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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my mum should get rid of her cats as DS is allergic to them and can't visit her

199 replies

numsmetter · 27/06/2011 16:04

DS (3) is allergic to cats, he can't be in a house where one lives without his face & eyes swelling up. My mum has 2 cats so we can't visit her and I don't like the idea of giving him antihistamine medication so we can visit (DH takes them for hayfever and they make him quite drowsy).

DD goes to stay at her Grandma's house but DS will never get the chance unless she gets rid of her cats. I've asked her whether she would be prepared to and she says perhaps but that she wouldn't be able to find anyone to have them, I get the feeling she doesn't really want to as she is quite happy with things the way they are.

I respect her wishes but can't help feeling sad that DS is going to have no memories of going to visit his Grandma, AIBU?

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 27/06/2011 18:55

My cats can totally top that zukie. One of mine catches bats for fun - bet your kids can't move that quick. Oh and they could all walk then they were only DAYS old....

SpringHeeledJack · 27/06/2011 18:55

I'm afraid YABU

if you don't want to give ds antihistamines, get your mum over to yours, meet her out- whatever. But whatever you do, try not to pass any resentment you might feel towards your mum on to ds. Just explain that he can't go because of the cats, but that he gets to do lots of lovely things with Nana (try to make sure,between you and your mum, that they do 'special' stuff without dd? -otherwise it may look as though she's somehow being favoured)

Goblinchild · 27/06/2011 18:59

You can meet in other places, or at your house.
If I had a child with allergies, I'd think seriously about rehoming, or not acquiring one in the first place.
But if I had a grandchild come along, I'd finds ways around having to get rid of a beloved pet when I could think of other solutions.

zukiecat · 27/06/2011 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 27/06/2011 19:03

Smile your cats sound great... i love mine to bits - people who say cats don't have much personality have never spent much time with a cat - they are amazing

(your kids sounds great too - but a kitten that showers wins hands down) Grin

SchrodingersMew · 27/06/2011 19:05

OP, that is a horrid request. YABVU!

If you don't want to give your DS antihistamines that's fair enough but you cannot expect your Mum to give up her pets because you have decided not to give him them. Antihistamines are quite safe and you can get non drowsy versions as well.

I can't even believe you have to ask if you are being UR!

Zukiecat Trust you to be on another bloody cat thread! Wink

nulgirl · 27/06/2011 19:11

Yanbu. My parents would definitely get rid of their cars if they affected my dcs health. We are a close family and spend lots of time at each others houses. Meeting at a cafe or park does not foster the close relationship that we have. My parents love having the kids to stay and we quite often all stay at theirs even though we only live 10 minutes away. I honestly can't understand why people would put their cat before their own health and the health of the children.

birdofthenorth · 27/06/2011 19:12

YABU. DH has bad cat allergies & my 2 BFs (DD's Godmothers) have cats so we can't stay there. It's awkward & sad but that's the way it is. They come to us or we go away together. DH jokes he would like to shoot the cats. He is joking Smile

I have two (non-allergenic) dogs & if a relative asked me to get rid of them I'd be seriously offended. In fact SIL once said "it's a shame you rushed into getting dogs & can't visit us as much" & I am STILL offended (there was no rushing in & we love the dogs) 3 years later!!!

zukiecat · 27/06/2011 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 27/06/2011 19:12

You know though nulgirl I bet they wouldnt get rid of their cars, which do, undoubtly affect your DCs health

OldMacEIEIO · 27/06/2011 19:15

If its all about memories, why not take him around right now ?

he will sneeze a bit, his eyeballs will get red and itchy, then his head will swell into a pus-filled pustule, just waiting to be squeezed.

he wont forget THAT in a hurry , will he ?

Iteotwawki · 27/06/2011 19:16

Sigh. Not all allergies are solved with one non drowsy tablet. Personally I wouldn't want to medicate my child on a daily basis for something non essential if there were an alternative. Not all antihistamines are safe either (anyone remember terfenadine? Tradename was Triludan - touted as a safe once daily antihistamine, withdrawn from the market after some years when it was realised it caused sudden death).

If you give me a "minute amount" of nut to desensitise me it will have me in hospital on an adrenaline infusion - anaphylaxis isn't dose dependent.

Some allergies are made worse by repeated exposure not better.

There was a fad in the 80s for hayfever desensitisation injections. They had to stop them after a few people died.

Parents whose children are referred to ENT with continual allergic rhinitis or to paeds with asthma are advised to rehome any pets.

But then when people continue to smoke and have children of course there will be some who will refuse to rehome their pets even though they make the child ill - because their wants come first. Sorry, I find that selfish.

However, these aren't the OP's cats, but her mother's. So although if it were me and my grandson I'd rehome the animals without being asked, I think it's unreasonable of the OP to expect it.

eurochick · 27/06/2011 19:19

YABvU. They are part of her family. Treat your son or get her to visit you.

ohokthen · 27/06/2011 19:21

I grew up with cats, and at about 8 years old developed a horrible allergy to them. I used to suffer terrible nosebleeds that at 1 stage lasted for days. And terrible itchy eyes, red, swollen eyes. Itchy skin.As well as the constant sneezing. At the time I was prescribed Triludan. Which I think was one of the 1st antihistimines on the market. As i grew older just dusting set it all off.

At the time we had 4 cats, I remember it being breifly discussed and dimissed us getting rid of the cats. You just learn to live with it and you learn how to handle the symptons. Later on in my early 20's I developed astma.

You can grow out of it. And you can develop an immune system to it. I did. I also learnt to wash hands regular. And not touch my face after handling them.

Since leaving home, On 2 seperate occasions have had a cat. And again built up an immune system both times, and again wash hands.

My own son, has also developed an allergy, and has learnt how to deal with it from him being 2 and at 4 years, We got a cat - sadly no longer with us.

Our whole family except us, has cats in 2's or 3's. Lol I would never dream of asking them to get rid.

At the moment I cant be bothered with one, but may well get one in the future.

We have a dog, who's whiskers I am allergic too and a indoor rabbit who I am also allergic to.

Personally ged a grip, get over yourself and please let your son go round. And get him some tablets.

CelebratedMonkey · 27/06/2011 19:24

OP, I think YABU though I know how you feel. I have a fur/feather allergy and my in-laws have a cat and don't even vacuum before I go round. My eyes get very sore and then I get wheezy. But I'm only there for a bit and know how to be careful (ie don't rub eyes when possible!). I don't begrudge them a pet. Also, I just think they can't/don't comprehend what it's actually like living with an allergy. I suspect they think 'oh she just has the sniffles' and don't realise my eyes are itching like mad, that I can barely breathe, that my throat is scratchy and that my legs itch.

I would try your son with antihistamines and see how he gets on - if he can't be in the same house, don't tell her to get rid but just say it makes him too ill. Maybe the medication will make short visits bearable for him.

But generally people should remember that allergies vary even among sufferers of the same allergy! I have a hamster despite my allergy because I'm prepared to cope with the sniffles (also note it's never gone away, I haven't become immune despite exposure). I would never presume that because I could cope than my kid automatically could too. Those of you with cats who say you wouldn't rehome - even if your kids' allergies were worse than yours, and not really manageable with medication? Not everyone gets desensitised over time.

TidyDancer · 27/06/2011 19:25

Stunned by some of the horrible posts on this thread. There are some people here who clearly are not animal lovers. I really wish I was surprised by that.

Hopefully the OP will have disappeared knowing how unreasonable she was being, and again hopefully, some of the views on this thread will die a death. I suspect I'm wrong though.

CelebratedMonkey · 27/06/2011 19:27

Okay, so I have only had pets with relatively short lifespans, but I have never been desensitised to a pet's allergens, so I wish my allergic counterparts wouldn't suggest it can happen so easily for people.

birdofthenorth · 27/06/2011 19:28

YANBU about the antihistamines though. DSS had awful hayfever as an infant, regularly woke up with eyes glued together with weepy goo, only thing that cured it was a serious antiH but we hated making him drowsy (& he was later diagnosed with autism- almost certainly unrelated, but one if a zillion things that now niggle in the back of our minds that might have had an influence -all stupidly, & no doubt it's just genes & bad luck). Anyway his hayfever got MUCH better after he reached about 6 so perhaps your DS's allergies will improve with time too.

Katisha · 27/06/2011 19:34

Vacuuming doesnt make much difference . The dander is in the underlay and in the soft furnishings in general. So putting the cat outside/in a different room won't really help either. We don't stay at holiday places that welcome pets for this reason - DH would be in misery the whole time.

Fernier · 27/06/2011 19:37

well you cant really ask het to get rid of them although tbh if it was a choice between not having my grandson to stay and rehoming my cats (not throwing them out in the streets mind you) then I cant imagine choosing the cats.

ohokthen · 27/06/2011 19:40

Triludan may have been withdrawn, but I took them for years and Im sure many other hundreds of thousands of folk did as well

LillianGish · 27/06/2011 19:46

How bad is the allergy? I must say I was a bit Hmm about cat allergies until I saw what happened to my friend's dd when she stroked a cat in the street. Her eyes swelled up like golf balls - it was really rather alarming and it took until the following day for the symptoms to subside - even with anti-histamines. I must say it seems a bit unreasonable to expect her to get rid of her cats - especially when she only lives ten minutes away and she could easily come to you of course if she wants ds to come to her house then it's up to her to rethink I don't think yabu not to allow ds to go there.

mousymouse · 27/06/2011 19:54

I am shockec at the "just give your dc meds and get on with it" posts.
allergies are not just itchy eyes for most people, the reaction can make you feel really miserable.
and for those who say "just vacuum and put the cat into another room" that is really a daft idea!

catgirl1976 · 27/06/2011 19:57

They do make you miserable, but often meds will allieviate the symptoms and take away or lessen the "misery"

If the allergy isn't life threatening it is not right to limit a DCs life in order to avoid some discomfort. Desensitisation often works with cat allergies and hopefully he will just grow out of it

I am sure he would rather try the anti-histamines and be able to visit his friends and grandmother than not and spend his life not being able to do things in case it triggers his allergies.

Blu · 27/06/2011 20:14

"I am shockec at the "just give your dc meds and get on with it" posts.
allergies are not just itchy eyes for most people, the reaction can make you feel really miserable."

It can. Which is why it is a good idea to take anti-histamines. Then you can get on with your life free of misery and discomfort - if the problem is a routine pet allergy / hat fever etc. Of course serious anaphalactic shock reactions are a differnt level of reaction, and some people don't get relief from anti-histamines, but if you do, why not use them in order to correct what is actually a mis-reaction by the body?

I have cat allergy, I take anti-histamine if I am going to a cat house, problem sorted. Ditto for DS.