Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think you cannot ware white to a wedding

88 replies

maypole1 · 29/06/2011 13:27

right been invited to a wedding first issue is that they have asked for money which I think is extremely rude to e honest my oh wants to give £500 which is what his cousin gave to us for our wedding, I tried to point out to my oh
A- we had a wedding list
B- we didn't ask for cash
C- I felt very embarrassed
D- she was single and living with her mum so had no over heads at the time
E-we had our wedding here

On the other hand she is having her wedding abroad

We have bills we can barley pay now

And i think its really rude asking for money

The other thing is I have a White dress with pink polka dots on it that is fairly new never been worn oh wants me to were that I am trying to explain to him just like asking for money for a gift its rude to ware White to a WEDDING

Which of us is correct .

OP posts:

diddl · 30/06/2011 12:55

Well for me it´s rude because a wedding gift should ideally be something that they need for the house.

diddl · 30/06/2011 12:56

posted too soon-that they giver chooses to buy for them.

childfreeatm · 30/06/2011 14:06

What do you do if they don't need anything for the home? And why should it be a gift for the home?

Technically money towards an extension is money for the home. I also don't see the problem with contributing to the honeymoon, as that's a nice memory - all of your lovely guests have helped to pay for.

Do you disapprove of my choice to ask for money in place of gift that I'll be giving as a donation to the local hospital?

diddl · 30/06/2011 14:17

Well traditionally it would be for the home as the couple wouldn´t have anything!

It could also be books/cds/dvds.

And if people want to give money, that´s fine.

What I dislike is the idea that if you have everything that you want for the house you ask for money.

Think yourself lucky that you have everything & be grateful for anything that you are given!

And of course money for a donation is not the same as money for yourself, is it?

Sarsaparilllla · 30/06/2011 14:53

What I dislike is the idea that if you have everything that you want for the house you ask for money

It's not asking for money, it's a direction/suggestion, should anyone wish to get them something, in the same way that a wedding list isn't asking for presents, it's a direction/idea incase you do want to get them something so you get them something that's useful to the couple

Sarsaparilllla · 30/06/2011 14:56

Well for me it´s rude because a wedding gift should ideally be something that they need for the house.

Money can still be used for something for the house, the last 2 weddings I've been to, both have asked for money because one couple wanted a new sofa and one wanted a new washing machine - both household items but you could hardly put them on a wedding list

DesperateHousewife21 · 01/07/2011 09:35

I agree that asking for money in LIFE is quite rude unless its a life or death situation. But asking for money when someone wants to know what you really want is different because they would have given you a gift/vouchers anyway.

Ive pooled all our wedding money together to use for a holiday next year which I def would not be able to afford otherwise and give my son a week away abroad which he otherwise wouldnt experience, now how can you say receiving a toaster is better?

childfreeatm · 01/07/2011 10:35

Well traditionally it would be for the home as the couple wouldn´t have anything!

It could also be books/cds/dvds.

And if people want to give money, that´s fine.

What I dislike is the idea that if you have everything that you want for the house you ask for money.

Think yourself lucky that you have everything & be grateful for anything that you are given!

And of course money for a donation is not the same as money for yourself, is it?

That hasn't been your objection though, you've just declared that asking for money in place of gifts is rude. I am still asking for money and have everything I need for my home so it's exactly what you object to. The intended destination of the money has nothing to do with my home. I don't see a difference in me asking for money as it has a "noble" destination compared to a person asking for money to put towards something for themselves. It's still asking for money, and it is technically selfish, and for me as I am choosing what it is used for!

Traditions change btw - traditionally a couple wouldn't set up home until after marriage, and would be married much younger. I take it you object to people setting up home before marriage too as it's not traditional?

diddl · 01/07/2011 10:38

No, I couldn´t care less tbh.

childfreeatm · 01/07/2011 10:48

Why have you bothered posting in this thread then?

FlamingFannyDrawers · 01/07/2011 10:59

When we got married the last thing we thought of was what guests would be buying us. People kept asking and we just said we didn't need anything. On the day we received lots of lovely keepsake gifts and a wad of cash. We've lived together for years so the last thing we needed was 20 Towel Bales and 10 toasters cluttering up the place.

£500 is far too much though imo. I'd give what you can afford and buy yourself a new dress.

diddl · 01/07/2011 11:47

My previous post was in response to this-

"I take it you object to people setting up home before marriage too as it's not traditional?"

5Foot5 · 01/07/2011 13:18

TBH I would have less of an issue about being asked for money than I would about being expected to fork out for a trip abroad. Why do some people think it is OK to ask their guests to go to so much expense to attend their wedding?

I also think that the white dress with pink spots should be OK, especially if teamed with pink accessories. Pink hat, long pink gloves, pink shoes - oh that sounds lovely actually.

Flip

1 2 3 4