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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my DH ?

76 replies

FullSummer · 26/06/2011 22:59

10.45 On a Sunday evening:

I am preparing lessons for tomorrow. Made sure DD had shower/washed hair by 9 and asked her to go to bed then.

10.30 DD and DH are still listening to a loud live concert. It disturbs my lesson prep and I know for a fact that family next door with two young children are disturbed if we play loud music. Mum next door is lovely, does not get enough sleep. I have told DH this many times. But, he persists in playing loud music at the time our DDs and DCs next door need to go to bed.

If I ever ask him to tunr down music because children don't sleep he says ' yes they can' that's it. No discussion or consideration of others. This evening hen I said DDneeded to go to bed as she had school tomorrow he said 'so what, you're a Victoran'

Loud music is fine.Just not after 9 if you have children in your house and next door. Especially if school next day. AIBU and unreasonable ?

OP posts:
Original poster
FullSummer · 26/06/2011 23:34

Thanks for replies. DH shouts at me if I ask him to turn down music. AIBU if I ask him to agree to only listen to music on headphones if it's after 9.30 and school next day ?

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 26/06/2011 23:37

would be tempted to go with pollyblue's advice...

skybluepearl · 26/06/2011 23:38

he sounds like a right toss*r

skybluepearl · 26/06/2011 23:38

is he always this self centred?

Maryz · 26/06/2011 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenguinArmy · 26/06/2011 23:39

In our house, loud music was played as a form of abuse and I'm sure you're neighbours (and yourself) can't be feeling too far from that pov

storytopper · 26/06/2011 23:39

9.30 curfew for loud music is perfectly reasonable - as you say, he always has the option of headphones. And he shouldn't be undermining you after you have told your DD to go to bed as there is school tomorrow. Trying to be the cool dad at Mum's expense?

AnyFucker · 26/06/2011 23:42

my father used to do this

it was a form of control and a "fuck you" message

OP, is he a sadistic bastard in other ways ?

short tempered, critical, has to have all hos won way or the whole pays ?

do you walk on eggshells in fear of provoking a temper tantrum, stoney diregard or fit of the sulks ?

you sound rather tentative and in awe of him

he isn't the boss of your house, you know

GreenEyesandHam · 26/06/2011 23:42

Are you for real OP?

If he wants to listen to music, and you don't (no matter what time of day) he uses earphones. If it's going to affect the neighbours, he uses earphones.

If he wants to 'shout at you', you use the earphones.

AnyFucker · 26/06/2011 23:43

short tempered, critical, has to have all hos won way or the whole pays ?

bloody hell, completely mistyped that

I meant to type "has to have all his own way or the whole family pays?"

hester · 26/06/2011 23:44

Is this symptomatic of his attitudes and behaviour overall, OP?

SinicalSal · 26/06/2011 23:45

Fucking hell OP, he sounds horrible to live with. Sad

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 23:47

We had neighbours like this for a long time and they made our life hell!

The music always seemed to go on at about 9 or 10pm when everyone else wanted to go to bed.

I think YABU and just as bad as your DH for not unplugging it when you know it disturbs your neighbours.

hester · 27/06/2011 00:14

Does the OP feel able to unplug it, though?

LeaveYourDignityAtTheDoor · 27/06/2011 00:15

OP, if I lived next door I would have already called the police in regards to the music.

Its disrespectful to those who live near you and it can't be good for your DD, especially if she is trying to sleep.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2011 00:16

hester, after her subsequent posts, unfortunately I think not Sad

viewsrequired · 27/06/2011 00:21

OP - he sounds a bit like my DH. Not easy. I hear where you are coming from. It's a constant battle. Personally, I would not be able to unplug - or rather, if I did, he would shout, dcs would be upset, whole family would be rowing.

Jux · 27/06/2011 00:28

He IBU. And you need to think carefully about what positives he brings to family life.

I would be begging my neighbour to report him, in fact, I'd report him myself.

IRCL · 27/06/2011 00:33

How old is he?! Sounds like a teenager. And a knob.

YADNBU, Just considerate.

He however needs to grow up. Loud music so late? Sounds like a neighbour from hell.

SchrodingersMew · 27/06/2011 00:35

OP, if you do infact feel unable to unplug something in your own home for reasons that are considered anti-social then you shouldn't be with your DH.

If I was in this situation (and I have been in very similar with my ex) I think I would risk being shouted at as I would probably just picture the poor neighbour having to put up with her children not sleeping for reasons completely beyond her control.

It would be a different issue altogether if you felt physically threatened.

biscuitmad · 27/06/2011 01:20

Sit him down without the children around and tell him that he needs to listen to you. If he starts then say okay what do you want me to do give up my job? Can we survive on one wage?

Tell him you need peace and quite to concentrate on your work. You will not allow him to break your rules.

When he plays the music too loud go upstairs open the window, then go down unplug the machine and take it away. When he says what are you doing, tell him your taking it upstairs and its going to be thrown out of the window. Love to see his face.

outnumbered2to1 · 27/06/2011 01:27

cut the fecking plug off the stereo !!!!! inconsiderate selfish knob...

Original poster
FullSummer · 27/06/2011 07:26

I really appreciate all these replies. I just expected a couple of people to tell me I was being U and that's it. I am glad I am not the only one who finds loud music at home difficult. I mean, after 8pm if you and neighbours have children. As I said, he tends to play it at that time when he could have played it any other time.

He is 50. He grew up in a small village in a country which was very conservative at the time. Playing loud music was a way of letting people know you were rebelling. We live in London now. The houses have thin walls and we are parents. I think he needs to change.

Also, those who wondered if he is like this about other things. Yes, he is. The common theme is anything which is to do with considering how others around him might feel.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/06/2011 07:30

So he's basically always an entirely selfish tosser, on the basis that "his parents were a bit strict", then?

FFS. What an arse. And you live with this?

Iteotwawki · 27/06/2011 07:33

He is being totally unreasonable and a selfish pillock.

I used to live next door to someone who played loud music without a thought for the neighbours until all hours. Difference is, he was 15.

He stopped when I put the baby into the room with the party wall adjoining his room and he got woken up at 2am and 5.30 every morning :)