be to lose her."

Jaspants · 02/07/2011 18:43

DC over DH always. If DH saved me and not our DC I would never forgive him.

Sadly I have an aquaintance who has picked her man over her DC - not in an emergency situation, a day to day living situation where her DC hate her new man as he is a violent drug addict, so the DCs have gone to live with their Dad.

superjobeespecs · 02/07/2011 18:48

we had a fire at xmas 3 years ago, there was myself, OH, DD, my sister BIL nephew plus SIL and MIL in the house.

my DD was watching a dvd in an upstairs bedroom when a lamp burst into flames with just her in the room aged just 3, nephew was sleeping in the room next door aged almost 2, adults were downstairs cooking chatting messing around etc when BIL and i heard a beeping we presumed to be the microwave or cooker. after a few seconds we realised it was the fire alarm and smoke was billowing down the stairs with the kids trapped upstairs alone.

myself, OH BIL and MIL ran up the stairs like linford christie BIL got my nephew out and ran past as MIL threw DD to me halfway down the stairs as the stair gate had banged shut on her.

luckily the fire stayed in a small area of the room, DD and my nephew were fine obviously frightened but fine turned out the lamp had faulty wiring and could have exploded killing us all. at the end of the day the kids were the first priority for the most of us as sister called 999 and SIL chapped the neighbours to warn them of the fire and see if they could help.

if it was to happen again god forbid, the kids would again be my first priority and OHs too.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/07/2011 18:57

Killedbill

Not for me as I can't lift 13 year old foster dd (she's much bigger than me)

And I'm presuming that dh is knocked out - by saving him he is much physical stronger and would not tire or give up trying to get to her.

I also love him more than her. But that comes second to knowing that he would be better physically able to rescue her.

If he was alive and kicking we'd both save a strangers child at risk to ourselves.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 02/07/2011 19:11

Kids, hands down.

RobynLou · 02/07/2011 19:38

children first, no doubt. I'd get them and make lots of noise to wake him/alert him to the problem.

If I were outside a burning building with them and he was inside I think I would stay with them. I wouldn't risk my girls being orphaned, he knows this and would do the same.

I don't think you truly know how you'd react to a life/death emergency till you're there though

LordOfTheFlies · 02/07/2011 21:41

My DD (9yo) kept asking me who I would save between her and DS (11yo) if the car went into a river.
We were in the swimming pool at the time and she's not as good at swimming as her brother.

Of course I said both and I would die trying.
What a question DD!

Deffo DCs before DH. (sorry DH but you would do the same)

plonker · 02/07/2011 21:55

Definitely memoo

nevergonnahappen · 02/07/2011 22:06

my ds

Arietty · 02/07/2011 22:12

I used to tell my nsdh on planes that, should anything happen, he was to grab dd and get out without worrying about me.

It wasn't very heroic, because I figured (with good reasons I won't go into now) he was the kind of man who would almost certainly trample other people's children in his rush for the exit anyway.

But he might just be vain enough to take his own daughter with him, if it meant he got to pretend he wasn't a coward...

Perhaps it isn't a surprise we're now divorced...I'm afraid it would have been kids, then cats...then probably the pot plants first...

DaisyDaresYOU · 02/07/2011 22:14

Defently kids.My dps had his life my dcs have hardly lived theirs.Theres no way he would let me anyway and kids aint replacable ffs.

joric · 02/07/2011 22:16

DD without any doubt at all

junkcollector · 02/07/2011 22:31

slight tangent but did you see this story?

joric · 02/07/2011 22:44

Junk :( Children need adults to care for them and help them - most adults can usually help themselves - not in every situation of course as there are some shocking situations people find themselves in but help children first :( :( :(

razzlebathbone · 02/07/2011 23:44

I've had this conversation with my husband.

I would save my children first, without question or hesitation. And I've made him promise that he would do the same. I can't imagine being able to live if my children died.

iscream · 03/07/2011 05:54

Kids, but they are adults, I still think natural instinct would be to save them.

ThePathanKhansWoman · 03/07/2011 16:58

Slighty off tangent, i remember watching Sophies Choice as a teenager and

being affected by it for such a long time, the absolute cruelty of being made

to choose between your children . In answer DD, all the time, everytime.

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