to feel worried about this little girl?

[OTheHugeManatee]

More of a WWYD really, but I'm genuinely concerned.

One of my neighbours has a young daughter (I'd guess about 7 or 8). There's no mum in evidence, and sometimes she's not out playing in the garden for a few days, so I assume her parents are separated and she lives between this house with dad and elsewhere with mum.

She's a nice kid, and we often chat as I'm out gardening most evenings. I've given her sunflower seeds to plant as she seemed interested in growing things, and feel faintly protective towards her. She never seems to have friends round, and I wonder if she's a bit lonely.

I often hear her dad shouting at her. Like really loud, unpleasant, frightening shouting. Not just 'Stop that!' occasionally, as you'd expect when a child is a PITA, but really scary. It's 'fucking' this and 'fucking' that, and 'COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH!' seemingly the whole time. This morning he was yelling at her intermittently from about 7am until I left for work between 8 and 9. I could hear him swearing and bellowing, and her crying. It really broke my heart, as I couldn't imagine what such a young child could have done to merit that much aggression from her father. She's clearly frightened of him, as when he yells at her to come indoors she goes at the speed of light.

Up until now I've just felt sad for her having such an angry father. But this morning, for the first time, I considered calling social services.
If I heard a man yelling at his wife like that I'd call it abuse, wonder about domestic violence and consider calling the police.

I'm aware that it's impossible to judge a parent/child situation from the outside; she could have all kinds of behavioural issues that are invisible to me; etc etc. But surely it's never excusable for a grown man to bellow 'FUCKING BITCH!' at his 8-year-old daughter?

Should I wind my neck in or should I do something? And if so what?

The complaint will remain anonymous omaoma

Exactly how to report it is to phone SS and give the child's name and address

Then you leave it in their hands.

With regards to someone saying 'speak to the Dad before steaming in with SS' Well it's not a case of 'steaming' in and speaking to him could actually have far worse repercussions for the child.

I'd happily try and get to know him better. The thing is, I rarely if ever see him in the garden - his daughter is out playing there most evenings but the only times I've seen him outside were once when he rang my doorbell to ask if the Sky repair man could have access to his garden via mine, and then when he popped out that morning to ask for sunflower planting advice. Plus I'm often out in the evenings and usually at DP's at the weekend so my chances of befriending him are limited and this feels quite urgent.

I do get the impression he's vulnerable and struggling rather than cold-hearted and cruel, iyswim. But as others have said that doesn't excuse him treating a little girl like that. I've been living here for about 9 months now, and on the whole I prefer to mind my own business. But while I've noticed it before this morning it was just so excessive - in my mind for the first time it tipped decisively over from 'wow, angry man' to 'this is really disturbing, I need to do something'.

I concur wth Bluebell, dont bother with NSPCC, they are an unnecessary step between you and social services.

I think a call to NSPCC would do no harm.

You need to ring Social Services now. Don't ponder over this any longer. The little girl is being abused.

NSPCC will just want to refer to SS or the Police. Save yourself a call.

emotional abuse it is. ring social services.

bad things happen when good people do nothing.

I was all set to come one here and say 'wind your neck in' and myob - but I would phone SS without a doubt! You'll feel better once you've rung them. Can you update this thread, as I'm sure I'm not the only one who will keep worrying

I disagree with trying to befriend the dad - I would keep well away from someone with such a temper!

I think NSPCC could help you deal with how you feel about involving SS. Of course the welfare of the child is the most important but also you need to be confident of your involvement.
I say this because you may get some backlash from the Dad or you may get questioned by SS on what you've heard. If you've cleared things in your own mind through a discussion with NSPCC then you'll be clearer when confronted - and that will help the girl in the long run.
So whilst some may say skip this step - I think it would help you (and in the end her)

Just call SS.....I am so sad for her...thinking of her getting sent of to school like that.

I have to say, I agree very strongly with Safran.

These threads really frustrate me actually.

They tend to contain around 5 or 6 pages of hand wringing and 'oh what to do'

Some will say ring SS, some will say ring NSPCC (despite the fact they can do nothing)

And all the while I wonder what the OP is worried about. Ok so SS investigate, realise there's nothing wrong and close the case. Or they investigate, realise there is something wrong and take appropriate action.

So what has the OP lost by simply making the phonecall?

safraan the OPs feelings come second. The childs welfare is paramount.

"Deal with how you feel about involving SS" what a bloody indulgent thing to do when a child's being called names like fucking bitch by her parent.

So Safran "thinks" you may et backlash from the Dad or asked questions by SS.

Ooh how terrible! FAR better to listen to a child being abused eh?

Social Services aren't scary at all, they will be very gentle with you. Please OP do make the call.

I think what I'm going to do is

1 - think carefully about what I want to say
2 - wait till I get home this evening, and check the house number so I'm sure of the address before making the call
3 - discuss with DP so he knows I'm making the call. For safety (hopefully there'll be no repercussions on me but still) and also for moral support
4 - Call NSPCC and explain my concerns, with relevant info.

I'll update this thread with the result.

Thanks for all your replies - my gut feel was that I do need to do something, but it's helpful to hear some supportive voices.

Yes, do ring.

I tend to think this divide between NSPCC and social services is more perceptual than real; as if NSPCC are all cuddly and supportive and SS just wanting to raid homes and snatch children. MOST of the parents SS deal with are not monsters, but they are struggling to cope - SS is used to that and does recognise it!

Ring whoever you like first, but do ring.

There won't be a backlash because SS will not tell the Dad where the complaint came from

I have had the misfortune to report someone to SS and they took the information over the phone. They never came to see me, but told me I could ring the following week to put my mind at rest that it had actually been dealt with.

Obviously they will give you no details whatsoever, but they did at least let me know that someone had investigated.

Worraliberty: In principle i would agree with you, but i know that in cases like these parents who've been reported to social services (sometimes with good reason) can be very antagonistic towards whoever they think has shopped them (usually neighbour), insisting that neighbour is mistaken and/or malicious. Whether or not social services get involved, this is something the neighbour mayhave to live with, and often this situation doesn't serve anyone very well.
I think it's worth OP being aware of this.

Agree with hester.SS are not monsters...we hear horror storis about every big organisation....the NHS, the SS the police force....they're there for you to use...to protect the vulnerable.

Please contact someone.

When I was 20 I lived two floors down from a woman who yelled at her child.When her DP came home you could set your watch by it- the shouting,little boy crying, really crying, things being thrown.
She would walk up 8 flights of stairs and screech "Ian, get your arse up here" to her son (about 3yo)

To my eternal shame I did nothing. Scared of her and her DP I guess

Tchoot The OP is already well aware the neighbour might guess it's her.

The NSPCC don't need to make her aware of that.

Meanwhile..back to the most important part of all this - the 8yr old child?

This thread has made me cry. Please try and do something. It may be that you help this little girl. It's not interfering - it's helping.

Was trying to gently suggest what Tochootnika mentions - while SS do keep things anonymous, it may well be that the dad guesses who rang them, and because she lives next door she can't exactly get away.

but i would still make the call i think.

by the way, good strategy OP.

i think it's unnecessary to attack the 'handwringing' in threads like these - i don't think it's pure self-indulgence. seems pretty normal to me for someone to be fearful of what will happen if they step into the fray, the very fact OP worries about consequences on herself and others and thinks ahead is presumably what makes her a reasonable and caring person and parent!