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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is an utter loon?

127 replies

Piggyleroux · 30/06/2011 21:04

Prob should be in baby names, but need urgent help.

my best friend whom I've known since I was 12, is currently pg with her second child due next month. She already has an eight yo dd and this second child is a long time coming.

The issue is, her taste in names is truly shocking. Her dd is called Phatone, pronounced fertony, making her dd the brunt of some very cruel jokes at school. Her dd has already told me that as soon as she is 16 she plans on changing it.

Anyway, my friend calls me tonight to tell me that her and her dh have two names they like (they are having a boy)

Gryphon or Tedber.

Please, please dear mumsnetters, for the love of god, please make her see sense. (I told her I would post this on , she fully consents to canvass opinions Grin )

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 17/08/2011 09:16

YOU ARE DISABLIST

how dare you use the term loon

ChristinedePizan · 17/08/2011 09:29

One of my friends has a horrible first name and has always been known by a shortened version of one of her middle names, even by her family. Phatone can just tell her school she wants be known as Emily or whatever.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 17/08/2011 09:35

Thing is Tedbersmum, if you give your DC a name that is a bit "out there" then you do need to be prepared for people voicing their opinions. If there is one thing people like to express their opinions about, it's what other people call their children.

FWIW I don't think Tedber is that bad, not compared with some ridiculous stuff people come up with (have you seen the baby name threads on MN? Crumbs.) Got to say though the person who named their child Phatone must have had a blow to head when they thought up that one...

DinahRod · 17/08/2011 09:46

Phatone I thought was a joke, no one surely calls their child Phat One??

I know a Gryphon, he is called Griff and he has siblings with worse mythological names which they have all shortened or changed by deed poll when old enough. He considers he got off quite lightly and doesn't mind his name.

biddysmama · 17/08/2011 10:09

my friends friend has just had twins and called them.... indigo violet and cherry blossom Grin

MoaningMcMyrtlepants · 17/08/2011 11:31

But surely Phatone is pronounced Fayton (or fate-tonne) as there is no wotsit on the e.

Whatmeworry · 17/08/2011 11:36

Phatone is pronounced Fayton (or fate-tonne) as there is no wotsit on the e

Any kid will prononce it "Fat One", doesn't help that Phat is now also in common usage.

Birdsgottafly · 17/08/2011 11:46

Is this a real discussion, then. I thought it was revisited to piss posters off because it contained the word 'loon' in its title [yawn].

The baby has been born.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 17/08/2011 12:12

so we'll never know what the mum called her baby.......

smelison · 17/08/2011 12:14

This discussion is awful. You're all no better than those bullies in the school playground. Seriously, grow up!

Some of you have said that people like tedbersmum should expect this kind of reaction and opinion if she's going to call her son that name. Why? Because there's a bunch of mean bitches out there who can't keep their mouths shut? Bullying in school is one thing, but on a support forum by people who really should know better, well that's just uncalled for.

If you think that this kind of bullying and prejudice is okay, then I dread to think what example you're giving to your kids, who'll end up as bullies themselves. It's not the names that bring about the bullying, it's the attitudes that kids have been brought up with, that says anything 'out of the ordinary' is wrong and deserves to be slandered.

I can't believe so many of you can just speak without thinking how upsetting this thread is for some people.

OTheHugeManatee · 17/08/2011 12:22

If poor Phatone fancies being a jafaican-speaking hoody type she might get away with changing the spelling of her name to Phat-1 and starting a career as a DJ. If that doesn't appeal she is likely to end up taking the same drastic action Zowie Bowie, who is now known as Duncan Jones Hmm

Don't even know where to start with Tedber and Gryphon Grin

ChristinedePizan · 17/08/2011 12:32

Smellson - being honest isn't bitchy. I know a child who has a v unusual name and it gives him no end of grief. Perhaps the people who are really unkind are those who saddle their kids with names that make their classmates snigger?

muminthemiddle · 17/08/2011 12:51

I think it is more the parents than children who make fun of names.
I have never heard a child say "Oh I don't want to play with Jack because his name is soooooo common" or "I cannot possibly associate with Tedbar because his name is too unusual."
I actually think Fer-tone-nay is ok as a name. Admittedly seeing Phatone written down might make people think her name is Fat-One.
Gryphon I don't like sounds like a character from Harry Potter. Tedber is ok as I quite like the Ted element.
However, op it is not up to you to tell your friend what to call her child.

smelison · 17/08/2011 13:02

Personally I think comments like:

"Bollocks"

"still a shit name thought"

"I think her mother should be shot."

...are very bitchy and unnecessary.

If you don't like a name say "personally I don't like that name" rather than just slagging it off. There are ways to be honest without being bitchy. And don't forget that these comments are only personal opinions, some people don't like the names mentioned here, some people do. Some people like common names, some people like unusual names. The comments in this thread not only bully the parents, but also kids who already have these names. If a 15 year old with one of the names mentioned here was to stumble across this thread, they could find it much more upsetting and hurtful than anything they've ever experienced at school.

ChristinedePizan · 17/08/2011 13:09

I very much doubt there is another Phatone in the world :o

And actually once you get to a certain age, kids do take the piss out of your name, nothing to do with adults. And it is a fact that if you have an unusual name, you stand out. That is fine for some children and they are happy about it. But many children just want to blend in with everyone else.

I used to think that it was entirely up to the parents but having watched this boy I know suffer, I have changed my mind.

Some of those comments are a bit unkind but this is AIBU. People would (probably) have been gentler if the OP had been asking for her own child.

WorzselMummage · 17/08/2011 13:15

I don't believe this at all.

No-one is that cruel are they?

GaramMasalaGirl · 17/08/2011 14:19

But I'd really like to know what happens when people come across names from other cultures? Asian, Arabic or Persian names?

Urvashi = South Asian name (from Hindu legend)
Azieeza = Arabic name (I think it means beloved/cherished)
Iryana = Persian name (meaning from a musical place)

I think these names are beautiful

Are you saying that because they aren't normal or popular it's ok for the children of those names to be bullied? And in order to avoid cruelty from other narrow minded people we should all have anglicised names?

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 17/08/2011 14:57

GaramMasalaGirl

Those are all beautiful names, I love names from other cultures and am always intrigued about whether they have a meaning

Gonzo33 · 17/08/2011 15:09

I used to go to school with a Gryphon, actually his name was Gryphon Griffin Grin which was hilarious to us, but we all called him Griff anyway.

QuintessentialShadow · 17/08/2011 15:11

Can you convince your friend to change HER OWN name to something she really like, so as to not inflict such pain on her own children?

Thumbwitch · 17/08/2011 15:49

Garam - I think it is a good idea to look at the potential impact in a different country/culture - I used to work with a lovely Tamil girl who had a baby daughter. They used numerology to work out the name for this child and had two options: Pratishta (Prati) and Prianka. She asked our opinions. We had concerns about her DD's teasing potential with both names but thought that Pratishta was probably the lesser target of the two and that is the name she chose. Both are beautiful names and would be no trouble in Sri Lanka - but in the UK, children don't need any encouragement to find an excuse to pick on someone. I'm sure it's the same in other cultures - children just aren't that civilised at a young age!

ChristinedePizan · 17/08/2011 15:53

Like thumbwitch says, I think it's fine to give your child a name that reflects your own culture - none of the names you cite are funny garam.

I have friends with African names, friends with Asian names, none of them are a source of amusement, mainly because their parents aren't deliberately trying to be different. That's when it all goes tits up.

GaramMasalaGirl · 17/08/2011 18:57

Thumbwitch - yes I have heard about some cultures using numerology/astrology etc to help with naming....v intriguing. And I also understand what you say about children not needing an excuse to be mean.....I guess I was just disconcerted that some posters (adults, not children!) on here were being quite mean too.

But I do get the point that ultimately it's the parents responsibility to make their DC's life as easy as possible and not make them the target of cruel jibes.

whackamole · 17/08/2011 20:17

Ew they are all horrible.

And sorry, Tedbersmum, just because a name is old-fashioned doesn't make it a wonderful name to use. If you had a daughter, would you call her Fanny just because 100000 years ago you had a relative called it? I wouldn't purely because of the modern connotations on the word.

If you use an unusual name - particularly one that sounds like the shortened version of a popular toy Hmm then you can expect people to comment.

TillyIpswitch · 17/08/2011 20:18

smelison - I agree that some of the comments on the thread have been a bit harsh; perhaps unnecessarily so. But I think the aim is ultimately to defend the child who has been saddled with such a name through no choice of their own, and to have a bit of a go at the perpetrator of this, i.e. their own parent who should have their best interests at heart.

Believe me, I am no defender of boring, ordinary names. But neither would I inflict a life time of hassle on my own child by way of the very thing which identifies them most above all else. It's horribly self-indulgent.

Moaning - the 'e' doesn't always need an accent on it, for example Penelope and Hermione...

Garam - no-one's saying names have to be 'normal' or 'popular' or 'Anglicised'.....? Just not names which positively ask other children to put the boot in. Pretty much all names invite some degree of teasing - 11 year olds can be quite imaginative. Grin But there's no need to hand bullying potential - of your own child - to them on a silver platter.