to be furious with the way partner spoke to child

[Firky]

He called my 13 year old dd a stupid fucking bitch .She had however locked him in the shed .
he is a step parent and spent all off 3 minutes in there.

Like Lola, I would have big problems with a man who used that language to any female.

Doesn't sound like a very happy household (to put it mildly).

You don't like your son smoking in the bedroom (drinking is ok with you then?).

It's all getting out of control....and it needs to stop.
You need some basic rules...and you need to enforce them.

Your partner is acting like a child....he's in a difficult situation (granted) but should be handling things in a far more mature way.

It's the partner who was smoking and drinking in the bedroom, not the son.

Oh I see.............

Well...methinks he needs to go.

It's like having an extra teenager in the house......

OP, it sounds like you realise that this man is no good. He is nasty to your children and they should be your absolute priority. They need to know that their mum always has their backs. At the moment you are letting this awful man treat them like shit. He needs to go, before your kids decide to leave you to it!

It's weak to say he always talks you round. When he is out today, pack all his stuff and put it outside. Get a locksmith in to change the lock if he's likely to kick off and maybe have a friend there to support you. Every time you feel weak, think of how much happier your children will be without this arsehole in their house. They've already lost one parent, step up and be the mother they deserve

Oh no, that is terrible. How awful.

Next time you meet someone & your daughter or son hates them (even just a little), listen to that.

Not criticizing here, but just want to say that children are good judges of people sometimes.

Sorry but your dcs come first. He sounds like a cocklodger IMO. I could be wrong though

what is this with people and this drip drip drip thing its quite pathetic trying to control all aspects of a persons contributions to their thread. if people ask for more info and then its provided why do people then come on going on about dripping gah. op really you know him talking to you daughter this way is wrong and more it is going to harm your relationship with your daughter because you are letting him. this is going to have to come to a head i think. any man that was a good and decent man would not talk to a child that way.

When I was in my teens my mum had a partner who treated my brother and me in the way you've described.

Our relationship with our mother has never recovered from the sense of betrayal that we felt, because she allowed her feelings for someone to over -ride her feelings for us. All children need to have at least one person who values them above anyone else, and who will always fight their corner.

He sounds like a jealous, spoiled brat. You need to tell him to leave, and you need to let your children know that he left because you will not allow anyone to treat them badly. You also need to make sure that you do not let them see if you are upset or miss him, because they don't need to feel that guilt.

you should lock him back in the shed

He was so unreasonable. Very. Get rid.

Your daughter should not be locking people in a shed at 13. I am surprised she would dare do such a thing. Trouble teens yes, locking people in sheds? Erm... no.

Sorry but if my DP spoke to my son or daughter like that he'd be a gonna.

Your children should come first.

"Deliberately horrible"?

"Pack his bags"?

YANBU - fine to be annoyed, tell her off etc. However, swearing agressively in her face is totally out of order and shows that he has lost control.

He's being horrible to your children - reason enough to send him packing.