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AIBU?

To think that my mum should get rid of her cats as DS is allergic to them and can't visit her

199 replies

numsmetter · 27/06/2011 16:04

DS (3) is allergic to cats, he can't be in a house where one lives without his face & eyes swelling up. My mum has 2 cats so we can't visit her and I don't like the idea of giving him antihistamine medication so we can visit (DH takes them for hayfever and they make him quite drowsy).

DD goes to stay at her Grandma's house but DS will never get the chance unless she gets rid of her cats. I've asked her whether she would be prepared to and she says perhaps but that she wouldn't be able to find anyone to have them, I get the feeling she doesn't really want to as she is quite happy with things the way they are.

I respect her wishes but can't help feeling sad that DS is going to have no memories of going to visit his Grandma, AIBU?

OP posts:

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hester · 27/06/2011 16:05

YANBU to be sad. YABU to think she 'should' get rid of them.

A sad situation for you all.

Flisspaps · 27/06/2011 16:06

YABU, I am sure he will have lots of other lovely memories of times with his Grandma.

prettyfly1 · 27/06/2011 16:06

Afraid I think yabu. I appreciate your son has allergies but if her cats have been with her a long time they are her pets and will be difficult to rehouse - she probably loves them and asking her to get rid so you can come round sometimes is unreasonable.

Lorenz · 27/06/2011 16:07

I think she should get rid of them for the sake of her grandson.

It's only a cat. They don't give a shit where they live as long as they're fed etc.

YANBU

Riveninside · 27/06/2011 16:07

Yabu. They are her companions. There are non drowsy antihistamibe tablets you know.

MotherPanda · 27/06/2011 16:07

YABU, you can get non drowsy antihistamines - they might even have some especially for children. Ask your pharmacist.

I assume your Mum lives alone? Thats quite a cruel request, considering your DS wouldn't be visiting every day.

nickelbabe · 27/06/2011 16:08

yabu to think your mum should get rid of her cats.

can she hoover before you come round and then put the cats in another room, maybe?

tazmin · 27/06/2011 16:08

no she shouldnt get rid of them

bubblecoral · 27/06/2011 16:09

Yanbu to be sad that your ds can't stay with his Gran, but yabu to think she should get rid of them.

They are her pets, and she has a responsibility to them. I wouldn't want to get rid of my dog in her position, but I would make the effort to spend time with my grandchildren in other ways. I think as long as she is doing that, you can't really complain.

RevoltingPeasant · 27/06/2011 16:09

[shoc] YABU, massively.

It's only a cat - well obviously not to the owner! People often really love their pets. Unless you are proposing to give your DS every day as substitute companionship, you can't really expect her to be lonely on a regular basis for periodic visits

numsmetter · 27/06/2011 16:10

She lives 10 mins away so we would visit her all the time. She has tried hoovering but it just doesn't help.

I'm not planning to ask her again, just wanted some opinions really

OP posts:

BabyDubsEverywhere · 27/06/2011 16:10

YABVU

TheOriginalFAB · 27/06/2011 16:12

YABU.

You can still help him make memories. There is a whole world out there that the pair of them could discover.

Why should your mother get rid of her pets for the sake of your child visiting once a month or whenever?

minipie · 27/06/2011 16:12

Yes YABU. The cats were there before DS. To her they are very important, she loves them, and she made a commitment to look after them when she got them. You can't expect her to just "get rid" of them.

It's not like your DS will never see his GM.

Possible solutions: Could your mother keep some rooms cat free (eg living room and one bedroom) so that your DS can visit more easily? Could you investigate non drowsy antihistamines?

altinkum · 27/06/2011 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopeForTheBest · 27/06/2011 16:13

YABU.
It's unfortunate, but unless you were expecting her to take on childcare for you, I'm sure they will be able to do lots of fun things together anyway, just not in her house.
DS's allergy may lessen as he gets older, the cats will not live forever.

What do you do about friends with cats? Will he never be able to visit certain people because of this?

CMOTdibbler · 27/06/2011 16:13

yabvu - theres great non drowsy antihistamines out there, but you could also visit in the garden when popping round

LaurieFairyCake · 27/06/2011 16:13

Well if she only lives ten minutes away then she can come to you.

Be honest, you're just pissed off you can't have both of them stay there for babysitting

I wouldn't get rid of my cat even if dd was allergic to it.

numsmetter · 27/06/2011 16:14

No he can't go round to some of his friends houses as they have cats

OP posts:

numsmetter · 27/06/2011 16:15

Ha! No really it's not about babysitting, he just cries his eyes out when DD goes and he's not allowed

OP posts:

HopeForTheBest · 27/06/2011 16:16

I think you should look into non-drowsy antihistamines, as otherwise isn't that going to be extremely limiting? (I'm just thinking of all the people we know with cats, which is loads).

Kvetch · 27/06/2011 16:17

YABU.

You "don't want" to medicate your child with a standard medcine which has been used by millions for decades just because it may make him sleepy. Clearly YOU'VE made no effort to resolve YOUR problem or you'd know that there are alternative, non-drowsy anti-allergens on the market. Instead you selfishly expect someone else to abandon her pets to solve YOUR problem.

That's fine then, here's the solution to YOUR problem - accept that you can't take your child to Grandma's. Accept too that her cats are a lifetime commitment just as your son is and shouldn't be "got rid of". Sorted.

If you were my relative you'd no longer be welcome anyway.

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numsmetter · 27/06/2011 16:17

I'll deffo have a look into them

OP posts:

DooinMeCleanin · 27/06/2011 16:18

YABVU. I am allergic to my mum's long haired cat. I would never in a million years even tell her how ill he makes me feel at times, let alone ask her to get rid of him. It would break her heart.

Do you hve pets op? They become so much more than 'just an animal', they become your family. It's possible that your ds will outgrow his allergy at some point.

EdnaTheInebriate · 27/06/2011 16:18

Well hopefully he will grow out of it - Dh did - he was allergic as a child / young teen to cats, rats and all manner of fur. He's fine now and we have a managerie....

Anti histamines are a good solution - DS1 takes them for his severe hay fever and they really help - the one a day ones.

Parents make sacrifices for their children- but you really can't expect grandparents to do the same - she might never forgive you deep down....

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