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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to charge my brother rent?

68 replies

JobCarHouseNoBaby · 01/07/2011 21:48

Ok I am prepared for all opinions....be honest but not too blunt, please!

So here's the background: DP & I bought our house last summer. Have lived together for 5yrs. I am marriage & baby-obsessed (see other posts), but timing is not right. We both work lots (out 7am-7pm) and are barely at home.

Current situation: Little brother of mine has just finished uni in Essex (we live in Hampshire) and has failed. Not even passed with a third. Parents are going nuts having funded his 4yr degree and let him live with them rent free for the duration. He is at a loss and doesn't know what to do. I suggested he find a job, ANY job, and quick, so he doesn't have to sit at home with no cash and be patronised by my recently-redundant mother.

He has been offered a job interview in a town 10 miles from my house (i.e. he would have to stay with me - he couldn't commute from Essex). I don't mind him staying, neither does DP, but have found out that under the Government's 'rent a room' scheme we can charge lodgers up to £340 a month with no tax liabilities.

I feel a bit cheeky charging this much as I know his contribution to the bills will only come to about £200. But at the same time I think he needs to learn some real world lessons (having lived rent free his entire life).

What would you charge a family member? If anything at all - AIBU to think of charging him rent or 'housekeeping'?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/07/2011 21:52

YANBU at all. How much would it cost him to have his own place?

oldraver · 01/07/2011 21:54

Yes I would and did. I had my brother staying with me for several years at weekends and holidays while he was at Uni (he had a job local to me) and then he moved in after Uni

He did pay rent though not the going rate. He knew he would have to as I had always intended to take in a lodger while I was at home with DS

2cats2many · 01/07/2011 21:57

it would depend on whether it as a long term or short term, arrangement.

Short term - no rent.

Long term - rent.

AMumInScotland · 01/07/2011 21:57

YANBU - time for him to grow up and realise it isn't everyone else's responsibility to support him in comfort. I'm not sure what's a fair figure these days - it probably depends on a mix of how much his salary would be, and what he costs you in bills. Maybe look at what commercial rents are like in your area and knock off a bit since he's family.

PrincessJenga · 01/07/2011 21:59

I would guess that the going rate in Hampshire is probably less than £340 so you'd still be doing him a favour. If it makes you feel any better I charged my best friend exactly that when she lived with me for a while.

olibeansmummy · 01/07/2011 21:59

YANBU, he's a grown up and needs to learn some grown up lessons!

PrincessJenga · 01/07/2011 22:00

Sorry... 'going rate in Hampshire is probably more than £340 per month"

Cleverything · 01/07/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 01/07/2011 22:01

If it's going to be for more than a few weeks you should certainly charge him something - presumably you will be feeding him some of the time at least (ie he is a lodger rather than a totally independent tenant), and his living there will probably mean your energy bills increase. Do you know how much this job of his will be paying? If it's a very low wage then you should probably not charge him a greedy amount of rent: have a look in the local papers to get an idea of what bedsits/rooms in shared houses are going for.

Original poster
JobCarHouseNoBaby · 01/07/2011 22:04

Well 1 bed/studio flats in the area are being advertised at £350/mth without bills on top (e.g. council tax, insurance, utilities, tv, broadband, etc). I am thinking of charging him £250 all in. I can't bring myself to make a profit out of my brother, particularly when he's starting out. But at the same time there is a lot to be said for the inconvenience it will cause me and DP (no more snuggling on the sofa as bro could walk in) Blush

OP posts:
WhoAteMySnickers · 01/07/2011 22:05

YANBU. Find out what the going rate for a room is in your area and charge him a little less. Tell him that it's room only.

Four years funded at uni, living rent free and he didn't even scrape a third - time for a taste of the real world I think.

Sarsaparilllla · 01/07/2011 22:06

Yep he should definitely pay some kind of rent, plus make arrangements re food and helping out round the house as well before he moves in, so everyone knows where they stand

meditrina · 01/07/2011 22:08

I would take him in, and charge him rent (below tax threshold). If I did not need all that income, I would give some/all of it back to him when he's ready to move out. This benefits him - he's used to paying his way (even if below the market rate) and might get a lump sum (deposit for his own place?). And it benefits you - you'll ave done a good thing, helped him, and (if you can give any of it back) helped speed him off your premises.

Smellslikecatpee · 01/07/2011 22:08

No , he?s in the big bad world now, I wouldn?t charge him £340, but I would agree on a % of his wages [and enough to make him think about it; not so much as to make it not worth his while working]

I have worked in some form or another from the age of 11, babysitting, shop work, care work, etc. I always gave my mum 25% of whatever I earned for my house keeping.

It made me appreciate what she did for me and when I did get a place of my own I never considered my net wage ALL mine I knew I had bills to pay and to budget for them.

When I was 18 I lived in nurse?s residences, I had a GOOD life [nostalgic smile] I was one of the few that could [a] live within my means [b] save [c] move out when I had out grown it all, seriously there were people who had lived there for 20+ years Hmm.

But what I?m trying to say in a very Wine affected way is that you have to pay your way and the sooner you get used to that idea the better

you'll be doing him a favour in the long run

MerylStrop · 01/07/2011 22:10

YANBU. I think you should charge him 75% of the going rate.
Don't think about it as making a profit, think of it as a charge for the inconvenience of sharing your home. If he pays a little more than he costs you can save up for something and feel less resentful as he walks around in his pants eating baked beans from a can or whatever other disgusting little brother type stuff he gets up to.

Also get the WASHING, CLEANING and COOKING expectations agreed in advance.

wonkylegs · 01/07/2011 22:11

YANBU
if you feel guilty - put the rent in a savings account towards something and when he finds his own place buy him something decent from the savings and spend the rest on something essential for you
I think it a valuable life lesson
Word of warning tho my brother has let to my sister and in turn she has sub let to my other brother, family + paying the rent has at points been a whole world of trouble
I bought a house and rented rooms out to mates when I was at uni, mainly fine but my best mate did try to take advantage of our friendship on occasion - 'can i pay late this month - i've got a date'...umm no I need to pay the mortgage whether or not you want to get laid!!!!
Close bonds can mean people take the piss, think about how you deal with this in advance

Lay down ground rules (fair ones) and stick to them and it shouldn't end in tears

FakePlasticTrees · 01/07/2011 22:11

How badly has he failed? My cousin failed his finals, he did get a job, but went back and was able to resit his finals again the following year. (he didn't do the course, just the exams). He had to pay for it, but might be worth it. (Mind you, that was about 7 years ago and sheffield uni, so might be different, but worth looking into anyway to avoid it being a total waste of money)

Anyway, YANBU - perhaps give him a few weeks grace (just ask for food then) at the start until he gets his first wage? Or make it a temporary thing, give him until the end of his probationary period in his new job then expect him to move out.

Original poster
JobCarHouseNoBaby · 01/07/2011 22:15

Wow thanks for all the replies!

In terms of how long I think we're happy for him to stay, I think 6-9months would be it. By then I think he should either be able to rent his own place.

The reason I'm feeling guilty about the amount to charge is that I know he has run up a lot of debt on credit cards and overdrafts so can't bring myself to ask for more than £250 when I feel the rest of his hard earned cash should be put towards paying off his debt as quick as possible.

The job he is going for would give him a wage of £1200/mth (after deductions).

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 01/07/2011 22:23

I think you have to let him pay a little more. You know he has debts and you may feel that he should be paying them off but he is an adult and has to decide that for himself. If you are subsidizing him you may get irked if he prefers to spend it on booze fags and loose women. £900 a month is a huge amount of disposable income - it's certainly more than our household of five has!

leafbird · 01/07/2011 22:43

ha we only charged my brother in law 20 a week and a year and a half hes still here, it was only supposed to be short term. DONT MAKE IT TO EASY FOR HIM!!!! charge what you feel and also set out a cleaning rota and make sure its stuck to. Let him know what time you will need to use the kitchen and washing machine(do not make the mistake of cooking and doing laundry for him)also to let you know when hes having people over (hes 22) have a cupboard and a shelf in the fridge other wise over time you will get really pissed off when your milk bread ect go missing.Stick to these and it should be ok(ish)

Jaspants · 01/07/2011 22:46

YANBU - don't make it too easy for him or you'll never be rid of him

Jaspants · 01/07/2011 22:46

x post with leafbird

JustOlivia · 01/07/2011 22:50

I think you should charge him £250, giving him enough disposable income to be able to clear his debts and save towards a place of his own, he could get a bedsit/room in shared house in Hampshire for £60 a week with no bills. You should be cheaper than it would cost for him to live in private rented accomodation.

starfishmummy · 01/07/2011 22:54

I would charge him on the basis that I could let the room out to someone who was prepared to pay; but I would perhaps put some of it away (without telling him!) so that I could help him find the deposit to rent somewhere when i was sick of him he was ready to move out.

lurkerspeaks · 01/07/2011 23:12

Totally.

He needs to learn financial responsibility. You can always be a 'nice' big sister and lend him/give him some of it back when he gets his own place.

My bro stayed with me for a while and he contributed to the household.

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