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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for advice....DS is saying he doesn't want to sleep over at his dad's :(

14 replies

superv1xen · 02/07/2011 09:48

brief back story

DS is 5. me and DS dad split up when DS was a few months old, i remarried in february and have a 2 YO dd with new DH. all fairly amicable.

until January this year DS dad lived 100 miles away and would only see DS twice a month (he would come and pick DS up and take him to his overnight then bring him back the next day)

since he has been back DS dad sees DS every week, one week he will have him for the day either saturday or sunday, then the next week he will have him overnight and then for all of the next day.

every time its a sleepover weekend DS has been saying he doesn't want to sleep over. he has no problem seeing his dad for the day, but doesn't seem to want to stay overnight. i have been making him go (and sometimes he gets quite upset) but i am starting to wonder that now at the age of 5, is he old enough to make his own decisions? or should i just keep making him go? as i DO want him to have a good relationship with his dad.

any ideas? today is the sleepover weekend and he has just told me he doesn't want to go :(

OP posts:

eurochick · 02/07/2011 09:50

Has he said why?

spookshowangel · 02/07/2011 09:51

my kids often dont want to go to there dads they say it is boring and its not their home. they are more comfortable here have their things and their friends and mostly me to hand but i still make them go because its important for them to have that with their dad to and i get my space as well.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 02/07/2011 09:53

Agree you need to ask why, could be something really simple.

Original poster

superv1xen · 02/07/2011 09:55

thats the thing eurochick he doesn't say why. i ask him why and he just says, i just don't want to!! and gets quite defensive :(

if he gave me a reason, i could take it up with his dad and resolve it.

and thats exactly it spookshow it is important for him to have a relationship with his dad, and his dad is generally a good guy and a good dad (we have had problems in the past re maintenance issues and stuff )

i do think he gets bored there though, i don't think there is much for him to do and his dad is quite unimaginative with activities when he is there, ie all he does is take him to visit relatives etc. but then, his weekends with me, DD and DH are probably quite mundane too :)

OP posts:

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 02/07/2011 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tallulahxhunny · 02/07/2011 09:57

Maybe he thinks hes missing something when hes gone? or maybe a bit jealous of your younger child getting to stay all weekend with his mum?

Lonnie · 02/07/2011 09:58

op if you can have a ammicable conversation with your x then this is the time. ask him if there are issue when they get there explain why your asking stress you are simply wonderring if it is something simple like a nightlight and that the two of you can work it out together. It could simply be at home you sleep with the light on in hallway and daddy doesn't do this. or it could be the other way around.. basically you have to work with x for the two of you to parent your child.. and good luck..

blackeyedsusan · 02/07/2011 09:59

he goes to dad's quite a lot...more than half of the weekends, so maybe one day each weekend would be better for him now?

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 02/07/2011 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

handsomeharry · 02/07/2011 10:40

Actually thats a really good point HRH. The transition from one house to another can often be very stressful. I have been separated for 7 years now but the first hour or two in the house on return from exP's is pretty painful!

Perhaps weekend about would be a better solution.

fuzzpig · 02/07/2011 10:53

The fact that it's alternating between weekends seems quite inconsistent, IYSWIM. That might be confusing him a bit? Now that X lives nearer, could you make it the same arrangement each week?

As he's only got like this since X moved, it may be something to do with the house - his bed is close to a noisy boiler, the bathroom is at the other end of a dark corridor, a ticking clock keeping him awake... 5yos are funny like that!

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 02/07/2011 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

superv1xen · 03/07/2011 12:08

well after all his moaning yesterday he went off with his dad fine when he came to pick him up

so god knows. i'm just going to keep sending him i think.

OP posts:

CurlyBoy · 03/07/2011 13:07

My nephew was the same with his dad. His mum finally decided that at 5 or 6 (I can't remember for sure) he was old enough to decide for himself. It would be helpful of course if you got the reason out of him. My nephew's reason was that dad only paid attention to his GF and didn't spend the time with him.

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