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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to go out even though BFing?

87 replies

goingornot · 24/06/2011 20:40

(Namechanged because I don't know if I am being a thoughtless cow or not).

I bought tickets to a concert I really want to see, (it's this Sunday), a few months ago even though I was pregnant. My reasoning was that the baby would be a month old by the time I went and Bfing would be established and it would all be OK.

DS was a couple of weeks late and so he's only 2 weeks old now. The concert is not very far away and not that long. I reckon I'll be out of the house for about 4 hours at the very most. DH is very unhappy that I am thinking about going and says that I am 'selfish''uncaring' and 'unnatural', amongst other choice epithets. Am I? I would express enough to cover the 2 feeds. I don't think he feels confident about looking after the baby and our other child (4) on his own.

I'm not feeling amazing tbh, baby blues are hanging around and I think this would really cheer me up and I do just want very much to go, but it's not important and I could easy forgo it. Is wanting to go or going being unreasonable? I honestly can't tell.

OP posts:

deliciousdevilwoman · 25/06/2011 21:54

I think it's unfortunate that the OP hasn't been back to confirm whether she has tried the baby on EBM/a bottle, previously. If she has, and there was no problem, she should go. I also agree with the poster who said that surely the baby would be better off at home being cared for by his father, than taken to a noisy concert!
Not all bf babies cluster feed in the evenings. My DD aged 6 months was 4 weeks prem, and of low birth weight. She was "topped up" by Formula until my milk came in, and then EBM on top of Bf's-so she was used to a bottle/cup from the outset. It meant, that had I wanted to, it was perhaps easier to leave her in the care of DH. I think I first did when she was about 3/4 weeks to go for a facial and shopping.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 25/06/2011 22:14

I also started mixed feeding my dd earlier than recommended. She had various problems with bfing in the beginning but none of these were caused by giving her a bottle (a tongue-tie e.g.), in fact mixed feeding gave my an occasional much needed break from the problems I had with bfing - she never had nipple confusion and my supply never suffered.

If you have what you describe as lingering baby blues, this could be the start of PND so IMO you should do whatever you can to keep happy and take a break when you can, and your dh should support you in this IMO. After all you having PND will be far more detrimental to both you and your baby in the long term the spending a mere FOUR HOURS without her!

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 25/06/2011 22:17

I don't see why you shouldn't go: 4 hours or so is fine and (as BOF says) if you don't manage to express that much, have a carton of formula in case of emergencies. I went out to dinner leaving DS with my parents when he was about a fortnight old (though I was not BF much, had no milk) no harm came to him.

Original poster

goingornot · 26/06/2011 23:44

I did go and I'm back :) I cut it down to 3 hours in total by missing the beginning of the concert and sprinting to tubes as though I was trialling for the Olympic 100m. He was fine, slept for 2 1/2 hours and then took a bit of a bottle and went back to sleep. He's just woken up again (probably cos I picked him up and wouldn't put him down...) and has latched on to me like a good 'un, so I'm hoping no nipple/bottle confusion.

I had a nice time - quite anxious about him tho, but only to be expected. It would have been better if DH had texted me and said that all was fine, but you can't expect everything. In all I'm glad I went. Thanks for all the viewpoints, they helped me make up my mind in a good way.

OP posts:

Fifis25StottieCakes · 26/06/2011 23:55

Pleased you had a good time and hope you feel betterfor it

confuddledDOTcom · 27/06/2011 02:11

Glad you went and enjoyed yourself :) I wouldn't worry about nipple confusion from one bottle. I hope you're feeling better for going.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/06/2011 02:46

If the concert isn't for another week there's plenty of time for a rehearsal.

Express enough milk for one feed, leave your dh in charge of your dc and pop round to a friend or go shopping for a couple of hours. Don't worry about nipple confusion - if your babe is happily latching on he's not going to become a bottle convert overnight.

A lot of men would be over the moon at being given the opportunity to have one-to-one time with, and sole responsibility for, their dc - and others don't have any choice.

If your dh is not willing to be alone with his dc for 4 or 24 hours, I'm sorry to say that, IMO, he's 'selfish, uncaring' and 'unnatural',

LolaRennt · 27/06/2011 02:53

I wouldn't have wanted to be seperated from my baby when she was so young, and I shlepped her all over, back and forth everywhere so I can't understand it myself. But yanbu if you want to go, and you are sure she will take a bottle

PinkSchmoo · 27/06/2011 02:57

Really glad you went and enjoyed it.

My experience is if I had to be away from the dcs when they were tiny and they had a bottle they insisted on a wee feed as soon as they saw me again - no nipple confusion at all.

Hope DH feels a bit more confident about having DS on his own.

PenguinArmy · 27/06/2011 03:00

I'm glad you went :) and had a good tome.

FWIW if you had posted in the BF section, I don't think the majority would have said YABU. It's 4 hours FFS

hairfullofsnakes · 27/06/2011 04:18

Awwww! Glad it all went ok x

harecare · 27/06/2011 10:44

Phew! Glad it all went well.

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