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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just been honest

73 replies

MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 09:59

Ive been really rude havent I? Again Blush
Someone asked me if I was going to go to a "mums luncheon" with the school mums and I replied "No". When asked why I said "because I dont want to".
Cue awkward silence

Damn my blunt honesty. IWBU wasnt I...should have made up some elaborate lie.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2011 15:07

"No thank you, not my sort of thing" would have been honest

seeker · 26/06/2011 15:07

I think you should do anything you can to avoid hurting other people's feelings. What's wrong with saying "Sorry, can't make it" rather than "Because I don;t want to"

Why upset other people for not good reason?

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:07

It would have been a lie .....lunches ARE my sort of thing.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2011 15:09

So why didn't you want to go?

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:09

I dont much like some of the women going (I didnt say that , that would have really been rude)

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 26/06/2011 15:15

Lola, I keep seeing people blast you on threads lately but I tend to think you are talking sense.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:16

I should reiterate it was accidental bluntness. I was sick of making up stories each time someone asked me.

OP posts:
honeyandsalt · 26/06/2011 15:21

People aren't idiots, they can read between the lines. The awkward silence came because the other mums read the implied dismissive, superior tone of your blunt response to their friendly query. It's tough to know what to say when someone's just been blindingly rude.

You shouldn't have lied either.

You should have gone for option C - "I don't think I'll be able to make this one". No further explanation required. It's called "tact".

honeyandsalt · 26/06/2011 15:23

...not that I've ever been accidently tactless in my life myself at all, you understand... :D

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:23

Wow, now my tone is being invented.

I was pushed into a "why" and my tone was not superior.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 26/06/2011 15:23

I much prefer people who tell a little white lie to save others' feelings. Far more civilised.

Last night I was at a party where three different people were independently hoping a certain person hadn't been invited because they so dislike her "refreshing honesty". She says things like "Anyway, this is boring me".

She hadn't been invited.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:24

I appreciate that honeyandsalt. Really I wasnt answering in a superior tone, truly.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:26

bibbity I would never do anything like that. That IS rude. Like I said, Im not "refreshingly honest". Just needed to engage brain before opening mouth on this occasion. (and sick of having to fabricate reasons as to why I wasnt going - had lots of pushing)

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 26/06/2011 15:27

MrsK, you opened your post with an acknowledgement that you were rude, so why the touchy replies to people confirming that yes, it sounds like you were?

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:28

No, I agree dirty. I should have made up a lie.

OP posts:
WilliamSonoma · 26/06/2011 15:33

Can I be your friend? Grin

Your response to the luncheon is the sort of thing that I would say, yet I get "told off" by my DH and my mother (I'm 31 fgs) for being "bolshy".

I honestly don't mean to be. I'm not a nasty person, and I try not to be rude, but I do like to tell it like it is. I don't like pussyfooting around to try and people please.

Thankfully most of my friends and my dad have a similar outlook on life.

YANBU.

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:37

I dont think Ive made any touchy replies to people suggesting I was rude. I just wanted to point out to one poster I am not one of those who thinks they are "refreshingly rude" and to another that I didnt respond in a superior tone.

I did a serious "shit, why did I say that?" right after I said it.

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 26/06/2011 15:39

Something in your tone now, on this thread, suggests to me that deep down you still think you should get credit for 'honesty' despite having unnecessarily made people feel bad when they had done nothing wrong.

It is possible to be honest with tact. You can choose to believe that your only error was to be too honest if you like, but the fact is there are ways of saying you don't want to do something in a tactful manner without 'making up a lie'.

seeker · 26/06/2011 15:42

You don't have to lie.

"Sorry, can't make it" is what grown ups say.

LolaRennt · 26/06/2011 15:49

Lola, I keep seeing people blast you on threads lately but I tend to think you are talking sense.

honeyandsalt · 26/06/2011 15:50

Maybe you should have said you were going for your smear? That'd'v stopped the questioning Grin

Original poster
MrsKravitz · 26/06/2011 15:52

I might use that one next time :)

OP posts:
TrilllianAstra · 26/06/2011 15:55

You may or may not have been rude, depends on the tone, and you can't really tell us what your tone was like.

But it is true that people who pride themselves on their "honesty" or "bluntness" are often just rude.

suzikettles · 26/06/2011 15:56

Well it's a lot less tiresome than my friend who gushes "ooh marvelous, really looking forward to it, gosh it'll be fab" about everything and then just doesn't bother to show up to the things she doesn't really fancy.

There is a middle ground though.

cat64 · 26/06/2011 16:00

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