to feel worried about this little girl?

[OTheHugeManatee]

More of a WWYD really, but I'm genuinely concerned.

One of my neighbours has a young daughter (I'd guess about 7 or 8). There's no mum in evidence, and sometimes she's not out playing in the garden for a few days, so I assume her parents are separated and she lives between this house with dad and elsewhere with mum.

She's a nice kid, and we often chat as I'm out gardening most evenings. I've given her sunflower seeds to plant as she seemed interested in growing things, and feel faintly protective towards her. She never seems to have friends round, and I wonder if she's a bit lonely.

I often hear her dad shouting at her. Like really loud, unpleasant, frightening shouting. Not just 'Stop that!' occasionally, as you'd expect when a child is a PITA, but really scary. It's 'fucking' this and 'fucking' that, and 'COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH!' seemingly the whole time. This morning he was yelling at her intermittently from about 7am until I left for work between 8 and 9. I could hear him swearing and bellowing, and her crying. It really broke my heart, as I couldn't imagine what such a young child could have done to merit that much aggression from her father. She's clearly frightened of him, as when he yells at her to come indoors she goes at the speed of light.

Up until now I've just felt sad for her having such an angry father. But this morning, for the first time, I considered calling social services.
If I heard a man yelling at his wife like that I'd call it abuse, wonder about domestic violence and consider calling the police.

I'm aware that it's impossible to judge a parent/child situation from the outside; she could have all kinds of behavioural issues that are invisible to me; etc etc. But surely it's never excusable for a grown man to bellow 'FUCKING BITCH!' at his 8-year-old daughter?

Should I wind my neck in or should I do something? And if so what?

At the risk of repeating myself, I don't get this thing that ringing NSPCC is somehow different from ringing Social Services - expect for taking longer, because NSPCC will just tell you to ring social services. There seems to be this idea that by ringing NSPCC, or the school, you will get a softer, tailored, appropriate response, whereas ringing Social Services means you have acted as judge and jury and the child will just get whipped into care.

I know that SS involvement can be devastating for families, but it is not just a short one-way street to having your kids taken off you. I'm friends with a local family with social services involvement. Yes, they think it's unfair that they have been accused of harming their child. But there was never any question of the child being taken away; instead, they have had loads of very positive support - parenting classes, subsidised holiday schemes, extra support at school... I'm not being naive or romantic, I just want people to see that social services isn't who you call when you have exhausted every other avenue yourself and are 100% convinced that you are dealing with deliberate abuse. It's who you call when there is a legitimate cause for concern (even if it turns out to be nothing much) and you need somebody who is better trained and skilled than you to go in and ask the right questions.

Personally, there's no way I'd go and befriend somebody who is aggressive and potentially violent with the secret agenda of working out for myself whether or not they are an abuser. The risks - to all involved - are significant and I'm always surprised when posters suggest this.

Update. I rang the NSPCC, and told them pretty much what I said here. They're making a direct referral to child protection services in my area.

Thanks for your support and input, everyone

I am pleased you called them. I wanted to say that you may be the only person in that little girl's life who has any clue of what she is being subject to. So, you did a really good thing in ringing.

WELL DONE!!!

Sorry to shout, I'm just happy to hear you have called and this girl will get some help

Well done you

Well done, you did the right thing x

You did the right thing. Thank you :)

you did the right thing

I think you have done the right thing and at least your conscience is clear.

However, this thread intrigues me because I posted a query a while ago about reporting someone as potentially unfit to drive, on the grounds that he had had various accidents where he was not even aware that he'd had a collision. Also, he no longer drives during school hours as he knows he isn't a safe driver and doesn't trust himself not to hit a child. To my surprise people on here thought I was interfering.

:)

I simply do not get this cultural thing about not interfering - is it because my family isn't British enough yet? My family interfere everywhere, incessantly and without discrimination. My elderly mother wades into street fights, bangs on doors to rescue screaming women, invites tramps to stay over on cold nights. There are pros and cons of that level of intervention, but by and large I think it takes us closer to where we want to go.

hester, the image of your crime-and-misery-fighting elderly mother just made me

OP, good....

hester, this is a really interesting one re. culture/'not interfering' - well worth a thread of its own, I reckon...

As someone who works in child protection I entirely agree with Hester.

If you have concerns about a child, however vague you are best sharing these with your local authority, NOT the NSPCC. I have received several referrals from the NSPCC and the quality of their work has always been.. questionable. They did not ask the questions that I would have asked as a frontline worker who deals directly with children and young people (unlike the staff at the NSPCC who work with telephones) and if the caller is anonymous social services have no way of tracking that person down to clarify things.

Cut out the middle man and speak to your local social services who are generally more experienced in front line child protection than the staff at the NSPCC, and of course your local social services can check their database there and then whilst you're on the phone to see if the family are already known and are therefore able to put your concerns into some kind of context.

I worry about the NSPCC.

Hmm, that's interesting noir. I'll bear that in mind, and consider getting in touch with local child protection directly.

Hi Manatee, if you've already shared with NSPCC I would just leave it at that as they will pass it on, but I hope its useful to know for future reference.

Well done on speaking to the NSPCC. I would have gone direct to Children's Services myself buy at least you have made contact. TWIW, I would still raise the issue with SC and state that you have raised it with the NSPCC.

Any progress?