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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just been honest

73 replies

MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 09:59

Ive been really rude havent I? Again Blush
Someone asked me if I was going to go to a "mums luncheon" with the school mums and I replied "No". When asked why I said "because I dont want to".
Cue awkward silence

Damn my blunt honesty. IWBU wasnt I...should have made up some elaborate lie.

OP posts:
SockMunkee · 26/06/2011 10:00

Why should you lie?

ChocolateTeacup · 26/06/2011 10:00

I would have simply said I have other things on - in my head meaning coffee and biscuit in peace whilst the kids eat there lunch :o You were a bit blunt but never mind

Flisspaps · 26/06/2011 10:03

YANBU.

"Mum's Luncheon?" Hmm Can't stand the word luncheon, makes me think of luncheon meat.

I wouldn't want to go either. Well done for being honest.

Marshy · 26/06/2011 10:07

Who has a 'luncheon'? Not surprised you didn't want to go - sounds horrible. Maybe a bit blunt, but I would probably have said something similar

BrawToken · 26/06/2011 10:14

You sound like my friendGrin A londoner in Scotland and a lot of people don't get her - think Jo Brand type humour. My favourite was when she was asked if she was looking forward to the gymnastics (we were in the sports centre) by another, very gushy Mum, and she said something like, 'not really, I can't be arsed hanging around all day for it'. And off home she went, leaving us all open mouthed! The display was shit, I wish I'd gone with her. Sometimes, I worried about being guilty by association as she was avoided generally by the other Mums but she makes me laugh! Now our girls are teens (and still best mates, in fact her dd is here now), I wish I hadn't done so many things I hated PTA, birthday parties, myriad of after school activities etc.

I will take a leaf out of her (and yours MrsKravitz) book with dd2 who is 2yo and she is already being invited to nursery birthday parties fgs.

BulletWithAName · 26/06/2011 10:21

I would like to punch anyone who uses the word 'luncheon' so YANBU.

celticlassie · 26/06/2011 13:17

I did a similar thing once - my friend asked me if I wanted to see some photos of her (still new-ish) boyfriend's nieces and nephews. I really couldn't be arsed so replied "Not really, no." She thought I was joking though and showed them to me anyway... Hmm

Yekke · 26/06/2011 13:31

A woman after my own heart. :o

You were honest. What's the problem?

It only becomes a bit difficult when you announce your thoughts and then swan off leaving the friend you arrived with open-mouthed.

Yes, that's you Jackie, the woman who stopped an embarrassingly gushing twat of an interloper to our conversation in his tracks with a piercing stare and, "Well you're boring aren't you!" in your great Welsh accent.

crazynanna · 26/06/2011 13:36

When my friend pointed out her new boyfriend across the pub,I cheerfully told her "well,it just goes to show that looks really don't matter" Blush

seeker · 26/06/2011 13:36

Just so long as you don't come on here in 3 months time whining about how all the mums at school are cliquy and unfriendly.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 13:38

No chance of that seeker Grin

OP posts:
molemesseskilledIpom · 26/06/2011 13:41

OMG I love you!

I thought I was the only one who said things like that and then either get in trouble or feel guilty about it.

I was asked if I wanted to see some photos of some gig, someone went to a few years ago. Instead of saying a polite "no thank you" or just smiled and nodded, instead my mouth came out with "Nah, you're alright, nothing bores me more than seeing other people's holiday photos". Bless her, she laughed but I felt awful afterwards.

Omigawd · 26/06/2011 13:44

What Seeker said.

You absolutely have the right to be blunt, but others have the right to react....

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 26/06/2011 13:50

Sounds fine to me. You weren't rude. Rude would have been "With YOU? God no." or "Bloody hell, no. How boring"

What you said is the sort of thing I would say. It's honest.

I used to say "I don't care" when someone was telling me about something I didn't care about. I wasn't being rude. I just didn't care. My husband won't let me say it these days Grin So people now waste their time telling me stuff I don't give a shit about, while I nod vacently, wonder when the hell they are going to shut up and fuck off, and try to remember what I need from Tesco. You tell me, what's ruder? At least when I was 'allowed' to be honest and tell them I didn't care, we weren't wasting each other's time.

I still don't understand why you can't just be honest, but apparently you can't.

LolaRennt · 26/06/2011 13:51

I find many people who will tell you they are "refreshingly blunt" just don't care about others feelings. No need for you to go it sounds awful, but you really should have just said you were busy. Why make them aware that you don't want to spend time with them?

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 13:53

Believe me, I dont think I am "refreshingly blunt".

OP posts:
Yekke · 26/06/2011 13:54

And the rule book which says that one must tell lies and/or must care about others' feelings is where, exactly, Lola?

worraliberty · 26/06/2011 13:56

I don't think you're rude at all.

But that's because my reply would have been "No, I can't be arsed"

'Luncheon' does sound horribly pretentious Confused

LolaRennt · 26/06/2011 14:16

When did I say there was a rule book, I said people who think they are just being blunt actually don't care. So basically you agree with me?

Be an asshole in life go for it, personally I like being nice and having others return niceness. It works for me, all the people I know who are blunt to others are usually the biggest whiney bitches when anyone says anything to them though.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 14:17

Yep, that being nice is working well for you there lola

OP posts:
rookiemater · 26/06/2011 14:18

I think its rude because you are saying that basically you don't like the Mum's company and by inference you don't like her company.

I would have said something like, No I'm not going it's not really my sort of thing. That way you are putting the message across without being disrespectful to anyone, plus if you would rather see some of them on a one to one basis then you aren't closing that door.

LolaRennt · 26/06/2011 14:22

I'm nice and I won't hurt people's feeligns intentionally, yekke has stated you don't have to be kind to people. So I can assume they expect the same treatment. I wasn't rude to you, you asked an AIBU and I think you knew you had been rude or you wouldn't have asked it. I told you how I felt.

jetsetlil · 26/06/2011 14:44

i know two people who are blunt and honest to the point of rudeness and neither have got many friends.

Bonitas · 26/06/2011 15:01

I don't think you were rude - just honest.

I would have said the same. The trouble with making an "excuse" is you could be found out to be lying which then really does cause upset or people try and talk you round to going - which is tiresome.

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2011 15:05

Yes, you were rude

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