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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious with the way partner spoke to child

66 replies

Firky · 26/06/2011 22:26

He called my 13 year old dd a stupid fucking bitch .She had however locked him in the shed .
he is a step parent and spent all off 3 minutes in there.

OP posts:
ihatecbeebies · 26/06/2011 22:27

nope your not unreasonable at all he is, are you going to speak to him and explain how you feel about it?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 26/06/2011 22:28

He should not have called her a stupid fucking bitch.

She should not have locked him in the shed.

Are there problems between them?

HidinginaHardHat · 26/06/2011 22:28

YABU.

I'd fully expect DP to rant at my DC if similar occurred here. I would, however, expect them to sort it out rationally after DP had been unlocked from said shed...

ihatecbeebies · 26/06/2011 22:28

Did dd do it deliberately or was it an accident?

RevoltingPeasant · 26/06/2011 22:28

YANBU but locking him in the shed is pretty extreme at 13 - presumably a joke that backfired? Confused

HerBeX · 26/06/2011 22:29

Hmm. You don't give enough info

How long has he been your partner and known your child?
Does he habitually speak to her like this?
What happened afterwards (did he apologise, realise he was out of order etc.)?

bubblecoral · 26/06/2011 22:33

He was no more out of order than your dd tbh. What she did was deliberately horrible, and she is old enough to take full responsibility for what she dis. However, that does not excuse your dp, no child deserves to be called that by an adult that they should be able to trust.

I'd say there are some major issues between your dd and dh, and you should think about ways to sort that.

InsomniaQueen · 26/06/2011 22:37

Not at all - girls learn to love and be loved by the men in their lives!!! If my husband ever spoke to me like that I would totally lose it......that kind of language to a 'child' isn't necessary.

Accepted she shouldnt have locked him in and maybe you need to speak to her about why she did it and explain that what she did was wrong. But on the flip side your partner needs to watch what he says because teenage girls tend to hold onto these things and you don't want it becoming a massive confrontation down the line.

Original poster
Firky · 26/06/2011 22:41

its such a long story.Im not sure where to begin.He has been my partner for 6 or 7 years.He has lived with us for the last 2.

She has always disliked him to a degree.
Sometimes I feel they are equally jealous of each other.

Its not the first time he's spoken to her in a way i think is unacceptable for an adult to speak to a child.

OP posts:
Hassled · 26/06/2011 22:41

"Stupid fucking bitch" to a 13 year old is bad, bad, bad. I feel for you - when DH and I first got together, he and DD didn't exactly hit it off. And while I know she was completely bloody horrendous at times, only I'm allowed to say that. He is not allowed to say that. Any hint of a criticism from him and my hackles would rise.

How long have you been together? If it helps, DD and DH get on very well now - she and DS1 were witnesses at our wedding. But it did take time. And a lot of me feeling like a peacekeeping force.

OpusProSerenus · 26/06/2011 22:45

I agree that no-one should speak to another like that in a perfect world but you don't seem to have acknowledged your daughter's bad behaviour at all OP which is maybe why your partner is so frustrated and angry. They are both wrong and you should make that very clear to BOTH of them.

TheSecondComing · 26/06/2011 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HidinginaHardHat · 26/06/2011 22:47

Stay impartial on this one see how they sort it between themselves.

BrigitBigKnickers · 26/06/2011 22:47

He is the adult.
She is a child who did something very silly.
Children are silly.
Grown-ups shouldn't be.
Calling a child the f word followed by the c word is never acceptable under any circumstances.
Being cross is fine in these circumstances but the swearing is not.

Original poster
Firky · 26/06/2011 22:47

he called my son a dickhead once too.

This happened several days a go and since the huge row that ensued he has hidden himself away in the bedroom smoking and drinking.

He knows how much i hate him smoking in the bedroom.

OP posts:
Hassled · 26/06/2011 22:49

It sounds like you have more than the one issue with him. Can you see a way forwards?

Original poster
Firky · 26/06/2011 22:49

Just to clarify,she was punished for doing it.

OP posts:
HerBeX · 26/06/2011 22:49

They're equally jealous of each other?

Sorry but adults don't get to be equally anything with a child. He's an adult, he should behave like one. She's a 13 year old kid, they're supposed to be a PITA, it's in the job description. You shouldn't have to be adjudicating between them, that's what you do for 2 children, not one adult one child.

HerBeX · 26/06/2011 22:50

Your DS locked himself in the room and smoked or your DP did?

Original poster
Firky · 26/06/2011 22:53

partner is smoking.Whats a pita?

OP posts:
EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 26/06/2011 22:53

Is your DP 17? If so he's not BU. Otherwise, he needs to grow the fuck up.

Original poster
Firky · 26/06/2011 22:54

he shouted stupid fucking bitch in her face

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 26/06/2011 22:54

Id sack him, pack his fucking bags and kick him out.

That is not acceptable. Even if he was her real father I'd fuck him off too.

HidinginaHardHat · 26/06/2011 22:55

Is this one of those "drip drip drip" type threads?

Original poster
Firky · 26/06/2011 22:56

I could list loads of stuff he does I dont like.I think im just venting here because I think we could have reached the end of the line and im trying to clarify whats not acceptable and whats me being over protective/sensitive.

OP posts:
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