to be totally wound up and pissed off....very very very long story (sorry)

[Stars82]

Ok I need to set the scene for ya

I work in the care industry, we are often subjected to many forms of abuse (not just from those we are care for either) We get bitten, scratched, sworn at, punched, and recieve an abundance of verbal abuse....

I was involved in an incident today which has been playing on my mind at little...

All names have been changed
CAPITALS are used for the raised voices in the convo

Bad timing is a particular bug bare of mine, I detest being late for anything. I arrived at Bett and Bills at 0923 (for a 0930 call)

I went into the house and greeted them in a polite, happy and professional manner only to be greeted back with moans and looks of disgust, general rudeness (not unusual sometimes). The convo is as follows

Bill: You are very early stars
Me: only 5 minutes, my sheet say 0930
Bill: (huffs and pants, clearly pissed off) It is meant to be 0945 on a Friday
Me: honestly Bill I am not lying (shows my sheet)
Bill: Don't care what it says on there it is 0945, Our breakfast is going to be ruined now
Me: sorry bill but seen as I don;t come here regulary I am unaware of betts particular timings, I just follow my sheet. I will wait until 0930 and if 2nd carer doesn't arrive I will call office and wait in the car (getting a little wound up at this point)
Bill: THE OFFICE BLOODY KNOW THE TIMINGS..

at this point 2nd carer walks in to more groans and huffs etc

Bill: here's another one that is too early
2nd Carer: Sorry????
Bill: you are not meant to be here until 0945 (very angry now)
2nd Carer: my sheet also states 0930 Bill....
Bill: I'm not having this I'm going to eat upstairs.....
Me: I will go outside and call office
2nd Carer: (reminds bill of timings policy etc)
Bill: WELL THAT DOESN'T BLOODY COUNT IN THIS HOUSE
2nd carer: well it clearly does bill
Me: right I am going to call office
Bill: WHATS THE BLOODY POINT
Me: well yu are clearly annoyed at something that has been way beyond our control bill and I feel I need to talk to the office. You are being very rude and aggress
Bill: I AM NOT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2nd carer: you are bill

We then go outside, inform office to be told that Bill has a reputation for being extremely hostile, to try to do what we can, and remember we are not paid to take abuse of any kind. The office will call Bill

We return....

Me: Bill the office are going to call you
Bill: well don't bother
Bill: you ahve totally ruined our breakfast...(has a rant about nurses and timings and other appts)
Me: again Bill I am NOT physic
Bill: just stop talking, you are delaying breakfast even further
Me: hang on a minute, this has been a two way convo, we are both delaying breakfast
2nd carer: bill there is not need to be so rude
Bett: (to me) and you turned up at 0920!!!!
Me: I actually turned up at 0923, and in all the times I have been to you Bett, I have always been either on time or very slightly early and not ONCE have you ever said that you didn;t like it. I have even turned up to find a carer has already started and again noting has been said. You can't pick and chose when you feel it is going to be acceptable to accept a carer early!!!!!
Bett: OH JUST SHUT UP!!!! (also has rep for being rude and nasty at times)
Me: and we don;t get paid enoughto take ANY FORM OF ABUSE
Bill: right thats it

Bill moves in to grab my arm which I doige

Bill: go on and get out
Me: I am more than happy to leave but DO NOT TOUCH ME, I have no objections being asked to leave but you will not lay a finger on me

We both get our things and head to door, at this point bill panics..
bill: no 2nd carer you can stay
2nd Carer: no bill this has also involved me, you have been rude to me and I havebeen involved in this arguement, If we leave we both leave I have also said my fair share today

Called office etc etc

AIBU to think that this situation is totally out of order?? I feel really wound up by it and I keep replaying it in my head :(

I am always polite and professional and have a good rep at work and feel that this will cast a shadow. Totally annoyed

[purplepidjin]

I have seen many of the former quit because managers won't promote them. They go into better paid but hated office jobs because they can't afford to stay in the job they love. Or they burn out because you simply can't cure the problems of the world.

Clients are already paying £10 ph plus because of agency fees of which an agency carer sees maybe 7. I've accepted less because I need guaranteed hours. I get 8 for Direct Payment work, but that's sporadic and hard to find - parents are, rightly, mistrustful.

Conditions for carers are dire. And we're not exactly the protesting/rioting/attention-demanding types

[frantic51]

"Purple" it's clear from this thread that you are one of the "pearls"

[frantic51]

OOPS! Meant purple obviously

[purplepidjin]

[purplepidjin]

[cory]

It could be that a vulnerable person feels the need to in some way get mentally ready before a carer enters the house, so the actual timing is very important. I could never get dd's disabled taxi driver to understand that if he knocked on our door 10 minutes early that put her under such pressure that it was likely to bring on a panic attack and make her unable to attend school at all. In the end, I had to ring the company and ask them to make him stick to the timetable.

[karen2010]

purple
you do realize that in some agency you have have to pay for training and lose a days work...some people wont be able to afford that.

[MintyB]

Ah hon. I know it's easily said but try try try not to let it bother you so much. I work at a comprehensive school - nothing like the same job but teenagers with a chip on their shoulder can be extremely aggressive/offensive and downright hurtful. I just try to remember that when we deal with a person, we're only seeing that little tip of iceberg that sticks out the water. There's a whole heap of crap underneath that makes them who they are and we can't even begin to understand why people behave badly. You did just fine. Brush it off, think "arseholes" to it, and crack on! (My mum had a great saying - wipe your feet on the way out. I.e it's just a shit day at work. Leave it behind and concentrate on the things that matter.) hugs

[purplepidjin]

I didn't know that, karen. The agency attached to the company I work for pays you for training. It's one of the reasons I work for them!

I interviewed for one once that made you pay for your own CRB which I thought was a bit cheeky. Needless to say, I didn't join them - but with the luxury of an NVQ3 and experience I can afford to do that. Many can't. Many people can't get employment elsewhere because there simply aren't any jobs. In this area (south coast) it's tourism or care or, if you're lucky, insurance call centre. As I'm spectacularly unsuited to anything even vaguely sales related I'm in care despite an honours degree in music!

[StickyFloor]

So, after all that op your main concern is that this may make you look bad in the office and spoil your reputation?

You don't seem concerned that their day may have been ruined and upset too?

One of the biggest criticisms that gets hurled at carers is that they don't really care, it is just a job and a wage to them - sadly your handling of this and your attitude in your post sum this up. You don't care or question why they were so upset, you don't care why the mix-up happened and how you can resolve it, you are just annoyed that you aren't paid enough for this grief and now your reputation may be tainted.

Very sad.

[karen2010]

well purple now you do.
you also have to play for uniforms and the course you have to do every year.




you do also must that just because some is old does not make them nice people.

as carers you have to carer for the ex con/abusers/child abusers drug addicts and abusers of drink and normal raciest/ homophobic /sexist people.
you wont know as carer you dealing with any of the above all you will know is they are difficult and you may get a warning if you lucky

I think what people forget that when you employ carers

you become there employer so it is up to you to nice to them so they do the best they can like starrs did
till she was abused .

as the person who said why cant you request the exact time it because there is the thing call traffic and other clients. who may need extra time be found on the floor so waiting for dr etc.
it some you to accept
the only to have a carer when you want one is pay for one to one care .

[garlicnutter]

You have to pay for your own training and uniforms? And still get paid a crap wage - for a demanding, sensitive job that needs training to be done well?
That's outrageous!

What organisations are campaigning on these issues? I want to rush off and sign up to them!

I am steaming!!!!

[purplepidjin]

I think you'll need to start one, garlic

Karen, I've no experience of elderly care (think i said that upthread somewhere) just LD in children, teens and now adults. And I'm lucky enough to pick my employers somewhat

[karen2010]

garlic

you also you have to have car and the wear and tear and on a car is amazing.

sorry purple must have missed that bit
about you not not dealing with the elderly
i have experience of eldery and may well have care for all of the above ( i know have done some) .

[workedoutforthebest]

Sorry,haven't read whole thread, but I do think you should have waited until 9.30 and why oh why, didn't you give Bill a hand with his brekky????

[xstitch]

I think considering some of the 'carers' I have come across the OP is getting a bit of a hard time. Believe me I have come across some pretty bad carers who make their client's life miserable as well as that of their colleagues.

[workedoutforthebest]

...and why are you looking for sympathy? You are paid to do a service, not a disservice. You seem a bit unhinged actually. You've turned up on their doorstep, resembling a pre-menstrual mother teressa, shouting the odds and then threatening to call the office when bill refuses to play ball

Next...

[frantic51]

Karen and some of these "carers" attempt to wash vulnerable old ladies, who have worked hard during their lives and paid their taxes and national insurance, who are most emphatically not "ex con/abusers/child abusers drug addicts and abusers of drink and normal raciest/ homophobic /sexist people" and are paying good money out of their carefully saved pensions for the service,with an unsuitable flannel because they are sooo busy moaning to said client about their twunt boyfriend "no, not that flannel dear, the yellow one please" their ex h who won't cough up the child support, "no, please, the blue one's for my bottom" the fact that the office have mucked up their hours again, "no, I want the yellow one and I can wash my own face if you'll just please hand me the flannel" the fact that they've now got to go all the way back to the other side of the city from whence they just came. Result? " NO, DON'T PUT THAT ON MY FACE!" old lady wildly slaps carer's hand holding "bum flannel" away and get's "You bad tempered old bag! I don't need to take that from the likes of you, I'm reporting you to the office!" "Carer" flounces out leaving old lady butt naked on a stool in the bathroom with her zimmer frame in the hall!

[karen2010]

frantic

if your boss hit what would you ?

[frantic51]

Karen If he hit me to stop me touching him with something he had repeatedly requested me not to touch him with and he had done it because it was the only way he felt he could stop me, than I would have to accept that I had been abusing him.

[frantic51]

The lady in question was undoubtedly being abused. And, who, in their right minds, could possibly think it is ok to use their employer's time and money to wallow in their own sef-absorbed, obsessions?!

[CravingExcitement]

Karen2010, what we get told at work is to treat our patients how we would wish our own mothers or fathers to be treated. Nothing less. Would you like to have you face washed with a bum flannel?

[karen2010]

nobody has the right to hit anyone.

please tell what you think the carer should talk about ?

as for the carer using the wrong cloth surely both clothes are clean fresh every wash so does not really matter which one she uses

[karen2010]

craving i would make sure the cloths are changed each wash
surely you do the same

[frantic51]

Karen the carer had been requested to get clean flannels out of the ottaman because the previous carer had left the old ones in the bathroom. Carer claimed not to be able to find them and "didn't have time" to look further because of having to travel back across the city and being short of time. AND "carers" are supposed to listen to their clients ffs!! How many people would go into any other job and ignore their employer's instructions and expect to get paid for doing whatever they fancied doing!