To treat my daughter the (younger) age she acts?

[NotaDisneyMum]

DD10 tried to sneak the uneaten crusts from her school lunchbox into the rubbish bin without me seeing AGAIN today - she knows full well that I expect food to be eaten, not wasted.

I have told her that the next time I find out it happens - I'll give her a packed lunch suitable for a much younger child; one of an age who I'd accept leaving their crusts.

We've had sulks, stomps and 'it's not fair'.

AIBU? Tbh, it wouldn't bother me if she managed to work out that she can chuck them away at school (I'm guessing that the staff won't let her) but bringing them home and throwing them away infront of me really irks -

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I should add, she now makes her own sandwiches and cuts the crusts off at home and puts them in the food waste bin.
Can't put them out for the birds because there are nine furry assassins living next door.

[MorelliOrRanger]

I don't understand what the big deal is about leaving crusts. Just cut them off before school.

Mind you I don't make an issue with any food my DD does or doesn't eat, I don't want problems later.

Doesn't mean I like her leaving stuff, but I'd never force her to eat something she doesn't want.

[MorelliOrRanger]

Sorry meant to add - and throw them out for the birds.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

YABU - sorry, crusts aren't essential and you sound to me to be being a bit of a control freak over this issue

[giraffesCantZumba]

Don't sweat the small stuff

[Morloth]

I think you sound well on your way to giving your DD some serious issues with food.

If this is your plan then well done, if however you would rather this didn't happen then chill the fuck out.

Do the crusts in the freezer thing, but really? This is the hill you are going to die on with your preteen daughter?

Is there nothing more important in your life that you need to worry about crusts?

[Jux]

In the dark ages when I was a kid, we had to eat our crusts. The Parents had far too little cash to just let us chuck them. If we hadn't eaten them we'd have been HUNGRY. So yes, it is wasting food.

OP, YANBU. My dd eats the crusts now, but went through a phase where she hated them, entirely due to other kids at school who were allowed to leave their's. She's grown out of it now.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

she only gets to pick and choose what she eats if/when she pays for it

Words (almost) fail me. Is this a wind-up?

If this is an example of your general approach to parenting you do have some problems. Your dd isn't one of them but, unfortunately, you'll be one (or more) of hers.

Send her up a few chimneys so that she can at least have some choice in what she eats now, or keep an account and give her the bill when she starts earning.



BTW, you got your name right: you're definitely not a Disney mum.

[tazmin]

blimey, dont some people love to create conflict from nothing

[Lonnie]

YabVu you are also fast on the way to give dd a food issue. And I am speaking g as someone the LOVES the crusts I think they are the best part of it bothers you that much then get her to make her own lunchbox with the understanding that what she puts in she will eat. Then of she wants to cut off crusts she can

[mayorquimby]

yep, treat her the age she's acting.
A 10 year old is perfectly capable of deciding that she does not want to eat her crusts, so treat her as such.
In contrast she should treat you like a pissed off teenager who thinks they are always right and that everyone must do as they say.

[Ephiny]

I don't usually eat the crusts on package bread, especially the top crust which usually tastes horrible.

And I don't think it's a good message to give a child that she must eat every last scrap of food on her plate or in her lunchbox, otherwise it's a 'waste' and cause for punishment. I find that quite odd actually.

[Hulababy]

I often leave my crust on packaged bread. Unless it is super super fresh it isn;t very nice, even worse when been left hanging around all morning in a packed lunch.

Not sure why her age is relevent to what she doesn't like to eat.

And yes, in most schools children are not allowed to throw away food waste from packed lunch. It has to go home with them.

[childfreeatm]

I'm a crust eater and I think YABU. If she genuinely doesn't like crusts (it doesn't sound like an attention thing) don't force her to eat them.

[NotaDisneyMum]

Ok, now I feel rather attacked - I've been called stupid, a bully and a pissed off teenager!

I canvassed opinion here - have renegotiated with DD based on the feedback I received and I am still being insulted.

Thanks to those who gave their constructive comments - by listening to you, maybe I'll get it right one day

[NotaDisneyMum]

Lonnie - that's exactly what she did this morning; she's happy, the crusts can be used for something else and shes learning how to be more independent too - thanks.

[exoticfruits]

Don't take it personally NotaDisneyMum-you did put it on AIBU-one to keep off! (I appear to be the only person who likes the crust best and buys crusty bread especially!)

[Lonnie]

Pleased you. Have found a solution

[ZombiePlan]

Pleased you seem to have resolved crustgate, but am a bit concerned about your attitude of "she only gets to pick and choose what she eats if/when she pays for it". 10yo children don't actually have their own incomes, so how can they pay for things? TBH that phrase kind of translates as "I'm going to make you do xxxx, because you don't have the ability to stop me". Which might work now, but what are you going to do when she's a bit older? Will you suddenly permit all sorts of previously forbidden activities as soon as she turns 13 and gets a Saturday job?

[NotaDisneyMum]

I meant, for instance, that I wouldn't be buying thick strawberry Greek yoghurt for her just because she likes it - the yoghurts I buy for the family are perfectly adequate for her. If she wants to spend her pocket money on it, though, then that's fine - just in the same way as some DC buy sweets

I'm not going to add special things just for her to the shopping list just because she wants it - she gets to choose the type of breakfast cereal she has, or what cake I make for lunchboxes for the week - but I'm not going to buy wafer-thin ham for her (crustless) school sandwiches no matter how much she asks for it.

[charliejosh]

YABU and extreme, no wonder she has to sneak them in to the bin.
When I was in primary school my mum always sent us hippy style health food and we were picked on for having granola bars in our lunchboxes etc.

[kittens]

My MIL is 79 and she thinks its the height of bad manners to serve sandwiches with crusts!!