Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

was only being friendly/neighbourly but man misunderstood/has chip on his shoulder

92 replies

paisleyII · 26/06/2011 19:29

back from work this afternoon, went to supermarket, crossed road, halfway across there is a bench - someone (a large man) was sitting on the bench tucking into a large tub of icecream with a spoon - i said to him with a smile 'that looks nice' as it was hot and he was eating ice cream - to my surprise he looked up and instead of ie smiling and saying something like 'yes, isn't it hot' etc he said with a kind of smile (quote) 'i don't give a shit....' i was flumoxed, wtf? i was just being friendly, i often chat to strangers, then as i walked back to the car i realised that he must have thought i was being sarcastic, making some reference to the fact that he was (very) fat and he was tucking into a large tub of ice cream - there is no way i would ever do something like that, i am still mortified when it comes into my head that he would think that. clearly he has a chip on his shoulder, probably from being bullied over the years about his weight. if i had realised at the time what he meant i would probably have said something so he knew i was referring to the nice ice cream he was eating as i was hot etc, i feel innocently horrible now

OP posts:

prettybird · 27/06/2011 12:44

It was a passing pleasantry from someone who was feeling good about he world. She was most denifitely not BU.

I once said to someone, when I was alone on on holiday in Greece (and actaully feeling quite lonely) "that sounds dedicated" on overhearing him talking about having called in to the office.

I ended going out with him for 2 years.

It's how you make friends. Everyone is a stranger until you first talk.

BTW: the other guy was also NBU to be upset - the risk when you do make a comment is that you catch someone in an "off" moment. But the world would be a sadder place if you never attempted to interact for fear of it being an off moment. To put it from a different perspective, you might have made someone's day by something some pleasant to them :)

jetsetlil · 27/06/2011 12:46

I never knew it was rude to comment on peoples food apart from the obvious like saying "that looks disgustin" or "should you be eating that". Surely saying that something looks nice isn't insulting?! Its Excessive sensitivity.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 27/06/2011 12:49

don't worry, his reaction is his responsibility, it is nice that you chat to people, helps make the world a more friendly place (apart from the odd person who has their own issues)

supercal · 27/06/2011 12:51

But commenting on someone's food -when that person was quietly sitting by themselves - is bound to make the self conscious, regardless of their weight!

'That looks nice'

'Er yes, it is. Now I'm just going to carry on eating it, knowing you are watching me'

Not really a fantastic conversation opener, is it?

I get that it was meant to be harmless, but it would make me rankle

And the detail about the LARGE tub of ice cream is deffo U

jetsetlil · 27/06/2011 13:08

I don't think it was mean't to start a conversation - it was just an innoent comment as she walked by. i doubt she planned to stand and watch him eat it.

supercal · 27/06/2011 13:12

fair point, jetsetill.

But the Op seems to think that a comment like this would lift a 'lonely misfit''s day

Why? It's not really a compliment is it?

belgo · 27/06/2011 13:41

no it wasn't a compliment. It was a patronising comment.

MrsKravitz · 27/06/2011 13:41

Really, no one is saying anyone shouldnt be friendly. Just that, as was pretty obvious by the man's response, commenting on random strangers' food can be a no-go area. Fine to go on being open and friendly . Not fine to realise from this experience that commenting on people's food can be considered rude.

Laquitar · 27/06/2011 14:00

I'm surprised that noone has said that the man maybe was in a shit mood.

Maybe he would have reacted the same if you said 'nice shoes' ?

Kallista · 27/06/2011 14:10

I talk to people eg in the shops - only if they start the conversation though; or if it's a mutual thing. I'm naturally cynical & wary of others but am off work sick and a bit lonely atm. Also i've learnt to smile at & make eye contact with people which is confidence building and a good skill for my work.
BUT - just be very careful, there's a lot of weirdos out there. You don't know anyone's backstory.
Paisely - you sound lovely - your response to that man's rude comment should have just been a shrug and 'whatever'.
It's his loss for being rude so forget about it and don't stop being a friendly person.
Just be a bit cautious too.

Hammy02 · 27/06/2011 14:10

I understand people that don't like people commenting on what they are eating. I used to work with someone that always asked what I was having for lunch and it used to drive me mad. It is as dull as commenting on the weather. Same reason as it was a running joke in the Royle Family that the mum always asked what people had had for their dinner. It was to show what a dull life she had.

belgo · 27/06/2011 14:10

Yes he probably was in a shit mood. And he was trying to cheer himself up with a whole tub of ice cream. Then his day gets worse when a stranger makes a patronising comment.

burgerclub · 27/06/2011 14:18

I love your persona. It's basically "I'm just a lovely simple friendly soul, and anyone who doesn't immediately warm to me is a miserable fucking cunt."

SherlockMoans · 27/06/2011 14:29

Well im not exactly a size 10 but if I were sitting eating ice cream and you said that I would just laugh. If you said "ooh are you sure you should be eating that" or "think of the calories" then I would be but I'd just think "snooty skinny smug" and give you a middle class passive agressive gritted teeth smile.

Please dont let this put you off, I live in a village and you tend to say hello to pretty much everyone you walk past. My nephew came over on the weekend and commented on how many people H "knows" but actually he probably had never spoken to many of them in his life before Saturday.

I can understand someone with an eating disorder being sensitive but are we meant to assume that everyone carrying a few extra pounds has a problem....Im sure many (including me) are quite comfortable as they are

I really do find the opinions of some of the people on this thread well quite.....odd to be honest. But then it AIBU so what should we expect - I think they sit like vultures waiting for the next thing they can be offended by.

supercal · 27/06/2011 14:45

at burgerclub

Original poster

paisleyII · 27/06/2011 18:51

burger - nah, you've got me totally wrong, friendly? yes, but lovely? certainly not, i am actually quite insecure and have had a pretty low opinion of myself so for someone (who doesn't know me from adam) to acuse me of thinking i am lovely is as far from the truth pretty much as you can get. i am pretty friendly though, that doesn't make me lovely, a cunt? possibly

OP posts:

redwineformethanks · 27/06/2011 20:49

I think it was a nice friendly chatty comment and his reaction was out of order

Flip

1 2 3 4